Things started well this week, I accepted a job arranged to meet one of my best friends who lives really far away and thought I had finally got the courage to come out to my parents. Then I came home to find my Dad back on the booze, something I know will soon split my parents up, cos it has happened before and he was on a final chance with my Mum so I know that one day when she finds out what he's really been doing this week all hell will break loss. So basically I feel like if I dropped in that I'm gay now it will only make everything more difficult and I don't want that. I love them but I hate that I'm still pretending to be something that I'm not. I guess I also put it of because if I tell them and they accept it then I guess that means I have to finally fully accept that this is me too. Then the girl I fancy told me she just wants to be friends, which I said I would be fine with but the truth is I feel crushed, I had let myself dream that things could be great, but I guess it's just not to be cos she doesn't trust me even though I have done nothing wrong. Written down it seems much less dramatic then it has been in my head but I just needed to get it out and I know most of my friends are bored of the endless coming out conversations, saying things like your parents will be fine with it, I know they say this to sound reassuring but really they don't know my parents or have to live with potentially losing them, so really that just makes me more angry. Sorry rant over.....
Thanks It felt good to write it all down,but any advice you do have would be appreciated, pretty stuck about what to do now??
Well, there's a line in a song that always comes to mind- "all my bad days came at once". And pretty much that's what happened here- instead of having several bad days spread out over time, you had all your bad days at the same time. On the issue of coming out- give some thought to why you're doing it. If you're doing it because you want to have a better relationship with your parents, then you are doing it for the right reasons. If you're doing it because you just want to get it over with or for your own reasons, then it might be better to wait until the timing is better for everyone. Sometimes you like someone, but they don't feel the same. Sometimes someone likes you but you just don't like them the same way. And on occasion, it all works and you both are in synch. But honestly, with everything going one in your life at the moment, what kind of partner would you be? Maybe the time isn't right to be making a relationship a priority- you'd probably be a better girlfriend if you had some of these other things resolved. Just because your bad days come all at once, doesn't mean that you're necessarily obligated to fix everything all at once. Focus on your new job and getting yourself on a career path and financially secure. Then move to the next goal- whether that is coming out to your parents or finding a girlfriend. One day at a time...
