1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Questioning or Something Like That

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SarcasticSW, Jul 10, 2013.

  1. SarcasticSW

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi All,

    This is a little awkward for me because I haven't really tried anything like this before. Anyways, I am 29 year old female and recently I started questioning my sexuality. I say recently because I had always kind of ignored the way I felt before, and pushed everything aside as well maybe I haven't met the right guy. But anyways, I have been exclusively heterosexual throughout my life, I have only dated or slept with men and I guess it has always felt wrong, if that even makes sense. I never have felt an emotional connection with a man, it's always just kind of been going through the motions. But ever since I can remember I have been drawn to women, I have had what I now come to recognize as crushes on other women in the past and have also been very jealous of attention my close friends have paid their boyfriends. I guess that's where the confusion sets in, I believe I am sexually attracted to woman as well but I don't really know how to determine this. But I guess my question is, can I know that I am a lesbian just by my attraction to woman even without ever having experimented with a woman?

    Also, I am having quite a bit of trouble with coming to terms with all of this and learning how to accept myself. I guess I am kind of looking for advice on how to accept myself and be happy. I was raised pretty conservative and still have many conservative family members and friends and seeing as I am older, I have a fear that this will not be taken seriously by my family members or my friends. But I know a major part of that is learning to accept myself. So if anyone has any advice on self-acceptance that would be great as well.
     
  2. LD579

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2013
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Canada
    Just by reading other threads and posts, you'll be able to find situations and things that resonate with you. From there you can find some answers and understanding for yourself. I encourage you to do so.

    To answer your question, it's definitely possible to know you prefer something without having 'tried' it. I've never even hugged a guy in a romantic way and yet I know I dig guys a lot... and then some.

    Acceptance comes with time, both for yourself and for others. There's not much to say besides that, and so I apologize. Just know that there's nothing wrong with being gay and that in that aspect you're fine the way you are =)
     
  3. FractiousJ

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2013
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Here's my experience in case it helps you...

    I was 30 and had only ever been with guys and then I suddenly started thinking maybe I was gay. I always knew I looked the part but the "sexual attraction" I found confusing because I'd never really looked at girls that way.

    I wasnt sure what to do about it because i wasnt *sure* i was gay and i didnt want to act on it and then find out i was wrong.

    Eventually I decided to just go with gay, not to come out to people I knew but go to gay bars and talk to people, presenting myself to strangers as a lesbian.
    I wound up meeting a cute girl at the first bar I went to and we hit it off. After making out with her I was pretty damn sure and after the second girl (weeks apart, don't judge) now I'm positive :slight_smile:

    So of course there are people who know without experimenting and there are also those of us who need to play around a little first.
     
  4. SarcasticSW

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thank you and I feel like I have a pretty good idea that I am not straight but am really struggling with just saying that out loud to myself and it's nice to hear that someone else knows what they were attracted to without "trying" it. I just don't really know what steps to take from here.