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Parents want me tall and buff

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by lazyfire, May 29, 2013.

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  1. lazyfire

    lazyfire
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    So, I don't think my message has been very clear to my parents ever since we started a gym membership. I'm so tired and done with their attitude over how I look.
    I'm skinny and they're trying to make me look muscular. How can I gain muscles when I don't have fat at all? I'm literally skin and bone! I have no motivation to work at the gym; I find it really boring there and have no reason to go!

    My parents also want me to be taller because I'd attract girls more often? Ha, and they say their reason for my exercise is valid. I mean, I don't really want to and I don't feel that I need to. I know exercise is important but I don't feel unhealthy. I eat healthy; I feel healthy. That was before my exercise routine.

    My parents always want me to play basketball. It's annoying because I never liked basketball. Even my cousin who promised to teach me basketball made me hate him. He acted all arrogant and pathetic when teaching me. You see, I don't like the attitude of the people who play. (Sorry to those nice basketball players who respect everyone). I was never a sports person. But, my parents always complain about the smallest things. I can't get them to understand.

    Not to mention, I have a skin color disorder (vitiligo). My parents make me dip homemade medications on the skin itself. Then they make me stand out in the sun to increase the effects. I don't know who told them it would work; I have a hunch it isn't ever going to work. They even said, "The only way for something to ever work is if you really care about making it work".

    Needless to say, I don't give a sh** about my skin condition. People know me because of this condition. It's always been in the same spot; it's because I accepted this condition and it's a part of me.

    They just won't understand how I feel!

    "You're so skinny!".
    "We're putting on the meds today". <= Daily reminders =___=
    "You don't eat fast enough".
    "You eat such small portions".
    "When I was your age, I could eat 5 bowls of ---". <= Bullshit. No one cares.

    Has anyone been through this?
    Would this all change if I just told them, "I'm gay?". Be honest with them? Or, continue to live with this bull?
     
    #1 lazyfire, May 29, 2013
  2. Hexagon

    Hexagon
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    Tell them to go fuck themselves. With those precise words. Then tell them you don't have to keep them in your life, and they way they treat you is putting a strain on your relationship. You don't care about the same things they do, so if they want to keep you in their lives, they'd better can it.
     
    #2 Hexagon, May 29, 2013
  3. Vegas Boy

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    It seems like to me that they are just trying to change you into what they imagine as their perfect son. If I were you I would just tell them that I am who I am and that nothing they do is going to make you change. About telling them that your gay is up to you. I don't think it would make a huge difference since they probably don't suspect anything now and they still are trying to change you. If they are really conservative maybe this wouldn't be he nest time to come out though.
     
    #3 Vegas Boy, May 29, 2013
  4. lazyfire

    lazyfire
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    Isn't that a bit harsh? :O I'm kind of worried they would probably fuss and yell at me.

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2013 at 03:36 PM ----------
    I feel as if my mom has suspected something because my little cousin has blurted something out and my mom literally jolted her attention towards us. We were sitting right next to her (by the way).

    My cousin had said, "You're gay so just ask the guy out!".

    Mom: O_O;; (looks)

    I don't want to make the situation more awkward then it already is.
     
    #4 lazyfire, May 29, 2013
  5. Rice and Pepper

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    The fact that you are gay has nothing to do with what you are going through right now. I agree with Vegas Boy. Telling them that you are gay will make things worse. And I agree with Hexagon, but try saying "F you" a bit more gently.
     
    #5 Rice and Pepper, May 29, 2013
  6. lazyfire

    lazyfire
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    They usually say:

    "We paid for the gym".
    "You're just lazy".

    Wow. How do I retaliate?!
     
    #6 lazyfire, May 29, 2013
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    Don't tell them to fuck themselves. Nothing productive will come of that.

    As for the vitiligo... Michael Jackson suffered from that, and he used every holistic as well as medical treatment that existed. I'm certain that if there were a simple, inexpensive homebrew that worked, he would have used it, but instead, he paid tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars for skin bleaching and other cosmetic procedures. I'd say you could gently point that out to your parents.

    As to all the other issues... you don't say how old you are, and that makes a difference, If you're close to or over 18, then I think it's reasonable to have a meaningful conversation and tell them that you are who you are and you'd like to choose your own interests, your own level of gym activity, and so forth. It's possible your parents are too shallow to be able to "get" that, in which case you may have to just basically shut them out.

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this; parents should be unconditionally loving and accepting, and it sounds like yours are judgmental and shallow, and that's never fun.
     
    #7 Chip, May 29, 2013
  8. lazyfire

    lazyfire
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    Is there anywhere I can go to leave? I'm almost seventeen and I'd like to leave. I'm starting to feel a bit sad. Any ideas? :O
     
    #8 lazyfire, May 29, 2013
  9. Zam

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    Eat proteins ?
     
    #9 Zam, May 29, 2013
  10. Chip

    Chip
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    If you're 16, you don't have a lot of options. You can't legally leave home, and, honestly, what you're describing doesn't really qualify as abuse that child protective services would act on.

    So your best bet is to just do the best you can, minimize yoru interaction with your parents, and try to develop healthy friendships with other people around your age so you have people to be around who will be supportive. You could also work on getting a job and saving every dime you can so that when you turn 18, you'll have a bit of a nest egg to pay for an apartment (or college dorm) so you can move out of their home. I think that's your best bet.
     
    #10 Chip, May 30, 2013
  11. LuckyScrubs

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    Judging from your description, you are definitely an Ectomorph which means that to get buff or bigger your main focus is on the lots of food intake with correct nutrients. Gym exercise should be heavy and intense but keep it short. Then again if gym is not your thing, you can ignore this :slight_smile:

    I can't say I've been through the same as you with parents as they are loving, but I got bullied in school which pressured me to hate myself. That was 7 years ago and they are just a story now. As Chip has mentioned that once you able to move out, you can find what's best for you and no one can tell you otherwise, depending on your mentality.
     
