I'm questioning. In my 40s, never married and no kids. I have dated women over the years, with two or three serious relationships. I have had the occasional "guy crush" over the years, but we were always taught that any kind of homosexual thought is evil and so on. I don't believe that and never really have. In recent years, I've dated sporadically but nothing anywhere near serious. I've found a lot of guys attractive and thought what it would be like to be with one of them, or even just to go on a date with a guy. In recent months, I've thought about it more and more. Sorry to ramble, but that's my story.
Hi, welcome to EC. Reading your post, I'm afraid it's not entirely clear if your just introducing yourself or asking one or more questions. Just on general principles, you might want to check out the LGBT Later in Life sub forum, which has many members who have been/are in a similar situation to your own. You're also welcome to explore the various sub forums and take part in any conversations that grab your interest. If you have specific questions about things, it's probably better to post them in the sub forum that seems to come closest to the subject area you want to discuss and to be as direct and clear as possible about what you are asking about so people know how to respond. Hope this helps, Todd
I'm wondering if I am gay, which is why I'm here. How do you really know? And if I am, what are the next steps? I've looked at the LGBT Later in Life forum, too. Thanks so much.
As far as really knowing, that can be a revelation or it can be a process. Do you find guys attractive? How do you feel about the idea of sex with a guy or possibly having a relationship with a guy? Have you tried fantasizing about being with a guy while masturbating? If not, maybe try that. If so, how did that work for you? You mentioned not really having issues with this from a religious standpoint, but is that totally a non-issue or something you still struggle with a bit? I know you've touched on some of these in your initial post, but just want to get a sense of where you really feel you are ATM. Are you questioning your sexuality or more curious about what being with a guy would be like or something else? In terms of 'knowing', for me it was a matter of looking at the available evidence (never felt any attraction to women, had by that point hooked up with a couple guys, the second guy, I was the one who initiated things). For my partner it was a matter of finding sex with women very much a let down (Really? That's it?) and finding sex with a guy to be vastly more satisfying and fulfilling. For others it will be a different experience. As far as next steps, talking to folks here is a good one. You could also see what support groups, LGBT community centers, or Meetup groups might be in your area. These could provide resources for meeting other people, general support, and possibly lead to meeting a guy who you would be comfortable experimenting with. On a final note, and just because this seems to come up a lot for guys who are new to all this: Being into guys does not mean that you need to start dressing or acting differently. Being yourself and being comfortable in yourself is the best thing you can do,whether your idea of a fun day involves shopping and baking quiche or the shooting range and grilling steaks or whatever. Sex with a guy does not automatically mean anal sex. Some guys love anal, some guys don't like it at all, and some don't care much either way. Sex (gay or straight) is like a buffet and there are lots of possible activities to choose from when the time comes. Hope this helps, Todd:smilewave
Todd, Thank you so much. You've given me a lot to think about. The religious thing is something I struggle with a little, because I hear what others say, even though I do not agree. As for questioning my sexuality or being more curious, the answer is both. I have no plans to change who I am. I have always loved shopping and cooking.
Always happy to help Re the religion thing, some denominations are more LGBT friendly than others. The Unitarians and the Episcopalians have a reputation in this area, although it might vary by congregation. If this issue is bothering you, you might arrange to talk to a priest or counselor or whatever the correct person would be to get an alternative interpretation of scripture from what you appear to be hearing now. Re questioning or curiosity, the resources I mentioned should help you there. Re cooking and shopping: Cool! Everybody, Xmas dinner is at Dave's house this year Seriously dude, you sound like you're off to a good start on this. If you ever need to talk, folks here are happy to listen and offer thoughts. If you want to talk directly, just post something to my wall and I'll see it and respond. Best, Todd
Well, maybe one thing is changing. I am less reluctant to buy brighter colors when I'm out shopping. Not sure if that is related to this. And yes, I have fantasized about guys when masturbating. Felt pretty damn good.
The colors thing could be related to your questioning since if you are starting to question 'conventional' norms about how you 'should' act sexually, that may spill over into less concern with what colors you 'should' like. Or, it could just be that as you get older you pretty much don't care as much what others think on general principles ( this has come up as a topic here recently). Congrats on having fun with the mastubation thing As far as next steps in that area I'm going to assume you've also checked out porn? It only makes up about 80% of the Internet after all :lol: Beyond that there is the more social side of things, which the resources I mentioned earlier can help with. To some degree, it is also a question of what you feel comfortable with at this stage (basically, are you thinking that a visit to a bar or the like is in your near future or dont feel ready for that yet, or something else?). And of course, if you have any questions on pretty much any subject, feel free to ask em. Todd
From what i can tell there is no real answer as to how to determine your sexuality. there is always the Kinsley scale but even that cant decide for you. when i took the kinsley scale i got a 2 but now i associate myself as pan too which the kinsley test does not have as an option. Just remember to be proud no matter who you are.
