One of my best friends is very shy, perhaps to the point of social phobia. He doesn't have many friends, and generally dislikes being with other people. He suffers from severe Asperger's Syndrome. He doesn't eat lunch at school because he fears his lunch will be stolen (Some stupid kid used to steal his lunch last year). He loves reading, but is afraid of going to the library because he doesn't want to be among strangers. He is extremely scared of being touched by people, even accidentally (though he does allow me to give him affectionate hugs). Lately, he has been really tired. His dad lost his job recently, and there's been a lot going on at his house. I worry about him. I want to get him some help, but I don't know how. I think that if I recruit the school guidance counselor to help him, he may withdraw even more. Anyone have any advice or experience with a situation like this?
Social anxiety? Yeah I kind of have that in certain situation; I'm scared to open my door even someone rings or knocks, I'm scared to answer a phone, I'm scared to talk to people sometimes, I'm scared to ask my teacher anything even if I can go to the bathroom, and I'm scared of buying stuff with clerks and stuff ahh
It sounds like he's afraid of leaving the house and that makes him depressed. Generally the same story with me; I get panic attacks round people, try to get him to a therapist that specializes in social anxiety disorders.
l was like this growing up. l think social phobia and general anxiety are two different things but that general anxiety can lead to a social phobia. l pretty much self medicate with caffeine and have been since 7th grade, l'm not sure why it counteracts my anxiety but all l can say is that l can filter background noise out after l have it and don't feel like l'm being assaulted on a sensory level every time l leave the house lol. Asperger's is also often treated with a stimulant but it doesn't help everyone, l've heard it often makes kids on the spectrum worse so l'm not sure. l think it's important to know whether he has a true social phobia or anxiety that causes him to shut down and block everything out, that's basically my natural state without being slightly altered and it includes blocking out people. Without that anxiety l'm acutally bordering on extroversion so they are two very different things.
Don't individuals with Asperger's sometimes have even more trouble communicating with people, and sometimes seem different due to their disorder? I don't know - I've heard that they tend to lack the perception of social norms, but I'm not an expert. His Asperger's could be playing a gigantic roll in his behaviour, sometimes seeming socially discontent and wanting to get away. I don't know. I don't have Aspergers but I do have social anxiety. Not phobia so to say, but anxiety definitely. Except I enjoy being around people and I can't stay in my house longer than 24 hours because I need people. My case is probably entirely different than his. But.. maybe telling a school counsellor about this would be the best approach, and maybe they can help him out. He might withdraw even more, but if they can get him in there and talk about his problems, it would most likely help.
@Rivers, l was going to ask, l've known people on the spectrum who were more extroverted actually and l think l remember you saying you're on the spectrum too somewhere so l'm sure you know how that can vary. But going along with Oddish said, some people with Asperger's lack social skills more than others. Even if they aren't necessarily socially phobic, it can result in that, unfortunately. lf he's always been that way l wouldn't be surprised, l would still have him as a friend though.
I think what you are describing is very common for people with Aspergers, the social phobia, not liking to be touched, and so on. Very likely it`s not something that can be cured, but a part of his chronic illness. That said, if you feel he is drawing away and isolating himself even more than usual, you probably should talk to him about it first, asking him how he feels might be a good start. And you could tell him that you are worried because he seems to be isolating himself. I think I would rather tell his parents, than the school counselor, at least at first. Maybe they`re not aware that he is isolating himself further at school? But talking to the school counselor could be a good idea, if you have a good one, as maybe he/she knows a bit more about the asperger and how to deal with the situation when you`re his friend. But the social phobia is probably not something that can be fixed. I think the challenge lies in getting him to not pull back so much because of it. You do sound like a very good friend!
Thanks everyone! I'm going to goad my friend to see a counselor. I care about him a lot, and when he's in pain, I feel pain. @OMGWTFBBQ, I do have Asperger's, though milder than my friend.
I think you need to get him a guidance counsellor. I have Asperger's syndrome and a social phobia, if this problem is left unattended, he could end up permanent refraining from social interaction. It's good for you for wanting to get him help, I would definitely look into this
I also think you should get him to see a counsellor, it would probably help him the most in the long run. In the meantime, if he likes reading that much, perhaps you could go to the library with him or borrow a book for him to read home?
