I'll just say right now that I'm not suicidal and I don't self harm myself. Normally this is something I would ask my therapist but that borders something she said she might tell my mother. I am to much of a wimp to even consider suicide. I almost cut twice and was serious about it but I just couldn't. One of my thoughts were I wouldn't really care a whole lot if there was a school shooting and I was a victim. I wouldn't care if I got hit by a car/train/plane/etc. so long as I didn't feel pain for too long, hell might even welcome it even though my instincts would probably kick in and I'd resist. I don't know if it's depression or whatever causing this or it's just that I'm not afraid of dying. How bad is this? on a scale of say 1-100
so like, passive suicide? in a way that you're part of actually someone's crime? I thought about it too... I even toyed with the thought of faking my suicide as an accident, but i haven't read enough detective novels to figure out the exact way lol. (especially if they can DNA fingerprint nowadays) well, you're 15.... work hard in school and move out for college and start a new life? yes, being a teen can suck. being in high school can suck. but you can do it. people grow up, people change
I felt like that when I was younger too so you are not alone. I also didnt talk to my therapist b/c i know they take things like that very seriously (as they should) and I didn't want them to commit me to inpatient psych. So it is very tricky talking to therapists about this and im glad that you are posting here for support. Im not sure where on a 1 to 100 scale that is but it sounds like you are taking the right steps by posting here and regularly seeing a therapist. I got through the dark period and you will too : )
I sometimes feel the same. Sometimes I've actually said the words 'just let me die'. Other times I'm the happiest person ever. My life is very tedious and I'm actually sick of not being 100% myself. It's normal to sometimes feel this way. As long as you're not harming yourself.
It’s not necessary to feel scared of death in order to love life. I could easily die tomorrow and not regret a single thing I did or didn’t. And if we talk about suicidal thoughts, I had them too. Never acted on them and hopefully never will. You’re still young. Your whole life is ahead of you and you could live it any way you want. So the next time you feel like getting suicidal, take your time to relax, collect your thoughts, and do something you like, listen to your favourite music… It’s a good thing that something stops you every time you think about it. And that something is different for everyone. For me it was just my stubbornness to keep living no matter what. Think about what you want from life and set your efforts towards that goal, and when you achieve it, just set another one.
You are not the only one who is like that. When I was a teen I self harmed (Well I still did until last year). Thankfully I have accepted myself and come out which is the best thing I have done. But that aside, when I was a teen my greatest wish was to go to sleep and never wake up again. I had dumb ideas of swallowing a load of Dad's sleeping pills and hoping that it would knock me out completely and stop my heart (as some can do) I then confessed this to the councillor and got deemed a suicide risk, it was scary at first but I got the help I needed
This does sound like depression. Have you told your therapist that you are gay? Do you think your feelings have any connection with you being gay?
Yeah, I told her last time I saw her, but I'm not telling her this, therapists freak about things like this too much.
I think that if it bothers you enough to ask about it on here, its serious enough for you to tell your therapist. Just explain to her that you aren't actually suicidal. Believe me, therapists are trained to not overeact. When I told my therapist about my suicidal thoughts, she acted in a very calm, collected, and proffesional manner, acting very naturally, as if i had just asked her about the weather.
Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. Nope, as you're seeing you are not alone. Same here. In fact I'd say I have faint ideations going on in the back of my mind pretty regularly ... :/
Maybe I read this a bit late, but still I want to add something because I think it is important. Ok. So there is a school incident and you die. You don't care, you are dead, no problem. But are you alone? What about you parents, your friends? Won't your death affect them negatively? Won't they cry over your dead body? Even those who don't like you will notice that you are absent from their lifes. Don't be self-centered. You are a part of this world and you shape it. Even if you don't feel so, other people know you are there, they see what you do, they know who you are, they remember you, they think of you (in a good or a bad way, it doesn't matter). Once you are dead, it won't make any difference to you because you won't be alive to feel anything, but it will make to others. How would you feel if your parents were dead? Once they are gone, and by that I mean gone FOREVER, will it make you feel better learning that they didn't care whether they were alive or not? Personally, I would feel abandoned and betrayed. I loved them and they didn't even bother being by my side. So think of the consequences. I had similar thoughts just like you when I was younger, but now I know how wrong I was. Death will come inevitably, so what are you going to do? There is the pessimistic point of view that you expressed, waiting passively for it to come, but there is the optimistic one too: you will live every moment and share it with those that you love and who love you, try to leave your special mark on the world and then be remembered as that awesome person who will always be in our heart and mind. (To be honest, that's a bit too optimistic, but who cares...).
