This thread was going to be called something else but while I was making arguments for why I can never fully accept myself, I realized what it was really about.:eek: I've been through this so many times, yet I could never understand what my problem was with self acceptance. Other than what it would mean, which is being okay with my body and liking other women's bodies as well, and that I can't always control who I have feelings for. In reality, it might be about something else. It's not that I want to hate myself forever or that I'm afraid of rejection. I'd have to accept myself first to be comfortable with being attracted to women but if I did that, it would mean I'd be happy with who I am but then I'd feel guilty because I'm not flawless and people would point all of my flaws out to me. It's not exactly rejection I'm scared of...I think it's probably more like being told I'm not as good, worthy, nice, etc. as I think. That has actually happened to me before, at the same time as the bullying about me being a lesbian was going on. It wasn't justified (I don't think it was), but it still achieved what I guess it was supposed to. After that I started acting more withdrawn. At the beginning I was only pretending to be miserable but then I started to actually believe that I was overly confident and gay and everything else they said I was. So now I'm thinking, would it really be arrogant of me to be comfortable with who I am despite having numerous flaws and not being good at everything? I'm afraid of people knowing I'm not perfect, or not as perfect as I'd like to believe. I don't even know what I'm trying to say or ask. This is so difficult to say or even to think about...I've literally just realized all of this. That my fear is not from being gay or liking myself. Or at least that's not what's keeping me from accepting it. I don't want people to say I'm a waste, a failure or not something I know I am, or that something I'm not. I don't want to be told that I don't deserve what I think I deserve or...that I'm not worthy of someone's attention (even as a friend)...I don't want to be told lies I guess and things that I know are not true about me..? I'm sorry for my rambling. I'm not even sure what I'm talking about.:rolle: Do you have any advice, or anything to add? Please?:icon_sad:
Nobody's perfect but it doesn't me that you don't have the right to feel good about your self, or even confident on the contrary.
Why do you need to be perfect? I feel so much better about myself when I accept that I'm a flawed being, like everyone else, but that I am making efforts to improve myself. Being aware of one's flaws is a virtue, as long they don't bring you down. Also, being attracted to the same sex is not a flaw, and you shouldn't feel it is just because some people view it as such. If there's one thing I learned in life, everyone has detractors. It's impossible to have everyone like you and view you as flawless. There will be always be people that want to bring you down and dislike you for their own reasons.
I don't know.:icon_sad: It's not like my family thinks or wants me to be perfect...I guess I don't want to have any flaws to be picked on but by this I achieve the exact opposite because everyone knows that no one's perfect and if they notice that you try to be, they'll know how to make you feel even more inadequate... I don't think of it as a flaw but if I accept myself the way I am, people will try to find something wrong with me anyway. I'll try to work on it though, now that I know what it is that's really holding me back but I already know it's not going to be easy...nothing ever is.:icon_sad:
It will be a lot easier if you let yourself be happy. Like I said, there will always be something that people will use to try to bring you down. Even if you somehow were able to conform yourself to your own greatest ideal, you'd be completely disappointed if you let what others think change your self esteem. If someone doesn't like you, they'll find something else to pick apart. There's always something they can find to try to hurt you. Self-confidence is knowing those people don't matter and that you love yourself.
Unfortunately, I don't have any self-confidence left after years of bullying.:icon_sad: Today I started reading these pages on wikihow about how to accept yourself and to develop self-esteem. It's bad when I have to learn that from the internet.:icon_redf:lol: But now at least I know why I was reluctant to accept myself in the first place... It's so discouraging to know that it will take probably years until I can even start to accept myself.:icon_sad: I'd like to wake up tomorrow and be okay with eveything. Why can't I? After all I know what's the problem and how to solve it, yet I can't...? It's already taken me years (9-10) to come to this point where I can admit to myself I'm gay... It's very disappointing.:rolle:
It may not take years. It can take one day at a time of saying "I don't give a shit what others think." I was bullied a bit when I was younger but I turned it around real quickly and gained a lot of self esteem. Just spend time with those who love you and appreciate you for who you are, and know that you appreciate yourself too. Sometimes it takes an internet page or too to let you know you're not alone.
EC has helped me so much! Everyone is so nice here. I was trying to chat to people from the country that I am from the other day but it didn't go quite as well as I hoped. I did get to talk to a few nice women, but that forum wasn't nearly as.. busy or accepting as this one. :icon_sad: It was my fault though for getting my hopes up, but still... It's amazing to talk to people, just anyone who's going through or has been through this, but talking about being gay, etc. would be very different and a lot more real in my native language.:rolle: Don't get me wrong, I love EC and I'm very grateful for all the support I'm constantly getting from various members but English is not my first language so in a way it can never have the same effect on me. What I mean is, if the conversation happened in my first language, I could not distance myself from it either emotionally or physically like I sometimes do with English because these words don't have as much of an effect on me as the words I've heard since I was born. And I think I need to talk about it in my own language as well, for it to properly sink in and not lie (at least) to myself about all these things I've been trying to avoid thinking about. But I don't even know where to start. How would I go about it when I can't even say it aloud to myself because I'm scared of hearing it?:icon_sad:
I'm in the same situation as you. It's only in the last few weeks i've realised I might not be straight, and some days I think 'its great to be different' but most days I get home feeling like a piece of poo. Especially when I hear 'thats so gay' or 'fucking homos' every day. Sorry I didnt have any advice, but im young and just wanted to communicate with someone in the same situation. You're not alone
Nobody is flawless. Not even people who have overcome coming out and being happy with themselves. There are always aspects of ourselves that we are not going to be happy with or want to improve. Find that peace within yourself, we are all walking down the same path
Most people here are nice, but I've seen some pretty aggressive posts comprised of arrogance. What it seems like via online ego problems. My gay cousin is like that, it bothers the shit out of me, I'm gay but I don't walk around like I know it all because I'm gay. Which I've seen displayed here. Most people though here are very helpful and understanding.
Thanks! I hope everything works out for you. You're not alone either. (*hug*) ---------- Post added 19th Jul 2013 at 08:04 AM ---------- (*hug*) Sometimes though it feels like everyone except me is very close to perfection, especially my crush.:rolle: I'd just like to hug everyone who commented. Thank you! (&&&)
