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Looking for advice on porn use.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dya, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. Dya

    Dya
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    Hi,

    I'm 24 and been going through somewhat of a crisis of late regarding my sexuality, just hoping people on here might relate or be able offer some insight into whether I'm going through a similar process or not at all.

    Basically I've been a 'straight' male all my life, and been actively interested in females all my life too. However, since about the age of 12 I've frequently used internet pornography to masturbate too and this has gone right across the spectrum, including gay porn. I never thought much of it, I like to think I'm fairly liberal minded, I realise this means I'm probably not 100% straight but it's not changed my day-to-day life and I've never been interested in men on the street, bars or anything romantically or sexually. Just lately I've begun to question myself almost daily and it's become almost a depression issue. A relationship broke down with a girl I really cared about and I'm trying to find reasons. I've begun trying to actively 'check out' men and notice them in the street, but it just doesn't seem natural like it does with women and going out with them.

    It's a vicious cycle because I then try and force myself even more, telling myself it's just denial :dry: I still watch and enjoy gay porn occasionally, but I watch a wide variety including many other extreme (nothing illegal, don't worry but still not particularly pleasant) forms regularly and I think its affected my libido because I've struggled to get aroused without porn of late and when I fantasise without the internet I tend to just depict images from porn I've seen.

    I'm quite open to any outcomes, I don't fear being a homosexual but I feel as if I should have more natural attraction to men as whole and not just as an occasional porn. When I watch gay porn I tend to focus on anal without much focus on any other part...apologies for the gross out.
     
  2. MerBear

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    Porn BY far is the worst indication to determine your sexual orientation.
    If you're just exclusively attracted to men in real life, then i wouldn't say you are gay
     
  3. KyleD

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    I agree with MerBear.

     
  4. Chip

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    One of the problems with constant porn use is, as you've experienced, for some people, it tends to numb their arousal processes, and that, in turn, causes them to turn to more extreme or unusual porn to find stimulation.

    So this doesn't change one's sexual orientation, but it can cloud or confuse it, only to the extent that some sort of relatively novel stimulus is necessary to create arousal.

    For you, then, porn isn't really going to tell you much of anything useful, nor is it likely to have any meaningful effect on your real-world experiences (other than perhaps to numb you somewhat.)

    You'll get a better picture looking at where your attractions lie when *not* watching porn. And I'd also strongly suggest spending some masturbation time without porn, and perhaps, giving up porn entirely for 3 or 4 months. Your first masturbation sessions without porn -- assuming you constantly use it -- will likely be boring, but use this time to work on developing your own fantasies in your mind's eye. Don't rely on things you've seen watching porn; create your own visions, think about girls or guys you like and could imagine yourself with, and see which create the stronger fantasies and arousal for you.

    That is much more likely to give you a reliable indicator of your orientation than trying to make sense of the porn, given what you've described.
     
  5. Dya

    Dya
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    Thank you for your replies. Definitely going to give it up, I've tried before and always failed, makes you feel so pathetic.

    Hopefully it will clear up things and allow to get on with leading a healthy sexual-romantic life.
     
  6. maracont

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    You know, I rely heavily on porn too, all kinds, but when I try to mastrubate without it, all it does is make it better
     
  7. Dya

    Dya
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    This isn't going well, it's become almost an obsession within my mind now and making me quite miserable. It's like I'm obsessed with sexuality now, I walk down the street and test myself by checking out everybody, it would hilarious if it wasn't so frustrating.

    I was seeing a lovely girl before, but I've had to kill it off because I'm too preoccupied to do anything sexual, if anything I don't want to think or be sexual at all for a few weeks. I stopped looking at porn for over a month, but recently went back, I think that's why I feel so bad. The constant questioning is ruining my life when I should be happy, I still feel as if my natural inclination is to women but maybe I'm in denial?

    I wish I could be inside the mind of a confident gay man and a confident hetero man for just a day and see which was closer to me. I used to be quite self-confident and assured but this is breaking me up.