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No Satisfaction from Sex

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Starsurfer, May 9, 2013.

  1. Starsurfer

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    Hi everyone!

    I'm sorry if this isn't the proper place to talk about this, but I really need advice about this problem.

    I'm currently in a relationship with this guy. We've been together now for over a year. Last December we had sex for the first time with me on the bottom. It hurt a little, which I expected, but I didn't really get any pleasure from it other than the fact that I knew he was enjoying himself. I thought that maybe it was just because it was our first time, but the second time didn't do much for me either. We recently tried switching roles and his face lit up the moment we started so I know he was enjoying himself while I was on top

    The problem is... I wasn't. Even with the roles reversed, I still wasn't getting much out of it. I normally take a bit of time anyway, but I'm hardly feeling anything enjoyable at all.

    Are we doing something wrong? I mean I am the "larger" (and tighter) one of the two of us, so I guess that probably has something to do with it. There is also a fairly significant height difference between us, which makes it difficult to find a position that is comfortable for us both.

    Do any of you have some advice? I honestly haven't the slightest clue how to handle this, and I'm afraid it'll be a bigger problem down the road if it persists...
     
  2. tane503

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    Well, I dont mean to ask a stupid question, but do you even orgasm while you guys are having sex? Cause if not that could very well be why...
     
  3. Starsurfer

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    Um... Well, I guess the answer to that would be no. He can make me orgasm during oral with some time, but I've never done it during anal sex. The first time when I was on bottom, I didn't orgasm at all. The second time, I had my orgasm prior to having sex, and when I topped last time, I didn't orgasm again.
     
  4. Chip

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    Sometimes, for some people, there's some combination of physical and psychological (usually more psychological) "interference" that gets in the way of arousal and orgasm.

    Particularly if it's taking a lot of time, there may be some lack of feeling completely comfortable or safe or relaxed during sex, which is often not even conscious. Do you take a long time, or have difficulties with orgasm and ejaculation when you masturbate?
     
  5. Starsurfer

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    No, I usually can orgasm quickly when I'm just masturbating. It's only when we're having sex (oral and anal) that it takes a while. At least during oral he can get it to happen, though it takes time and at one point he couldn't even do that. During anal I'm not getting much of anything at all; no prostate stimulation on bottom and no enjoyable sensations on top either. I do masturbate a lot though. Do you think that might have something to do with it? I usually refrain from doing so when I know I'm going to see him, in case he wants to fool around, which he usually does.
     
  6. Elena

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    I'm a female so it might be different in my case, but are you turned on prior to penetration? I don't really know so much about gay sex (and even so, it probably differs a lot among gays) but did you try foreplay or something?

    It might be also just possible that you're not into penetration. People are into different things, and sometimes it's just possible that something's not your cup of tea, even if anal sex is 'typical' for gays.

    You should talk to your boyfriend about it and figure out a solution together. Talking to him about it might also help with you feeling more relaxed and confident and maybe the problem will sort itself out. Good luck and hopefully I helped even though I'm a lesbian myself.
     
  7. Sica

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    I've had the same issue as you, or well partly. I'm a bottom, so I can only write from experiences as a bottom.

    I need to really WANT it or else it's not going to feel good, also having an orgasm prior to anal sex is in my opinion HORRIBLE. It doesn't work at all for me then it just wont be nice. Try mixing up how fast you/he goes, it also makes a huge difference, at least for me. For example I tend to not get an orgasm if the guy is going on like there's no tomorrow.

    Oh and is this an issue you've had before? Are you really comfortable with this guy? Not being completely comfortable also tends to make me just lay there waiting for it to be over.
     
  8. Starsurfer

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    Yes, I'm turned on prior to penetration. He can get it up even before we start actually doing anything. It's just that I feel that I should be feeling some form of enjoyment while it is happening. Like I said, the initial pain of penetration isn't bad, and once it's in I'm fine. But there's no prostate stimulation like there should be and topping just wasn't my thing at all.

    You might be right though. While I definitely want to have anal, maybe I'm one of those people who it just doesn't work for. I'll try out a few things with my boyfriend and see if anything changes. Thank you though. You did help :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 12th May 2013 at 09:10 PM ----------

    Well the really wanting it isn't an issue. (It's recently come to my attention that I have a very high sex drive) Now that you mention it though, the second time we had sex was significantly less enjoyable. Having the orgasm before might've been to blame. I'll try having him switch up speeds next time though. Hopefully that helps.

    And this is the first time I've had this problem. My boyfriend is the only person to have successfully penetrated me. The other two guys who have tried couldn't get it in. I'm very comfortable with him so I don't think it's that. It might be positions too. I'll try to figure something out from that angle

    Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate it :slight_smile: