Hello people. I have some questions for you. I am very confused right now. I though I have found the answer, but now I more confused than ever. A few months ago, I realized I was bisexual. I have been questionning myself for months when I fell in love with a female friend. I since call myself bisexual because, if I could like a guy et now a girl, it's mean I am bi, no ? It's what I thought. This guy before was just a little crush. But her, I really loved her. But she was with someone else, so I had to repress my feeling and forget them. It was hard, since I was madly in love with her, and I saw her everyday at school. Now it's over, I don't feel the same about her now. But I recall how I really loved her, how I missed her when I couldn't see her, even if it was just for a day, how I wanted to hug her, to touch her. During my teen age, I wasn't really interested in love and all that stuff, I just found that complicated and I didn't want to be involve in such a complicated thing. I wasn't attracted to anybody. I even thought for a second that I could be asexual ! She proved me wrong. I was really attracted to her. Now, like I said, I'm over that. I am now with a guy. He's really nice, I like him a lot. We have so much things in commun, I'm juste happy being with him. But the thing is, I have some... doubts. Am I attracted to him ? I don't know... I have never felt attracted to anybody before her, it's just something I'm not used to, and I don't know if I'm really attracted to him. If I'm not, whats that means ? Am I really bisexual ? Or lesbian ? But I love him, so I couldn't be lesbian, right ? I recall the feeling I had for her. There were so strong. Stronger than the feeling I have for him right now. I was so afraid, when I realized I had to let go of my feeling for her, and forget her, I was afraid that I could never love someone else like I loved her. And now, it's true. I remember missing her even if it has been only a day. My boyfriend study in another city, I saw him 1-2 times a month, and I miss him, but not as much as I used to miss her. I remember wanting to touch her, to hug her, my heart would beat faster when she was near or touching me. With my boyfriend, it's different. I don't have the need to touch him or hug him. I do it because it's just good to be in his arms. But my heart doesn't go wild when I touch him like it was with her. He tried to kiss me one time. I have never kissed anyone before (it's my first boyfriend, I should have tell before). I was curious about it, and a little afraid. It was... strange. I don't really liked the kiss. I'm not used to kiss people. I'm not even used to touch people ! I don't really like to touch other people, or hug them, in fact, I really don't like when someone touch me. So it's new for me to be able to be in his arms. So kissing... It's just strange. I don't know if it's because I don't like kissing or if it's because I'm not attracted to him... I don't know what to think anymore. I have recently learned about emotionnal attraction and sexual attraction. I always thought there were the same thing, but no. So. Am I lesbian ? Am I biromantic homosexual ? Am I just confused and afraid ? I don't know. I just feel bad now because I don't want to lie to him, but I don't know what to say to him. Help me ? PS : Sorry if my english is not always good, I'm french : S
I cant'really give you any advice, being so confused myself but i just wanted to say welcome to EC to another french girl. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
Salut Tokumei, et bienvenue à EC! This is a very common theme and certainly one I understand and have experienced, having been married for almost 20 years. The way that many people discover their sexuality is in the difference (vive la difference!) in the way they feel with someone of the same sex vs. the opposite sex. It gets complicated because there is also a factor of arousal (sexual feelings) when there is an emotional attachment, regardless of gender. So, for me, it was a tender trap: I had an emotional attachment to my wife, which, to a certain extent, permitted sexual feelings. But when I eventually experienced relationships with members of the same sex, it was as you yourself describe: intense, whole-hearted and unequivocally stronger than any feelings I have had for my wife, ever. The work you need to do, with our support, is to discover how you really feel, to measure and compare as best you can the relative strength of these feelings and then to be completely honest with yourself and explore the possibility that you may indeed be gay. Simple no? (kidding)
Happy to see other french people here ^^ The problem is, I have only felt that for one girl. I had a little crush on a guy before like I said, and now I'm with a guy. Here's stop my "experience" with love. I don't know if I will fell such strong feelings for other girls, or if it was just her. I don't know if my feeling for him will get stronger, or if I will meet another guy for who my feeling will be stronger. I don't know ! I don't even know if I'm really attracted to men. I don't know if I'm really attracted to women. Like I said, I have only felt attracted to her. I don't know how to solve that : / It's just a big mess in my head right now. I also have to say, even if I'm okay with being bisexual, I don't really want to be gay. It would just complicated things with my family. They don't even know I'm questionning my sexuality ! Bisexual seem more easy to take, because I can finish my life with a man, what I think my parents would prefer. I think it's why I didn't want to question myself in the first time. But now, the questions are here, and I don't know how to find an answer. I talked about that with a friend. She told me not to think too much about that (I tend to do that a lot, and I get really anxious : S). She said I could try to kiss my boyfriend again, see what happens. Maybe it felt strange because it was my first kiss ?
Re-bonjour! It has happened here too that a same-sex relationship develops, but only with one person (check out the posts by Rarareva) he too is wondering if he is gay or straight and, to tell the truth, it doesn't matter... Your second paragraph above says it all, and was the reason I kept myself in limbo for so many years. You have to answer a basic question, will you let others decide what your orientation is or will you accept whatever happens as you discover yourself, regardless of the outcome, and regardless of what others think? This is the essence of this website: do you have the courage to be who you are, despite how you feel about it (for the time being anyway)? So many of us, upon discovering that we are less than straight, were not happy to discover this about ourselves; coming to terms is essentially a grieving process that goes through several stages, ultimately leading to acceptance; and acceptance of the consequences. The good news is that it has never been easier to come to terms with this. It's entirely possible that your first kiss with a boy was strange because it was your first time. However, I would not recommend experimenting with people just to find out, this would be extremely unfair to your partners and there are other ways to find out. Check out the resources this site has to offer. Again, it's all about how strongly you feel for someone.
Thanks for your advice, I will go check the resources. I know it's not fair to experiment with someone. I don't want to do that. But I'm just so lost. I don't know how to find the answers. And I don't know what to say to my boyfriend...
While reading threads on the forum, I came across this word. Demisexual. I was curious, so I read about that and I think it suits me pretty well. Like I said, for a time, I thought I was asexual because I had never feel attraction towards anyone. I realised I was wrong when I met her because I was really attracted to her. But I felt attractaction only after falling for her. So, I think I might be demisexual. No, in fact, I'm pretty sure about that. It just complicated things when it comes to finding if I'm really attracted to guys... : /
Today, I talked with my bestfriend. He really helped me a lot. I'm still not sure if I'm really gay, there's still some doubts, but I feel less lost and less anxious about all that. He talk to me about a group in our city, a group where people meet, talk about everything, a group where people can just be themselve. I'm not sure yet if I want to meet, but I will think about it. I will also talk to my boyfriend. I have to talk to him. I have to be honest with him. I'm still afraid that I will hurt him, but it will hurt much more if I stay with him.
