What is happening to me? I am really scared

(*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) You need a lot of these.

You need to tell your boyfriend what you are feeling, and you need to let him to know to keep an eye out on you until your therapy session where you can tell your therapist what you're feeling. That way, you might not end up doing that again. Until then, keep chugging through and try to stay positive. (*hug*)

 

I don't have any really good advice. Just hang in there I guess. I assume this anger is coming from somewhere buried deep down. I'm sure your therapist will help you figure out what is really getting you depressed and angry.
Just focus on the good things in your life. You got a boyfriend, that's one good thing. At least you're not single :b
Maybe also try to find something else besides cutting that calms you down or makes you happier. Maybe a walk in the woods? Cooking? Video games? Reading? Another thing I found for myself, is if you just smile even if you feel like crap, you'll eventually smile for real and feel way better. If you can put on a fake smile for 60 seconds and still be pissed off, you deserve to be pissed off, but most of the time you'll eventually be like "smiling feels good, i'm gonna keep smiling"

Best of luck, feel better, you have friends here

 

Ouch! Dude, I'm so sorry! (*hug*)

Agree with others, talk to your boyfriend so he knows what's going on and can keep an eye on you. Maybe talk to your parents if it comes to that (I seem to recall they are supportive of you, yes?).

Please don't resort to cutting. You're physically harming yourself as a result of stress when you do that and that's simply not good. If you must do something beat up a pillow or a couch cushion. Or scream into it. Please don't hit a wall or something else that will only harm you when you hit it.

If you start feeling this again, try to tell yourself this isn't normal, that it isn't you, that there's a problem and you shouldn't act on your feelings. Don't know if it will work, but try.

If push comes to shove can you call your therapist and be seen on an emergency basis? If they aren't available, maybe you can come here and ask for one of the staff to talk to you. Or the folks here of course, but we aren't trained or experienced in this necessarily. But any port in a storm if the alternative is cutting or otherwise hurting yourself.

Hang in there,

Todd (*hug*)(*hug*)

 

please please dont cut again yeah? i did think a lot about cutting and even suicide (never ended up resorting to them though), but the way i stop myself from actually doing it, is to think about the economical issue from it. bizarre, i know. but i put it this way. if i cut myself, and i cut too deep, then i would be rushed to the hospital. if i survived and stay alive, i still need to be in the hospital and maybe even have a therapist. now that would be hella expensive and i cannot burden anyone close to me with that. not to mention the mental issue. and if i died, still my parents would have to pay the hospital bills, and then organise funeral and prayer sessions and that would be expensive too. that pretty much stopped me from doing anything suicidal or even starting to cut.
i dont know if this helps, but hopefully you will be happy again

 

I get the same feeling, especially at night, but I no longer carve into my body because it makes it visible, and people won't hire you, etc.

I just drag a key up my arm and rub ice on it when I feel those urges. The self-hate comes from years of harassment, getting kicked and spat on for being a homo (yeah, like wtf/e right?). It's put a lot of things into perspective for me, and as far as i'm concerned, these feelings to cut are just a part of that 'condition'.

If you feel like you need to address something, I suggest you do it. That way you can understand why you feel that way, and trust me, it makes it a whole-hell of a lot easier to deal with.

 

Don't ever cut yourself! The side effects of cutting are horrible, e.g, scarring, hospital trips, depression, and many more. I don't know what made you all depressed and all, but you definitely need to see a therapist about this - and you already are doing that, good job! I hope that you can find why you did this, and I hope that you can never have to deal with cutting again, as it is terrible for you. If you ever feel this way again, please call the suicide hotline or talk to more people on EC, as this is a serious issue. I hope you get better.