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Have got to clear my mind

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by DanJames, Jul 14, 2013.

  1. DanJames

    Regular Member

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    This is my first post on here so bare with me if I'm not completely straightforward in what I have to say. I've been visiting hell quite a lot these past few months and its stirred feelings within me that I didn't really knew I had. I just want to start by saying I don't see sexual identity as being a bad thing but I do see this as a big thing. My immediate family and close friends would support me whatever I chose to identify as so it really isn't an issue.

    Everything was pretty straightforward and going well, I had a good relationship (with a girl) and everything was also going well with my studies too at college/university. Was really really enjoying my life. Now I have to admit that whilst I have never had sexual thoughts about a specific guy before (I can't even say I fancy male pin ups and celebrities) I have watched gay porn and been aroused and got off on it (also watched straight porn too.)

    Basically it starts to get complicated here, my best friend spent the night with a mutual friend, although I don't really get on with her all too well. After he spent the night I told him of my disapproval, mainly because I don't approve of her as a person, but I guess also it was selfish reasons such as jealousy and kind of stirred up feelings, but she has told me she has never had a problem with anyone like she does with me before so at the time that was the main reason. After that conversation it was a pretty emotional week as he then felt torn between progressing further or staying friends with me. We both cried a lot, and lots of things were spoke about and we both told each other that we loved each other but laughed it off with (not in a gay way) or (no homo) and it culminated in him saying he chose to be my friend instead, but I rejected that and said I had been selfish and he should really go for this (still with my girlfriend all through this) despite this, this week had brought us closer than I could ever be with anyone.

    Time has progressed and I guess now they've grown a lot closer, nobody hardly sees either of them anymore and it is like my best friend now doesn't have time for me, every time I think he could be with her I will not talk to him until I know she has gone as I don't trust her to not speak ill of me to him and turn him against me, but in all of this I still get that sinking feeling or pangs of jealousy, so I guess my question is can you be romantically in love with someone without being completely sexually in love with that person? Because I have come to terms with the fact that I do love him and its not like you love a brother (otherwise why would I be jealous) There has been times when I've thought about making out but I can't say I could picture doing much else (in an ideal world) and obviously I do understand hes straight and I don't want to "turn him gay" I'm just hoping one of you guys can help me come to terms with what I'm thinking and feeling right now, as well as potentially advise me how I can move on from the situation and feel better about it. I've not spoke to him about these feelings as I don't want to jeopardize anything in my friendship group or with my girlfriend.

    Sorry for the essay, thank you if you are still reading! Appreciate real advice, even if it seems harsh I would rather be told to get my act together than it will all be happy ever after! Thank you.
     
  2. Brakmek

    Brakmek Guest

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    Sounds to me like you've got a real, true friend who loves and cares for you, as you do for him. These people are so rare in life, hold on to them.

    Anyway, are you sure it's jealousy your feeling, or just a bad feeling about his new friend? If you truly aren't sexually attracted to him, I think you just are looking out for him, deep inside. It could be that you don't want her to hurt him, so you are wary of what will happen. Generally I think he's a friend that you truly love and respect, and want to watch his back. This new person is unfamiliar, so you may be cautious and afraid of her hurting your friend.(*hug*)

    If he is a true friend that you love, you would want to protect him as best you can. It's really great you have a true friend who loves you as much as you love him. As for your girlfriend, I would think your relationship won't be affected by this, as long as she knows (as well as your friends gf, though don't be super straight forward with her, like:tantrum: "Hey girl don't hurt my bro or I'll kill you!":tantrum:slight_smile: that he is someone you love and will help him along. Could also just be "third wheel syndrome." Hope I helped!

    Sincerely,
    Brakmek