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Turned on by girls but feel icky afterwards... what's that about??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Precious Venus, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. Precious Venus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Adelaide, South Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hi All,
    So obviously, if I'm posting in this forum, I'm having a bit of a sexuality crisis. Ok, not a bit... a lot.

    I'm female and ever since I was a little girl, I've been attracted to women. I actually used to make my barbies marry other barbies (I don't think Ken minded)! In my teens I had a few lesbian encounters, but they were with friends and friends I wasn't particularly attracted to at that, so needless to say they were disasters. I could do the kissing and the nudity but when it got to pussy-town, I just couldn't go there.

    Fast forward a few years and I'm now in my 30s. I've been with men for almost all of my adult life (a lot of men!) but my relationships always end up going bad. One reason is I don't want kids and another is that I can't enjoy sex with a man unless he's "new" (this usually lasts a few weeks) or there's some BDSM involved.

    I've been in a hetero relationship for almost 6 years now and the sex is completely gone. Instead, I fantasise about girls and I watch lesbian porn to get myself off. But here's the odd thing... as much as I love to think about girls and watch girls, after the event is over, the idea of me actually giving a girl head grosses me out. I just don't know if I could do it. By contrast, I'm not particularly fussed one way or another by men's bits... they don't turn me on, they don't gross me out.

    To add another layer to the confusion, I recently met a woman (my gym instructor) who I've become completely besotted with. I thought she was gay but it turns out, she's straight. Anyway, the point is, I can actually imagine being with her and the thought of it doesn't disgust me at all because she's so darn beautiful in every way. But, as I said, she's straight as an arrow, so it can never be. :tears:

    I figured all of the above must make me gay and started looking for alternatives to ease my heartache re: the amazing girl, but imagining being with any other women makes me feel icky and wrong.

    What on earth would you think this all means? Am I a lesbian in deep denial? A super confused bisexual? Or a straight girl who likes to watch lesbian porn and has a non-sexual crush on her trainer?? :help:
     
  2. Hmmm...your sexuality is unique to you, forget the labels. I can relate a lot to what you said about being attracted to women and esp the hetero sex with new guys. I love new sex, its addicting and one of the many reasons why my relationships didn't last. I'm also married to a man and my attraction to him comes and goes. Sex sucks at the moment and I also find myself thinking more about girls. But the sex with girls is just ugh. Even though I am kind of attracted (as in women turn me on) it just feels like I'm screwing a friend.

    I'm not sure what to make of my sexuality either. I have no advice, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone =)
     
  3. CuriousBunny

    Full Member

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    If you want someone else to give you a label, I'd have to say bisexual from what I've read. You're the only one who can truly know, though, so don't rush as you explore your sexuality.