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Bipolar?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Fugs, Feb 2, 2013.

  1. Fugs

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    At my last doctor's visit he threw around the word 'bipolar'. He said that since the antidepressants are only making me worse that may be the cause. But the questions he asked confused me, I don't think about my mood and stuff you know?. So I really couldn't answer them.

    I've been thinking about my behavior. There are times when I feel really light and creative. I can read incredibly fast and my typing goes through the roof. I feel happy and I can't stop moving or shaking. I stay up til dawn and take a three hour nap and everything is fine. I help do everything, shovel snow, clean up, take tasks away from other family members.

    There are other times when I'm suicidal, I can't think and just crash. I fall asleep at 7 at night and wake up at 10 or 11 in the morning. I don't eat, I don't bathe, I don't do anything productive. I feel heavy, like there's a lot of clutter in my head.

    My doctor talked about being angry, and I told him I don't get angry. I figured angry meant mean, and I try really hard not to hurt anyone. But it could also mean frustrated, or easily annoyed. I can be talking to a friend one minute and the next I can't stand how long it takes them to type, or that they aren't getting to the point quick enough. My pets annoy me quickly, games make me really upset and I lash out at myself.

    Ever since he said bipolar I've been worrying about it. The mood stabilizers he talked about sound scary. I have a therapy appointment coming up and I'll ask her what she thinks, but right now I feel happy. I'm up at two in the morning and don't feel the slightest bit tired. I'm scared that if I go to sleep I'll be suicidal again when I wake up. Because that's how it happens.

    Am I crazy?
     
  2. OMGWTFBBQ

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    l was going to say that l'd consider it for yourself before accepting a label from a doctor.

    But then you described what is probably bipolar disorder :/

    l got this diagnosis 7 years ago at a time when l was mostly struggling with my sexuality and NEVER talked about it.

    You'd think a doctor would be able to distinguish self-obsession, inner turmoil and a tortured soul complex that was carried over from the 90's from bipolar disorder, but it is not always the case.

    If this pattern has been consistent for you, you are inclined to believe it's being caused by a chemical balance and no underlying issues l'd say it does sound like bipolar disorder.

    l'm sorry you're having a rough time. You aren't crazy but you do need to be medicated. Maybe at first it's best to go with the traditional meds to get stabilized, and later, and VERY carefully you might be able to try to alternative methods (if you would even be interested).

    But when a person is this state, they have to be treated. l don't know what it's like to suddenly feel suicidal anymore and if l were l'd get treatment. But l am certainly crazy in my own way lol.
     
  3. Fugs

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    I don't want to be suicidal again, but I will talk to my therapist about it. Right now I feel like running around in the snow in just my pants and shirt. Doesn't quite strike me as an intelligent thing to do. Haven't kept still for the past 2 days and am generally very happy.

    This I don't want to change. It's the depression and anger that I don't like.
     
  4. OMGWTFBBQ

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    u___u l get weird similar moods caused by migraines, just not really the depression aspect. So, l'd say it's good that you feel fine now but maybe try to relax, take a bath.

    Stay up online and do whatever and make sure you have to time to come down from it.
     
  5. FranklinK

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    I am bipolar type 2. I go from happy to sad and a lot of what you said describes me. I was on a bunch of medication and it takes some time figure out what works best for you. Medications don't work the same for everyone.

    Unfortunately when you begin to take the meds they give you you won't go into mania anymore (the all nighters, ability to do everything, extreme bursts of energy, and the feeling that you can take on the world), but you also wont go into depression either.. Well let me rephrase that - you won't experience as severe a high or a low anymore.

    Just know that you aren't crazy.
     
  6. Fugs

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    :frowning2: I think the antidepressant my doctor gave me is making this manic thing go into overdrive. I can't stop moving and things aer going a mile a minute. No sleeping for me ^,^ might do some midnight snow shoveling tho

    and thank you :slight_smile: I'm glad I;m not crazy. I'll tlak with my therapist as soon as I can.
     
    #6 Fugs, Feb 3, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2013
  7. aMiMe

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    agree with all above. i am also bipolar, i take alot of lithium everyday.
     
