Ok so if you guys read my backstory its a pretty doozy of a story. Long story short, I'm struggling with my sexual identity and a new development has arisen. My sex drive hasn't been the same since coming out and since I've been struggling with all these questions. How was it for anyone else who has struggled with this? I mean I am pushing 39 this year but before all this my libido was pretty strong. I'm pretty healthy (not tooting my own horn here but people do tell me I look young, like in my 20's young :icon_redf lol). I mean I see guys who used to turn me on and nothing. Thinking about sex with anyone doesn't even register anymore. My guess is that it's stress and all in my head and that I should take it easy on myself but easier said than done.
Many years ago I ended a three year relationship and went through a period where I was almost unnaturally calm. I also stopped being ticklish (and I am normally REALLY ticklish - totally incapacitated by tickling basically). This all eventually faded and I went back to my normal self. But stress can do weird things to you. If you think it would help your peace of mind (and it never hurts to be sure) you should consider talking to a doctor just to confirm that you're fine physically. Regarding your age, it's possible for things to slow down around 40, but seems unlikely to just stop (and that's where the dr visit comes in). Actually my sex drive started increasing around 40 and has jumped again within the last year due to some diet and other changes I've been making. I suspect your issue is stress related as well but that if it persists for more than a month or two that you should see a dr (and assuming that your stress levels start coming down in that period of course). My 2c worth, Todd
I'll add another cent to Todd's excellent advice. After coming out, I no longer felt the need for hookups, but whatever sex I've had since then has been amazing. The difference? There was a relationship. I don't know if this applies to you, as Todd said, stress plays tricks with the body, but it's something to consider...
Try exercising, the chemicals stimulated in the brain during exercise can make you happier, so I've heard from doctors. Consider if you've started any new medications that may affect libido. If it applies, lose weight. And as Todd said above, look for the stressors in your life, they, of course, impact your mood and overall mental well-being.
My guess is that it is stress surrounding coming out. It is probably taking its toll. Gay, bi, gay then back to bi. It's a bit of an endless loop of confusion. Definitely not meds or needing to lose weight (has barely changed over the last 20 yrs) Not feeling the need for hookups is interesting though. I'm wondering that has somehow changed the way I see porn/guys. What I kinda do know is that emotional connection is a BIG thing for me and maybe that's the problem now... *sigh* if it's not one thing it's another...
I know right? I remember a very sad story from decades ago, it was about a man who was dying of AIDS. It turns out he had a voracious sexual appetite, he didn't care if they were male or female, he said he has tried everything, except with minors. But what was poignant was that he said, for all that experience, he still craved love and spoke about the importance of love... The older I get, the more I feel an emotional connection is important for everything in a relationship, not only arousal (though no less important...)