    #11 LuckyScrubs, May 30, 2013
  12. Ben

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    Have you talked to them about how you feel?
     
    #12 Ben, May 30, 2013
  13. Ettina

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    With regards to the vitiligo thing, from what I understand vitiligo is purely cosmetic. So if you don't mind it, there's no problem with it. Your parents should accept that.

    With regards to exercise, well, you shouldn't necessarily strive to be a big muscled gorilla kind of guy, but it is a good idea to get in shape. Even if you're skinny and you eat healthy, not exercising is bad for your health. (In fact, exercise matters more than diet when it comes to health.) But make sure to pick a form of exercise that you enjoy, instead of doing what your parents want you to do. Can you think of any sports or exercises you like? Running, swimming, going for long walks, playing soccer, martial arts - all of those are as good if not better than going to a gym to work out.

    Plus, if you have an alternate form of exercise, it's a pretty good way to counter the claim that you're lazy.
     
    #13 Ettina, May 30, 2013
  14. Hexagon

    Hexagon
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    Hmm, it always works for me. Either that or talking about my plans to get more facial piercings.
     
    #14 Hexagon, May 30, 2013
  15. Typhoon

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    Nooooooooooooooooooo.
    Go to the gym.

    You get to see a lot of guys with various stages of undress :3


    Up to you. Tell them that a few of the members at the gym are gay and have been trying to make your face pregnant if they are homophobic.
     
    #15 Typhoon, May 30, 2013
  16. lazyfire

    lazyfire
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    The problem with seeing those 'muscular' guys, I always feel inferior to them and I tend to hide in the stalls. :| I just don't want to see them; it makes me feel even lower than ever. I tend to always compare myself with them and I know how attractive they are because they just are.

    It makes me feel sad because I'm itching to be with someone like that but their physical characteristics make me stray from them not go towards them...

    My eyes tell me, "I really want that guy".
    My brain tells me, "No. Off limits".

    It's a problem I've been having since my very first straight crush. I always imagine those guys with blonde girls who always put too much makeup on.

    Then, I just shrivel up in a stall and kind of keep to myself until I have a hunch my mom hunts for me. LOL

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2013 at 08:56 PM ----------
    They have an excuse for everything they try to control.

    My dad first said: "We don't want it to spread".

    The point is having the sunlight increase the intensity of the medication is saying, "Let's remove that skin condition."

    It's wasting my time and his time. Honestly, in the 3 minutes I'm standing out there, I could be seriously doing something other than alleviating his 'worrying'.

    3 minutes may seem short but it's the fact that I'm standing out there alone, doing absolutely nothing, trying to get my body positioned so that the sunlight actually reaches my spot.

    He doesn't even spend time with me outside. He just stands inside and counts. The other frustrating thing is that it's always random. He's never consistent with this schedule. One minute he cares about everything; the next day he doesn't give a shit about me.

    I love to run and swim. But, they don't like me swimming outside and the inside pool is closed off for some odd reason. No more lap swimming apparently. D:


    U^U Gyahhh

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2013 at 08:58 PM ----------
    My vocabulary sucks. I was staring at ectomorph for the first time and just kind of zoned out. Ha. Time for some research. But, thanks! I'll keep it in mind aha.

    Can't wait till I hit 18. I was thinking of coming out at the airport 5 minutes before departure (through text). Mwahahaha

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2013 at 09:00 PM ----------
    They always brush me off and act like everything is normal.

    A day after an argument or so they completely 'forget' everything and revert to factory mode. Lol

    I'll continuously remind them now that I've seen this reply but I don't want to feel like a brat for complaining about these things. Y'know?
     
    #16 lazyfire, May 30, 2013
  17. Argentwing

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    Somebody tall and skinny with vitiligo? Are you sure you didn't take snippets from my biography? XD That's insane. But I agree with the others; you're going to do what you want to do. Others can only guide you, and I'd expect them to stop it at that.
     
    #17 Argentwing, May 30, 2013
  18. Ettina

    Ettina
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    If it doesn't bother you, then what does it matter if it spreads?
     
    #18 Ettina, May 30, 2013
  19. Gen

    Gen
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    This seems like a page out of my life. I'm 5'5" and slim. The height complaints are just ridiculous, my mother acted as though I were chopping off knees. Not to mention, I love being on the shorter side. Likewise, I am not muscular and have absolutely no desire to be. Though I do exercise frequently and have a more slim/toned look.

    While I do recommend that you exercise even if you eat healthy, you shouldn't run off and become a bodybuilder because that is what your parents want for you. Truthfully, it sounds as though they are trying to build you into the perfect 'archetype' of a man, which is completely deluded and overrated. My mother attempted to do the same with me, and I simply chose to ignore her. She has been in and out of relationships her entire life so I don't think her idea of the optimal male is working out to well for her anyway.

    Just be yourself and love who that person is. Personally, I am the more basically petite sized non-masculine gay male. Its no mystery how most people may see in regards to my gender, especially if I were in a relationship with a more masculine, taller, muscular male. But to put it blatantly, it shouldn't be much of a mystery as to how many shits I give either. Life is far too short.

    Don't feel inadequate to a man for his muscle, any idiot can curl a bar. There are far my noble things to value in an individual.
     
    #19 Gen, May 30, 2013
  20. SilverGirl

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    well i think the best way would be to try to tell them exactly what you told us, they may be brushing it off, but keep pushing it and some day they have to take it seriously

    tell them you want to be what YOU want to be, not what THEY want you to be
     
    #20 SilverGirl, May 30, 2013
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