  8. Fugs

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    I'm not really sure what to tell my doctor or therapist honestly. This stuff sounds scary.
     
  9. FranklinK

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    Tell them that about your excess of energy. That isn't healthy. I was on 900mgs of Lithium a day.
     
  10. Jim

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    I'm not a psychologist, but as someone who's had over a year of therapy and researched the issue a lot, I'd say what you're describing sounds a lot like BPD.

    Do your mood swings cycle quite fast, like over a day period, or over a month or a week? I think it's different for different types of BPD.

    Mood stabalisers aren't that scary really. I was going to go on them, as though I have major depression, I show bipolar tendencies and sometimes have manic days. I'm on enti-depressants but they're not really doing much at the moment, annoyingly...

    I suggest you research a lot, and talk to your doctor about everything that happens to you, just to make sure you get the right prognosis :slight_smile:
     
  11. Fugs

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    They cycle pretty quickly. I can be happy as a clam one moment then suicidal 5 minutes later. Right now I've got just the most ridiculous amount of energy that came out of nowhere and i'm running on an hour of sleep.
     
  12. Fugs

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    Doctor says I'm probably bipolar because of my mania episode over the weekend so heh... don't know how I feel about that.
     
  13. PeteNJ

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    keep track each day of how you feel (here's a link to some different charts that might be helpful). your ups, downs, blah days, mania days. one mania episode can't diagnose bipolar disorder.

    and get a therapist who specializes in BOTH Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). (really, you need someone who is great in both areas).


    Bipolar Mood Charts


    if you are bipolar you can manage this and have a great life, you need some support and tools though!
     
  14. Fugs

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    Thank you :slight_smile: It's not confirmed, and he's going off of my history and reaction to medication. I have a therapy appointment monday and she'll be the one to diagnose if it is bipolar.

    Charts look slightly complicated :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I'll have to figure this out.
     
  15. Jim

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    Oh also, I forgot to mention, if you have a genetic history of bipolar (or manic depression as it used to be called) then you're more likely to have it. My whole family suffers from depression, more or less, so I didn't have much choice about having it :/
     
  16. aeva

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    I'm in EXACTLY the same boat as you. I have identical symptoms as yours, although it doesn't sound like there's as definite a cycle to your moods as there is for me (6 months of severe depression every 2 years). I'm the only female member of my family that has not been diagnosed as bipolar (some I, some II), but the new therapist I'm seeing is considering that it may be the right diagnosis for me. It's been brought up by other counselors, but never seriously discussed. The only major difference I see is that anti-depressants do work for me. They don't make me 100% normal (I think years of depression has sort of conditioned me to think a certain way), but they make it so that I can function, and they don't generally make me manic/hypomanic.

    Obviously your doctor is the only one that can diagnose you, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. (*hug*)
     
  17. FemCasanova

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    I have what you can classify as Bipolar type II.

    It is mild and I manage through correct diet, cognitive therapy techniques and an awareness that I`ve worked up over the years. Today, the symptoms I experience are minor and the only thing troublesome is that I struggle at times with sleeping issues. Bipolarity can make life feel like the eternal roller coaster ride, and it can be scary particularily when you have not been diagnosed yet, or you struggle with managing the symptoms.

    It does sound to me like you are bipolar of some degree. Whether II, or that even milder version, I could not tell you.

    What I can tell you however is that if you have a Bipolar disorder, you are NOT crazy. It does not mean you cannot function well or be happy, or that there`s something "wrong" with you in the sense that you`re less of anything. It`s not a disaster and you don`t have to be scared or feel ashamed. It is a manageable condition, although some struggle more with it than others.

    If your doctor has already begun looking into it, then you have the possibility to be diagnosed and the right treatment figured out at a young age, and that is great! A lot of people struggle with it for years and years before they get diagnosed and the right treatment. I was 22 when I got the diagnosis. It was right about time too, because I had at that point become majorly depressed, could not get a job and struggled with everything, making even my up days terrible. So, the fact that your doctor is checking it out is a good thing! Maybe you are bipolar, maybe you are not, but at least you`ll know, right?

    (*hug*) It`s gonna be alright.

