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My Story

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bitheway13, Jul 14, 2013.

  1. bitheway13

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    3
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    Location:
    Southern U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This is my first post, although I have been reading here off and on for a month or so. Basically, I'm a male in my late 30s who had a first same sex dating/sexual experience last year.

    I think I knew most of my life that I was bisexual because I always felt a slight attraction to other males. But I felt I mostly preferred females and it was also easier socially for me to live as a heterosexual, so I never really explored same sex relationships.

    In a weird coincidence, some non-gay friends invited me about two years ago to visit a local gay bar. I found myself overly excited to go. I wound up staying at the bar after my friends had gone home (strange story I know) and becoming friends with two gay men at the bar.

    To make a long story short, I kept in contact as just friends. But the reason the two men had originally talked to me is that one of them was interested. After knowing one of the men for a full year as just a friend (though knowing he was interested in me), we had a very brief relationship which I actually ended because I was too busy with work and just did not have time to devote to seeing him every weekend. He was a nice guy and I think he was disappointed because he was actually looking for a serious relationship.

    After that, I decided I would be open minded about dating men also. However, I think I was very naive. I thought that dating men would be much less complicated than dating women. In fact, it seems much more complicated in many ways -- what I had experienced with meeting that guy so easily was a rare thing.

    I find (just in my contact with the local gay community) that I feel rushed to define myself. Am I a top or a bottom or versatile? A bear or a body builder? And on and on. I also find that most gay men I meet were always gay... they have had very different life experiences than me. Most have never dated women, so we have very different experiences.

    I also find (no offense intended) that typical gay men are more attracted to male bodies than I am. I am more attracted to a good personality... a guy I can have a conversation with and enjoy spending time with. The sex to me is just a way to be closer to a guy I like... if that makes sense.

    I have also found that realizing I am bisexual complicates my life with women. I have gone back to some of my old spots where I would meet women, yet I feel somehow different when I am there. I've gone on a few dates with women and a few dates with men. I somehow feel disconnected in a way now from both pure heterosexuals and pure homosexuals, because I am neither. I am some weird thing called a bisexual and it's hard to relate 100% to non-bisexuals.

    I used to feel more at home in the heterosexual community. But I now feel like I'm hiding something when I'm there or not really being my authentic self. I also never know whether I should tell women I am bisexual (guys don't seem to care). I would of course tell women before we became intimate... but do I have to tell them on the first date?

    Basically, I am just looking to meet a nice person to date. I don't really care about whether they are a man or a woman. I'm not even sure I really have a strong preference either way any more. It's a cliche to say, but I am more interested in the person than their gender.

    I just wondered if anyone could recommend any books, websites, etc. for bisexuals that might offer advice. Or tips for navigating the gay community as a bisexual. Surely I can't be the ONLY man who is not some specific "gay type" -- just an average guy who is open to dating other men.

    I feel like I have learned something about myself and there is really no going back. I always knew I was not 100% heterosexual, but I think I never had the courage to look at it until now. Now that I am getting older, maybe it is just easier to accept myself.

    When I look back, I think there were some DEFINITE signs that I was not 100% heterosexual. Although only a few of my close friends know, I seriously doubt anyone who knew me would be totally shocked to find out I was bisexual. I was never into typically "hetero male things". I always liked a lot of art and music and stuff that I find gay males are much more into.

    I apologize if anyone feels I am engaging in stereotypes here, because I realize that all people are individuals. The point I am trying to make it's not like nothing was ever pointing in this direction... I even had a few people in the past ask me privately if I were gay just based on my interests. That said, I do truly like females. Maybe more as friends (if I'm being 100% honest), but I am sexually attracted to females also. I think I preferred gay sex though.
     
  2. memyself

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2013
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Michigan
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I think the only time it matters to worry if you're being a stereotype is if you're not being your authentic self. It sounds like you are just being yourself and that's great. People engage in stereotypes all the time is every aspect of life. We are humans, we tend to fall into patterns. True uniqueness within personality categorization is pretty rare. Don't worry about being a stereotype, just be you. And it sounds like you're already doing that :slight_smile:

    I know what you mean feeling different from the people around you. I'm gay and I don't know any other gay people. And there's not many gays in the town I live in. I feel very different from everyone else. I kind of feel like some sort of outcast. No one disowns me or has any problem with me being gay, but being the only gay person makes me feel so isolated. I just need to find a boyfriend. I've had a boyfriend before. For me, when I'm dating someone, all these isolation feelings just disappear.
     
  3. bitheway13

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southern U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks for the reply, memyself.

    Yeah, I guess I'm still learning who I am. When I go out, I feel the need to have a very clear identity formed. But I haven't really been "out" enough to know yet what that is. So I will just keep learning.

    I am a little disappointed with the amount of resources for bisexual people. I can't seem to find many. But I will keep looking.