Hello, I'm going to write my problems down here, I just can't take it anymore, sorry if it' to long. I never met mij real parents. My mom gave me away the day I was born. Despite the fact that I have a good contact with my biological family (I met them a year ago), never met my mom. She died almost 5 years ago, and my dad...I don't know, he's not interested. I live in a foster family. Well, family is not a correct word. My mom is disabled and seems to live against her will. Nothing is ever good for her, she's always mad, she has NO friends, she doesn't go outside, she does not have a job because of her disability. She doesn't take care of herself : she smells, and looks like a hobo. And above all : she just adopted me so she would have someone who would take care of here. I quote her : 'I only adopted you to save my marriage.' She wasn't allowed to adopted a child because of her disability so she told the agency that she was a healthy person. And she doesn't care about me, last year I tried I wanted to kill myself, when someone called here to tell her that she wasn't interested : 'Oh yeah, well...' She even made jokes about it when I'm home late : What's wrong, did you try to kill yourself ? She divorced from my 'dad' 11 years ago. And I hate him. He called me a slut, a whore, a tramp, an ugly child, how he wished that I looked more like my friend, how he was ashamed of me as his daughter. Those things happened almost everyday, he made me have an ugly short afro haircut. I looked like an ugly boy, hot yelled at at school, on the street...I was bullied. Ofcourse that was my fault...And when we were driving home he always said : 'I'm going to kill you, I'm going to drive against that tree'. Or his favorite line : 'If you don't do that I'll kill myself. He even faket that he tried it so everyone would hate me. I just feel so empty, I feel sick all the time, I have an obsession of vomiting. I'm afraid of it because of the stress. I have created an Obsessive–compulsive disorder. I feel alone, I never had a GF or something. I always fall in love with girls who are like at least 5 years older than me, who are straight, who live in a different country or who don't show interest in me. Most of the time it's a combination of those things. The only place where I feel at home is school. Last year I had great teachers who helped me and this year I had a classmate with who I talked about the stuff with my dad. But he commited suicide 5 months ago. Sorry for the long post, I had to get this of my chest.
It helps to get it all out. I can't talk from your position because I have never been in a similar situation. All I can do is hope for you and try and offer comfort. If you're facing a bad home life, spend more time at school, getting close to supportive teachers. If your dad is making jokes and threats about killing himself or you, then definitely speak about it to the teacher that is closest to you. And also, there's the whole of the EC community- you always can come back here. (*hug*)
That's a difficult background to come from and it is no surprise you are feeling so bad. You have been verbally/ mentally abused and - over all these years - it will have taken its toll on your feelings of self worth. If you are trying to work out of it on your own I would strongly suggest you open up confidentially to someone about it. Bottling it up in your head is probably no way to solve this. School counsellor, therapist or just a good trusted friend. And/or see your doctor who can put you on the right track and give you someone to confide in. Writing here will help too .. so keep writing.
First off; (*hug*) You shouldn't have to go through this, no one should. You have no idea how much respect I have for you right now. Most of the people I've met who have ever been in a situation close to this usually snap or take the wrong route. If your family isn't capable of appreciating that ALONE then they're not worth it. Remember, your mother is disabled. She's a cranky old lady that's too blinded by her cruelty to even NOTICE how wonderful a person you are. Therefore, taking her word as truth is the same as trusting a hungry lion not to eat you after marinating yourself with BBQ sauce. Your father is obviously mentally challenged, I mean literally, he obviously has some deep rooted mental issues. You're not ugly, no matter what ANYONE says, there's beauty in everything. One flower looks like gold to one person and shit to the other. I.E; Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. There are 7 billion pairs of eyes, so you'll meet a few rotten ones every now and then. As for your friend, I'm very sorry to hear that. Can you find those teachers from last year and talk to them? They're obviously very helpful, and would certainly serve to help you in the future. Anyone who can't appreciate you obviously isn't worth your valuable time or attention. I'll repeat this again; You're an amazing role-model. If you feel unsafe at home I suggested you find an outlet or someone to contact. A friend, or if things get too hectic go immediately to an authority figure. It's just one more year, then you can move out away from the morons and avoid them like the plague. Think about it, just one more year and you'll be free. I really do hope things get better for you, Just remember this, we're all your friends here. Just keep that fact in mind and you'll remember that there are SOME decent people in this world.
Oh my God that is just terrible! I feel really bad for you. If they don't care about you then you shouldn't care about them. They're horrible people. If I were you I'd get a job and save up money to leave that hellhole as soon as I turn 18.
Honey, it isn't your fault. None of it is. You just have to concentrate on your life and taking the path you want to take. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're on the younger side- someday you will be able to pave the kind of life you want for yourself. It won't always be easy but you can do it. It takes time to find someone who is compatible but trust me, you will find them one day. It will be ok! I am so sorry you are going though it but whatever issues your parents have faced, most they brought upon themselves.
