I have an awesome boyfriend, and I well want to have sex with him (and vice versa) so we have decided on doing it! He knows that I am a virgin in that department, and that I am wanting to bottom (I think I am a natural bottom the thought of it turns me on) . He says he will be gentle and I trust him , but is there anything else I can do to make it better for both of us, a couple of people have suggested poppers but aint they drugs so I don't want that anywhere near me. Anyone have any advice for a first time. Will it hurt at all?
Congrats on having an awesome boyfriend The fact that he's made a point of saying he will be gentle is an excellent start since it indicates he's actually thought about this issue and will keep it in mind when the 'little head' starts doing the thinking. Re poppers - I've never used them and have no interest in trying them any more than any other substance. While my understanding is that they aren't a flat-out narcotic or the like, they can apparently lead to a massive orgasm followed by an equally massive headache. Personally, I don't consider that a great advertisement for either their safety or their use at all. And anyway, with the right preparation and approach, there's no reason you'll need them for anal. Speaking of which... The three main things with anal are preparation, relaxation, and technique: Preparation: a) You will want to have a bowel movement sometime before the actual event. This will 'clean out the system' pretty effectively. Some people recommend enemas, but the current general consensus on this is that these aren't the healthiest thing and aren't really necessary. b) Lube: You will want a water-based lube (oil based can degrade the condom - you are of course using condoms - I'm not familiar with silicone based lubes in this area, suggest some online research) that doesn't dry out too quickly. I think it's been said that you can never use too much lube. Some lubes advertise themselves as specialized for anal sex and include ingredients that are numbing for the supposed pain. You probably want to stay away from these, both because they aren't needed if you're doing it right and because they may also numb the good sensations that you are presumably going for by having anal in the first place. Sidebar: Different lubes have different 'textures'. Over the longer term you might want to consider buying small or sample sizes of different ones to see what you like best whether for anal or for mutual masturbation activities, if you're into that sort of thing. c) A towel (or two) - There is likely to be a certain amount of moisture (sweat, semen, excess lube, etc) in play by the time you are done, so a nice fluffy hand towel (like you'd use to dry your hands in the bathroom) is not a bad idea. Having cleanup materials ready to hand means you don't have to get up to run to the bathroom for them (or a shower) right afterwards but can just relax a bit and cuddle or more quickly continue with the next phase of the festivities (depending on how you like to structure these things). d) If you are willing to take a bit more time working up to the actual anal sex with your boyfriend part, you could potentially invest in some toys specialized for anal play. These can get you used to being penetrated, can come in smaller sizes, and can lead to you associating anal play with pleasure, which will make it easier for you to be penetrated by him later. Relaxation: It is possible, with practice, to get to the point where you can do anal at the drop of a hat and in all sorts of circumstances. However, that's journeymen grade stuff. For more 'formal' experiences (and definitely for first time, or the first several times), you will want to be relaxed and comfortable, not only with your boyfriend, but on general principles. As such: a) Time - Set things up so you have nowhere you have to be, don't have to get up the next day (if doing this at bedtime), aren't expecting any visitors, etc. Not that this is going to take hours (that's master class stuff), but time pressure or potential interruptions are a constant irritation in life anyway. So why not try to get rid of them for this? b) Mood - What sort of atmosphere do you find most comfortable for this sort of thing? Do you like low lights and soft music? Candles? A crackling fire? The house (or at least bed) extra warm? Or bright lights and a cool breeze because you want to be able to see your boyfriend clearly and like the feel of the air on your skin? Etc. Or do you just want to be in bed together and generate your own atmosphere? The benefits of a nice back rub or body massage should never be underestimated, although this may put you to sleep if it goes on long enough Basically, whatever works best for you and that you find relaxing and comfortable. c) Take it slow - you're likely (almost certainly) going to be both nervous and excited. Your boyfriend is apparently somewhat more experienced but this is his first time with you and he's presumably going to want you to have a good time. So nerves all around. You're going to want to learn to relax the muscles in your anus, which is not an area you probably used to having to pay this sort of attention to. A good start is to use fingering and/or some smaller toys to start loosening things up. You can use a condom or not for this depending on your preference. And lube of course. Your boyfriend will probably be feeling a strong urge to push as things move forward. This is natural and he's apparently experienced and probably aware of this and will control himself until you're ready for things to speed up. Technique: a) How you start can be half the trip here. My recommended starting position would be both of you lying on your sides with your boyfriend behind you. This ensures neither of you are fighting gravity (during which a slip or loss of balance can lead to more rapid or deep penetration than you are yet ready for), you can both relax, he's pressed up against you, etc. A close second favorite for lots of people would be your boyfriend lying on his back why you lower yourself onto him. This gives you a greater degree of control over the pace of things but does have you fighting gravity a bit. Once you have gotten past the initial penetration and into the swing of things you can readily change positions to something that offers other advantages or that you are curious about trying or whatnot. Again, if your boyfriend is already experienced, he may have a favorite position that he already knows he can control himself from. b) Communication - Communication is key. Don't be afraid to talk to your boyfriend to advise him on how you are feeling, how fast/slow/deep he can go, whether he should move a little to the left, repeat what he just did, etc. Non-verbal grunts, groans, sighs, and body movements can also do this, but are rather overrated IMHO unless you are both just really good at that sort of thing. If you like em and they work, use em. But don't be afraid to just flat out say what you want him to do (or keep doing, or do more/harder) if you want to. And of course that works both ways. He should feel comfortable talking to you as well. c) Pain - If you're doing everything else right, there should be no pain or very little pain and it should vanish quickly. If you feel pain, then indicate so and your boyfriend should stop for a bit and let you relax and regroup or possibly change position or something. In my experience, it's also not unusual to feel a bit strange down there afterward. This can range from just a strange feeling to a dull ache (sort of like minor sore muscles). It should go away in a day or two and after you've done anal for a bit it stops happening. d) Things you can do - This doesn't seem to get mentioned much, but as the bottom there are various things you can do to make the experience more fun for your boyfriend. Kissing, touching, etc. are all options, but (with a bit of practice) it is also possible to tighten the muscles in your anus and essentially grip him during penetration. With practice, you can nearly have a third hand available to play with (this may get you breakfast in bed the next morning ) but even simple squeezing at opportune moments during the process can be quite pleasurable for him. Then again, there's something to be said for just lying back and enjoying the sensations he's giving you. Ok, I think that about covers it. Hope this helps, Todd
The EC reference thread is here: Empty Closets - Anal Sex And this thread (and particular Lex's post) covers it all, from beginning to ..um.. end: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/977339-post5.html And a general thread about first times: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/70604-first-time-how-do.html
