when i was little, i was diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder, and tourette syndrome. i had alot of trouble with it for a while, but when i was 7, it got out of hand. i was suicidal at the age of 7, and was admitted to a mental hospital that year. i was then put into special ed at my elementary school, even though my iq was like 80th percentile (or something like that). i don't remember much, just my parent's restraining me as i was trying to get a hold of a knife (i was 7 at the time). also that the people at the mental hospital weren't very nice. they by law had to give me some kind of school work. i wold just cry and not do the work. they often threatened to inject me with sedatives if i didn't stop crying. after that, i faced seemingly never ending bullying in middle school. people were just total dicks, and they never gave it a rest. it all came to it's peak in 8th grade, when some kid kept calling me a faggot. i punched him in the face 3 times, and got suspended. even though every single teacher, student, and parent volunteer who saw was in my favor, and insisted that they let me off the hook (this kid deserved it, they knew it, and one teacher even told me so). after that, things got alot better. i started my freshman year in high school, where i met all of my friends at band camp. (many of which were seniors, so nobody dared fuck with me. 20 seniors all decided that they would beat the crap out of whoever did). i'm just finishing up my regents for this year (one more left) and things are looking pretty great. but i feel like my childhood kind of fucked with my head. i am SUPER shy, (i'm sometimes to shy to even talk to family) and i really can't talk to anybody i don't know. people who don't know me often say i'm socially awkward (and i guess i am), but people i know, me know me as a loud, talkative, funny person. i also have a hard time adjusting to things. i don't know if my childhood had anything to do with this, but i do know that it still scares me just thinking about it. do you guys think that my childhood might have effected my personality?
I'm quite sure your childhood effected your personality. I think everyone's childhood impacts their personality. How much (and in what ways) is hard to say since it's not like we can replay your life with a different outcome and see how different (or not) you end up being in the new scenario and compare. Although, given how extreme your experiences were, I suspect people might be inclined (possibly with some justification) to point to specific aspects of your personality and connect them to specific events or periods in your childhood. Although only a trained professional would probably have the background to do it such that I'd be inclined to really trust the connections suggested. A good chunk of my childhood was pretty crappy and I know it impacted my personality. That all said, while your personality may become more stable as you age, I don't think it ever really freezes in place (or at least it doesn't have to). I am a different person now then I was 20yrs ago or even 10 yrs ago. Much of that stems from new experiences, ongoing development of my life (changing jobs, making more money, different pets, etc.) Given your age, you still have a lot of time for your personality to develop and grow and stabilize. Also, a common part of aging is increased ability and experience and the confidence that goes with it. It sounds like you've made a lot of changes/progress already considering where you started and I'm sure that will continue. My 2c worth, Todd
^^ I'll second that. Notably I kind of come from a pretty bad childhood as well and I know that from being out in other places with other people and in different situations I'm really a lot different than the person who I used to be. So I would try and put it behind you if you can, working forwards and putting yourself first is really your priory for now, your childhood could defiantly had effected yourself in the past but going forwards is the time to work on that. Hey best of luck to you, it sounds like you've been though a lot (*hug*).
Could be. I've never had it as bad as you, but I've had a really bad temper since I was pretty little (autism and PTSD, with depressive episodes) and often I'm scared of my own temper and avoid conflict mainly because I'm worried I'll blow up. For example if my university prof does anything that really upsets me, I tend to drop the class immediately instead of trying to resolve the issue. I suspect this is because of how I used to get in trouble for physically attacking teachers (although they usually started it by trying to restrain me or block me from running away). I was even kicked out of school for fighting with the principal, which is when my parents started homeschooling me.
thanks (*hugs back*), i really don't have a problem with my personality, i was just curious, just thinking back on what i went through, i thought it might be part of why i'm like this (part of it is probably just that i'm weird though)
