So I have been trying anal for years. I've read several articles about anal pain and what's normal, but thought I'd try asking my question here before finding a gay-friendly dr, although I plan to start seeing one anyways! No matter what I do, I experience pain. At this point I won't even try anal with another person. But alone I've tried smaller toys, lots of lube, relaxation, etc. The only thing that solves the problem is numbing agent, and people say not to use that since if you're having pain you should stop! It's always been like this since my first time when I was 17. I made him stop, even though I was in love with the poor bastard...but he was big, 8+ inches. However, I know my canal (? lol) is deep because with numbing agent I can fit a 9 inch dildo, not that I do that often, but I was curious this one (or two) times. I've never had blood come out. Relaxation and lube of course helps, but I just can't get past the pain, even with sloooooow practice. I have felt some pleasure mixed in, which makes me want more, and I love the psychological feeling being on bottom. I'm starting to wonder if something's wrong. Not trying to scare anyone here, it's just that I'm 30 and a grown man...should have figured this out by now. :bang:
I don't know exactly how this should be approached but what you described worked for me. IE taking it slow, lots of lube, working to the bigger. One thing that I finds works well is putting it in and if you feel pain just take it out and go in again (do that a couple of times). It might also be something with irritation in there related to something medical but I really don't know. I think you should talk to that doctor you're looking for about it, he'd be much more helpful than me.
Well the obvious questions I'd ask are, 1. Are you taking it slow? As in, fingers in first, use the dildo after you can take 3 fingers without pain. If you don't do this and just shove it in, then the sphincters don't get time to relax properly. 2. There is a curve in your rectum (the sigmoid colon) that has a sharp turn, if you hit this with a dildo/dick then it can get painful as the "turn" adapts. So, what size dildo are you using? 9 inches is a bit excessive. 3. As stated above, perhaps some irritation of some sort? All the best.
Is the pain at the sphincter or deeper inside? If the sphincter is working fine as an exit, wouldn't the problem be something other than simply not physically relaxing and stretching it? I probably can't be helpful if you answer this, but maybe the next person can.
Yeah, 9 inches makes me sound reckless. I guess I can handle length, but have pain very easily with even a butt plug (unless I use numbing agent). I do start with fingers.. taking it slow. I can't imagine relaxation is still the problem...unless I just can't relax my muscles completely. Irritation is definitely at the sphincter. I wonder if it's not wide enough? I've never heard of this being a problem but everyone's body is different.
I'm concerned about the use of numbing agents, personally I think that pain is a sign of something not going quite right and using a substance just to get something up there is reckless. However I know down there can be quite discomforting especially during sex. How are your dietary patterns? Are you having good solid routine BM's according to your diet? There is a chance that you have some inflammation caused by other issues that flare up during receptive anal sex or play. Also I can't stress enough to use good lube and lots of it, water based and of good quality or good quality silicone. Try different brands and makes as well since some people experience irrational with different compositions. You could have a chronic inflammation issue and that would defiantly be something to bring up with your doctor. There are often ways to moderate the impact of information however you've got to take steps to treat it. I'm lactose intolerant and it irritated my bowls for quite a few years in my past, getting that knowledge and knowing what to avoid made life a lot easier. Talk to your doctor, pain isn't something you should just neglect.
Thank you for the information! I probably don't get enough fiber, but I'm improving. BM's are fairly regular. I've had this problem since I was old enough to start sticking things in. I hope I haven't had chronic inflammation for that long, but I should find out. I don't want to use numbing agents and from what everyone's saying there shouldn't be this much pain. I had kind of accepted it up to now, but it's definitely prevented me from enjoying anal sex. A little worried about seeing a doctor, as I live in a place where gay friendly is important, but there are no gay friendly doctors listed! I'm probably just going to have to put my ass out there and hope for the best. They're doctors after all. They're supposed to be non-discriminatory. Thanks again for your advice
