I don't know about other people, but I have always wondered, why do people have certain fetishes that easily turn them on? What is it in someone's subconscious that makes them attracted to certain things that would be a turn-off to others? I was wondering about this because I am starting to get a bit worried about my fetish. I get extremely turned on by being a sex slave. While I have never actually done this (I'm still a virgin) there is a part of me who just wants to please other men and be completely subservient to them. I fantasize about being used by whole roomfuls of men sometimes, and I also go on gay chatrooms where i act as a virtual slave. It worries me though because, first of all, i know its not right. Why would I possibly enjoy being humiliated and degraded like that? Im not sure but it happens. Also, as of right now, I have this goal of finding the perfect guy to settle down with and just be happy with him... but what if this fetish gets worse? What if I someday want to act out these fantasies? I know already how unwise THAT decision would be. So is there anyone else who thinks of these things? Or any other possible fetishes?
Aww (*hug*) I don't think you need to worry so much about being turned on by something that you feel might not be the most common. I don't know if this is just me, but I've actually talked to a few people who have similar BDSM fantasies to yours. I don't think there's anything wrong with having fantasies or eventually acting on them, as long as all of those present are consenting adults.
I think a lot of people who have sex slave fetishes often have underlying shame about desiring sex. Being "forced" to do these "filthy" things means you don't have to acknowledge that on some level you really WANT to do them. The option of being "good" or "pure" is removed so you can just focus on acts themselves. That said, having those sorts of fantasies doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's fairly common. The BDSM community tries to find safe ways to indulge and live out these fantasies, though I would advise you to wait till you're older, and more sexually and socially experienced before you open that can of worms.
There's nothing shameful about a fetish (as long as it isn't illegal), and you can totally act out a humiliation and/or subservient fantasy within the context of a healthy relationship. It happens all the time in the BDSM crowd. As long as you talk about it extensively before doing it, there's nothing dysfunctional about having that fetish catered to. Think of your fetish as like a sex toy that you always have with you; you don't have to use it if you don't want to, but doesn't it feel so much better when you do? Frankly, that sounds like armchair psychology to me.
In most cases, it's impossible to know. I do know of some cases where it's obvious where a fetish came from. Some sexual abuse survivors (but not most) have fetishes that are suspiciously similar to the abuse, for example. And I read a case of a guy attracted to a polar bear, whose parents had a weird thing about nicknaming his private parts 'little bear' and 'big bear', and a bunch of other weird stuff about bears when he was growing up. But the vast majority of cases, there are no clear causes for a given fetish. Incidentally, I've also heard that fetishes are easier to deliberately change than your sexual orientation is. Basically, if you want a new fetish, it can often work to just pair that thing with sexual stimulation often enough. (This does not work for sexual orientation, as has been proven by many 'ex-gay' therapies.)
I have stated elsewhere that getting to the goal of full sexual intercourse can be enlivened by lingerie. This would also include engaging in a fetish. I believe it is an attempt to inject imagination and fantasy into an otherwise prosaic activity, so that getting there is more than half the fun!
Unfortunately, the research on fetishism is still nascent. There are a few theories though: foot fetishism is linked to times of disease, giving rise to the hypothesis that certain fetishes are an evolutionary response to high disease rates. To put this in perspective, the amount of people with a foot fetish has skyrocketed since 1981, obviously linked to the AIDS crisis. There is another theory that links foot fetishism to general female dominance in society, the two phenomena frequently overlapping (without relationship) throughout history.
I thought it was just because the "sex" part of the brain and the "foot" part of the brain were in the same area but on opposite sides, so they are often triggered at the same time.
There's nothing wrong with fetishes as long as they are legal, as Owen stated. Personally I seem to have an apparent jockstrap fetish, but I'm fine with it. It shouldn't affect your future partner in that way at all, they should feel happy to fulfill your needs in that way, wanting to give your partner pleasure is a part of a relationship, and fetishes are often part of that. I'd say it's rare to find someone who doesn't have some sort of unusual preference in the bedroom. All the best.