    ---------- Post added 6th Feb 2013 at 05:16 AM ----------

    It is very common with people who are Bipolar to love their "up-rides", and then crash on the "down-rides". Often they take medication, but quit them when they start feeling good again, because they like the feeling, only to crash a lot harder when they crash. When it goes up, it is fun, and you have so much energy, and you could write a thousand messages within the next minute (or so it feels).
    :icon_wink
     
  18. FallenAngel

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    I am bipolar.
    Everything you're saying is about right.
    Just keep in mind that there are four main signs/parts of bipolar:
    Hyper-activity, Anxiety, Depression, and Anger.
    For the record, you DON'T need to have all four.
    For the longest time, I just had the depression and anxiety.
    Then hyper-activity and depression.
    Now I have all four, but that is only because I have been through a lot in these past few months.
    Either way, it sounds to me like you're doctor is right.
    The biggest sign is that when someone with bipolar disorder goes on anti-depressants alone before addressing the bipolar disorder first, it sends the person into the manic stage. That is when the moods are all over the place without warning.
    I remember the first time I went on medicine for my bipolar disorder.
    It was so scary and I wouldn't even take them for a while.
    My parents had to literally force me. But I now understand why.
    The medicine was the best thing that ever happened to me because I can keep all my moods under control, which allows me to be...normal. At least keep all my moods from exploding.
    So although it is a long journey, it is so worth it.
    I wish you the very best. (*hug*)
     
  19. Fugs

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    Thank you :slight_smile:

    The thing is that I don't remember my moods. I don't pay much attention to them, there are times where I write a lot and go outside for exorcise (I'm afraid of people so Idk why I manage to go outside) for a few days but then I stop and am back to being depressed. I focus on today and tomorrow but forget yesterday. It's always been like that.

    It could be just that when I'm happy I don't think anything of it and the paxil my doctor gave me made me (I was already pretty happy) even more happy and that's why I notice it so well.

    There are days that I'm really agitated at everyone and everything but that doesn't mean I'm bipolar it just means I get angry sometimes right?

    I'm very confused, it feels like my therapy appointment is too far away. Maybe I'm over thinking things?
     
    #19 Fugs, Feb 6, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2013
  20. FemCasanova

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    No, I can relate to that as well. That is mostly because for the therapist, it`s easy, the lines are drawn, but when you experience it often it is more fleeting, somewhat more vague. Often you don`t just fall down, though you can, you go down, you go up, you have inbetween periods where you are somewhere in the middle, etc, depending very much on the individual. I thought it was a nightmare when I had to start writing up my moods. It didn`t feel as clear cut as the therapist explained it.

    When I experience it, it is like walking downhill, then walking uphill. Being king of the world for a few days, or sometimes even just a day, a week later I might be hitting the bottom and feeling like crap for a few days. Some of us have more rapid cycling, some can be at one stage for weeks, or even months.

    And you are right, you might not feel it quite like that because you don`t pay much attention to it when you`re happy, then time just flies by and it`s all great. Then comes the depressive days, and those are a lot more noticable.

    You might be over-thinking it a bit, but what could help you is write it down. Write it all down, and present it to the therapist. There`s nothing wrong with bringing notes to a therapy session, I did on multiple occations.

    Your doctor did suggest a journal, right? A mood journal? It is really good, because then you see your patterns a lot easier, you don`t have to try and think back or count days in your head, which can be really hard. Have a journal and write in it each day. Google search it, or just follow a mal your doctor gave you, if he/she did. Like: Monday - Feeling happy, full of energy, had trouble sleeping because I was too energized, etc. Tuesday - feeling ok. Medium energy. No depressive thoughts - wednesday - feeling a bit down, can`t focus much, etc etc. That was just an example, you probably don`t cycle that often lol.

    In any case, writing up a mood journal can help see if there`s actually a pattern there, and can help with diagnosing you if you are Bipolar.

    Also, writing up if specific events triggered your feeling of depression, etc, can be useful too. I often in the beginning just felt depressed, even on days where there was nothing to trigger it, on days when it was all sunshine and caramels.

    And write up, along with your general mood, when you are the most agitated/irritable.

    Just tips :icon_wink