Vagina confidence

I think part of what I'm struggling with as I question my sexuality is a lack of vagina confidence. What is that you might ask? Security in your womanhood. A sense of irresistability that some women have about themselves: they can stand naked in front of someone and enjoy it, and their genitalia will perform admirably in even the roughest of circumstances.

I have had several occasions where I just wish a guy would reach down my pants and play with me, but there's no below-the-belt touching on his end, like he just wants to get it in. It's like he doesn't want to put his hands there, or offer to go down on me, he just wants to plain and simple have P-in-V sex. It's been almost insulting. And the first guy who went down on me didn't seem to enjoy it at all. (I don't think I taste bad or anything; first time a girl went down on me she said i tasted good and she seemed to really enjoy going down on me. Also guys have gone down on me since and really liked it... but I can't let that first experience go.)

Some guys I've been with have been really into my vagina, but some have not; my self esteem has gotten to the point where I don't want people to go down on me because I worry they'll get grossed out. And now I wanna sleep with girls but I don't want to go down on them because what if vaginas really are gross because the guys who didn't wanna go down on me had a point? (I mean I know that's not true but that's my fear.)

So I'm wanting sex with girls, but I don't think they'll enjoy my body fully and I don't think I'll enjoy theirs, but I also don't want my desire for girls to be based on the assumption that guys don't want all of me and maybe girls will. On the other hand, there was always something lacking in my past sexual experience that maybe indicates that I don't enjoy the type of sex I usually get with guys, so maybe for real intimacy it has to be with a girl. Who knows.

Has anyone else experienced this?