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Confused as to whether I am gay or straight (or maybe even bi)??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Glasta9109, Jul 13, 2013.

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  1. Glasta9109

    Glasta9109
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    I'm a 20 year old male. Basically I'm unsure at the moment as to whether I am gay or straight or whatever.

    Only recently have I started questioning my sexuality... Even though my thoughts and behavior were the same before.

    Most porn I watch and have watched is 2 men. Also, I panic when women try it on with me - I'm at uni and even though one girl basically dragged me back to hers to get her to sleep with me, I frantically made excuses to avoid having to be intimate with her. I just wasn't interested. I allowed myself to be conscious of my sexuality after one of my closest guy mates (who we are sure is gay, though he isn't out) and I cuddled up, and I realised I found it really arousing, and although I hate to say it, i wanted more. Now I don't know what to do.

    I mean, some days I feel sure I'm gay and should just come out and not worry about what my family would think. And friends. Other says, like today, I notice a couple of attractive women, and feel like maybe I'm not gay, even if I am always checking out lads, too. And when I think of it, I would not really want to sleep with x woman, even though I've done stuff before and managed to stay hard (though never come if this means anything??)

    Then I end up thinkinf: but what about that family life, the skiing holidays, the mainstream life I've always wanted. Then I get scared, as I've been for the past 7 or 6 years, and wipe the whole issue under the carpet.

    What do you all think? Any help, comments or whatever will be appreciated!
     
    #1 Glasta9109, Jul 13, 2013
  2. Glasta9109

    Glasta9109
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    Basically I'm unsure of whether I'm gay, straight or something in between.

    I've always brushed any gay feelings under the floor. Despite 90 percent of the porn I watch being gay, I would always find ways to make myself believe that I'm not gay. I'm 20, and have been as I have since I was 13 odd, just always denied any gay feelings.

    I've done stuff with girls, but none of it has been satisfying really. In fact, I've been known to avoid sexual stuff like the plague - I'm at uni and an attractive girl took me home (literally, she was keen) but I managed to make a load of excuses and run cos I really didn't want to do it. A woman has never managed to make me come, either.

    What made me realise these feelings exist? Basically after a night out me and one of my best mates at uni (who we are sure is gay but he isn't out) cuddled up for a good while, stroking each others hair and generally being cosy. It was here I realised I was aroused, by a man, and I would have wanted to go further. I didn't, but given the chance I'd have been tempted.

    But I sometimes feel I'm definitely gay and should come out. Then the next day I'll find myself being attracted to girls (although still not really wanting to sleep with them - I seem to find it much easier to masturbate to gay fantasises than straight ones.

    What do you all think? I'm so confused and really unsure of what to do.
     
    #2 Glasta9109, Jul 13, 2013
  3. Pain

    Pain Guest

    Welcome to EC! And allow me to apologize for there being no response for hours.

    You're questioning, and that's normal. It's quite ok, too. The only questions you can really ask yourself to progress are "Do I find the same sex attractive?" and "Do I find that same sex attractive romantically, sexually, or both?"

    It sounds to me like you've certainly been attracted to and aroused by men, though you can appreciate some women's beauty, which I take as "Not straight," at least.

    i don't fully understand what you mean by "family life;" do you mean the future of having a family, or seeing your current family and how they would deal with it? Because, I'll let you know, what family thinks is irrelevant when you're coming to terms with your own sexuality; This is your attraction, no matter what they think. It's a part of who you are, and, for many, it directly correlates to personal happiness. Almost, in a way, be selfish with this; figuring it out is important.

    With that, I think, it's important for you to try to begin thinking, "If I am gay, then it's ok. If I'm not, it's ok."

    Good luck!
     
    #3 Pain, Jul 13, 2013
  4. unknown17050

    unknown17050
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    ^ This.
     
    #4 unknown17050, Jul 13, 2013
  5. solitudeisbliss

    solitudeisbliss
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    Only come out when you are totally comfortable and don't be afraid to change your label if it feels necessary- because your identity is yours and yours alone. No one can tell you what you are- so I wouldn't want to do that. But ask yourself: do you find men sexually attractive? are you romantically interested in men? do you find women sexually attractive? do you want relationships with women. do you find other genders sexually and romantically attractive? When you can answer these questions you might come closer to finidng your identity. You could also try experimenting with people of different genders (if you feel comfortable to) Good luck.
     
    #5 solitudeisbliss, Jul 14, 2013
  6. Glasta9109

    Glasta9109
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    Thanks for your advice guys, it's appreciated.

    I always want to think that I would like a long term girlfriend... But whenever I get a possible opportunity I run away as (I think) I don't want it as I wouldn't be fully in to it. Maybe I'm just scared? But I've done stuff with girls before, so I don't think that's the case.

    I think experimenting could be a good thing to do, though who with? What are your experiences of how you determined your sexuality, if you went through similar feelings to what I said?

    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Glasta9109, Jul 14, 2013
  7. Pain

    Pain Guest

    I, personally, always knew that I was attracted to men. Though, family had put me off until I was 16 and I realized I was gay. Since 7th grade, though, I began to look up porn, and it was always gay. I always used religion as my reason why I shouldn't be gay, but porn became dull to me. I began seeking out sources online and learning that gay was no different from straight. So I liked guys--no big deal, right? That's what I began to think, and I wanted to learn about why gay is no different. It brought me here.

    Whatever you are, it's fine, and you're among a supportive group.
     
    #7 Pain, Jul 14, 2013
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