I'm back to being a total mess. My family recently found out that I think that I'm a lesbian and have not been taking it too well. It was an accident that they found out, my mom accidentally got into my emails and saw this internet journal thing I'd been keeping. Anyway, my dad wants me to try to "pray the gay away" and tells me that I won't have a happy ending with this, my mom just keeps crying, and my brother is telling me that I basically have two choices when it comes to being "happy" and also being in line with the church: live alone forever and just have really close friendships with girls or find a guy and have love "grow" from it. I feel so lost right now. I had come so far, I was feeling pride in who I was and now I feel ashamed. I'm starting to wonder if they're right and I just haven't met the right guy yet. But I think about the future and waking up next to a guy every day for the rest of my life just doesn't seem appealing. But what if I find some guy that does work? What if this was just a long phase that seemed so right but was actually wrong? I was feeling so certain that I wanted a girlfriend and now every time I try to think about it I feel guilty and like it's just wrong. I'm in the process of finding a counselor in my area to talk to so I'm hoping that will help since I can't talk to any of my friends in person for support. I still have about 6 more weeks until I'm back at school and can get away from all of this. I just don't know what else to do anymore.
Give yourself time, howmwill you know what you are? Easy, at some time you will fall in love with either a man or a woman, if you find someone you consider " the one" dont worry so much about wether its a woman or a man, instead just go thought the right process. ( falling inlove--> dating-testing the person to see if that persons is really " the one"--> relationship--> stronger relationship/marriage/commitment/moving together etc). Find support with friends and supportive family members if there are any, wait till you are financialy independent before making official your coming out thought, it wouldnt be healthy to live with an intolerant family who judges you, so you might need to be able to have your own house /apartment. Be patient but also firm and strong, dont feel forced to be with a guy , only be wit a guy if you really loves him, if he really fullfills you. Your family might get disappointed if you turn out to be lesbian but if you are a lesbian and marry a guy to please them you will fail, you will please them to some extent but you will suffer for living a lie, you will suffer for not being with the person you love, your husband will suffer to some amount as he is going to perceive your unhappiness instead of having a happy wife, so it will hurt both of you, ultimately it will also hurt your family to see you unhappy. So , dont marry anyone just to please your family. Discover yourself, search for the right person not matter with gender is that person. By the way, have you ever felt attraction for s man, even if a little bit, if not, its unlikely that you are straight, cause ok... Sometimes it might take a while for you to fall in love, both before that happens you will feel attraction to someone of that gender, if you have felt attraction to women many times but never even felt a bit of attractiontoward men, you are probably lesbian. Whatever you do, follow heart and dont lose your mind. By the way... I see this thread is from spme months ago, how have everything been? What have you found out, what happened with you and your family?
I actually just posted this morning. But to clarify, I am definitely attracted to girls more than guys at this point. (I've had a few posts about all of this before) I currently have a very large crush on a girl so if I'm being honest with myself I'm pretty sure that I'm a lesbian but there's just something holding me back from actually 100% accepting it. I was feeling very sure about all of this but seeing the pain that I'm inflicting on my family is too much to handle. Every time we "talk about it" my brain gets all fuzzy and I start to doubt myself. I can't even think of how to respond to them. I know that getting married to a guy would just hurt everyone if that's not what I want but I just couldn't say it to my brother. I can never figure out what to say. But when I'm by myself everything seems so clear. Thank you for responding to my post by the way, I feel extremely alone right now. At school everything is great, I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful support system of friends but this summer has been unbearable. I only have one friend here that I can talk to but I rarely see her.
I'm really tired right now so, sorry if you've already answered this question but...how long have you been attracted to women? Have you hidden it from your family all this time? Like....what sorts of things made you think you're a lesbian? When I'm not being 100% honest with myself, I used to think, I just envy them. A lot. I mean, girls are naturally attractive, right? Checking them out is "normal" or so my friends say all the time.
Oops, what i interpreted as "the post date" was your join date (feb 2013)... If talking about it is a problem then dont talk about it for a while, and if its one of them with comes up with talking about it, tell it that at the moment is better not to talk about it as you need time to meditate about it first to think clear. If im interpretating your current situation right, you might be bad situation in short term, but in long term you situation might even be good, of course with a lot of fighting and obstacles and being strong along the way. By this point you probably know is never going to be easy, but there is much hope. Its great that you have a support network, but never comform with that, every time you see a chance of growing your network support do it, focusing of course in adding good close friends (you dont want to add toxic people) tempt luck by going to activities/workshops/extracurricular classes etc, so you tempt your luck in meeting friends. With the friends you have embrace them, find opportunities to hang out with them, call them, talk or chat thought skype. Turn your friends in sort of a family,never lose contact, dont be lazy with your friendships. In top of all that dedicate time to grow yourself, become better every day, become emotionally stronger, if you have any friend that is wise ask him many question k consult him, read good self help books (avoiding the cheesy ones ), watch inspiring movies/documentals. To sum all up: calmly but constantly make your insides better while getting help from the outside sources(friends, books, movies...) and always find new outside sources. Hope this is of any help :goodluck: ... Oh by the way,if you dont mind, give me feedback on how everything goes as day pass by. If you feel lonely, i'm someone you can talk to ^.^
I think I found women attractive for even longer than I realize, I just never let myself think too much about it. Looking back to my childhood, I think I had little crushes on other girls that I didn't think were crushes at the time. I thought the wanting to be around certain girls because they were attractive was just normal and that I wanted to be like them. It's only been the past several months that I've finally allowed myself to explore my feelings and I've been remembering more things from my past as well. I remember when my friends and I went to see Pitch Perfect this year (this was even before I was REALLY getting into all of this) and I saw the main actress for the first time (Anna Kendrick) and I literally thought to myself, "Oh sh*t." But i immediately pushed it out and focused on the guy instead. This also happened with Les Mis, I was hopelessly attracted to whoever was playing Eponine and I tried to focus on the guy instead, but I knew that I was really looking at her. I told myself that I just wanted to be them but now that I've become more secure with this I understand that it's more than that. Sorry this is long, if you want my full story you can look at some of my original posts on this site ---------- Post added 10th Jul 2013 at 04:04 AM ---------- Thank you so much for all of your help! I have been keeping in touch with my friends as best as I can and I have also been hoping to expand my support network this coming year. I have been starting to feel better the past few days, my one friend keeps telling me that I'm brave and strong and that just really helped me a lot. So now, every day I remind myself of it. I will definitely give you updates! Thank you so much again for everything! (*hug*)
To Straight ally, it won't let me send you a private message but I just wanted to update you quickly: I had my very first appointment with a counselor in my area today and it went very well! She was very supportive and much better than the one I talked to at college. My family hasn't discussed anything since our last "conversations" so it's just sort of back to being a little awkward. Hopefully we can get some things settled before I go back to school. Thanks again for helping me with this and if you don't want any random updates just let me know, I don't want to bother you
I dont mind im all ears (well, im all eyes to be more precise *badumzz*) Good that you have a counselor and friends! ... Use this "being a little awkard time" to gain strengt and preparation, maybe you can imagine yourself having one of those conversations, rehearsing what you would say if they said____ or _____ etc. To send private messages you need to become full member and for that you need to fill this form Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out - Regular Member to Full Member request ... But before filling it you need to at least public 50 posts, right now you only have 19.. Thanks for the update. :icon_bigg
