18 years ive never questioned my sexuality to the point of obsession. These past 2 years are nothing short of obsession. I jumped into a relationship with a girl to re prove my straightness but It made it worse. I was testing myself every sexual encounter n was having rather a ocd attack about it. From what I know you could be gay and have ocd where you cant stop questioning. In person I just don't feel gay. Sure I fear others can smell it on me. But I just don't feel drawn to guys. In my mind though I like to suck Dick now. But in person I get a little grossed out. I've participated in heavy porn use, fantasing while I masturbate about 3-5 times a day for 8 years. I can now get off to having sex, consentual with a 6 year old of any gender. I jacked off to see if I could do it to that n I liked it! But it does bother me and its not something I would act out on. I used to not be like this, I just feel like something has literally changed, although over time. In person I'm just jealous I don't have my dream girl but everyone's doin there thang
Are you saying you like the idea of sex with a 6 year old? Or is that supposed to be some other number, like 16? As you likely, hopefully know, sex definitely can't be consensual with children who are 6. Please clarify and we can help you from there.
No, I don't like he idea or approve. I'm saying when I'm alone I imagine bits n pieces of it usually. Only done this a few times throughout a few years. But its never just that usually ill switch from straight sex, to gay sex, to like three other freaky things with sex. Recently Like I tried it out as a fantasy when nothing else was working n I liked it however i dont think I would like it in person. This all stemmed from thinking a girl that was young was cute. N then I think am I a pedophile. So I feel like a pedophile sometimes. I've thought that maybe in 15 years she'll be marriage material although I never really banked on it. It was sort of just a in moment thought. But it did bother me, so I have little wars with myself over whether I'm a pedophile or not when I'm around young girls sometimes. Not as worried as not being straight anymore tho. Id say im severely depressed with intense anxiety, a masturbation and porn addiction, as well as a marijuana addict. I fell in love with my first and have become severally depressed over her for a long time. Sometimes I feel like im not over her. She passes my mind everyday or once every couple. If she's brought up with whoever friends my blood starts to pump immensely.
It sound like you're sort of conditioning yourself with porn, combined with obsessing over whether or not you are gay. I would suggest stopping the weed and the porn and working on just letting fantasies develop naturally. Try not to have them just be replays of porn you've seen. Maybe find something else to do with your time for a while and reduce the amount of masturbation you are engaging in until your mind sort of 'detoxes'. Right now it honestly sounds like you have so much going on that it would be very hard to get a read on your orientation. Although based on what you've written and similar posts I've seen here, I don't get much sense you are gay. Hope this helps, Todd
