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Could I actually be asexual rather than a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by yellowsun, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. yellowsun

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    I am a very confused 21 year old. I have never been attracted to men. So for years I have assumed that must mean I am a lesbian. I am out to everyone as being a lesbian and everybody has been very accepting of it. I've even had people tell me they knew. I really admire a few female celebrities as well as some women I know in real life. I had thought that I was attracted to those women, but I honestly do not think I am for a few reasons. 1. The thought of doing anything sexual with any woman grosses me out especially knowing what two women do in bed together. I cannot imagine ever doing those things with a woman. 2. I have zero interest in breasts. If I think of breasts as just a woman's body part, I do not have any issues. I just think "Okay, breasts are just a body part. Nothing gross about them." However, if I think of breasts in a sexual way, I get really grossed out. I just cannot imagine myself kissing women let alone doing anything sexual with them. I also have zero interest in men romantically or sexually.

    The thought of people thinking I am attracted to women or men makes me feel very uncomfortable because I do not feel like being lesbian, bisexual, or heterosexual are my true identity. I feel like maybe being asexual is how I really am. I have expressed sexual and romantic desires before, but they all seem forced just so I can fit in since we live in a society where being asexual is considered weird. I know I really shouldn't care what society thinks, but it's hard not to sometimes. I have come out as asexual, then came back out as being a lesbian, back to being asexual, and so on. Now I feel like everyone thinks I am a lesbian and there is no going back to the way things were before I came out. From now on when I mention being asexual, everyone will probably just think I am a lesbian in denial or haven't found the right person yet. Of course I'm not totally sure that I am asexual, but it sure seems like I am.

    What do you all think?
     
  2. Starling

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    Not an expert or anything, but it sounds like to me you may indeed be asexual, and that's certainly nothing to be ashamed about! In the end though its all about how you feel! Don't worry yourself so much with labels :wink:
     
  3. Byron

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    Sounds like you're asexual to me. I wouldn't worry about people thinking that your a lesbian. If anyone tries to get you to go on a date or meet up with somebody just tell them that you are not interested. I would still tell people that you are asexual when it is brought up, but otherwise I would just let it be.

    Just my 10 cents.
     
  4. lowkey

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    Maybe let life sort of flow, and if you come across someone interesting enough perhaps you can find an emotional connection, and develop some physical arousal, maybe a cuddle session would prepare you for sex. But then again this is all if you open yourself up enough to chances
     
  5. sguyc

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    I will say that it might be problematic to identify as not being attracted to anything because you might put yourself into a bit of a hole where you can't even recognize when you do have attraction because you are so sure that you don't feel those things. That being said, it seems like you are more comfortable identifying as asexual which is fine, I just think its wise to keep an open mind about these things. I am not telling you that you have to experiment a little, but I think it would a good idea! The worst that can happen is you don't like it. If the opportunity doesn't present itself, then that's ok to as long as you are fulfilled in life (which I think is a little different than being merely comfortable).
     
  6. Straight ally

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    Yes, it seems you are asexual... The question are you also aromantic, meaning not feeling love for otherpeople, not wanting to raise kids with another person, not wanting to spend all your life with something... I mean there are asexual people that arealso romantic, meaning they fall in love but never feel lust... With is your case?
     
  7. Taiko

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    You do sound asexual, but ultimately that is your choice of how you want to identify yourself.

    I like to think of it like this...imagine a man and a woman who never questioned their sexuality before and are in fact heteroromantic asexuals, but just default identify as straight. They fall in love with each other and have a lasting relationship, but since both aren't terribly interested in sex at all, there is no identification problem...to themselves, they are straight.

    Labels are labels. Who cares what other people think? :icon_wink If you identify as a lesbian but just aren't interested in anyone, that's fine. If you identify as an asexual, but then suddenly fall in love with someone, that's fine, too. Suppose you change your label...you figured out more about yourself, which justifies a possibility of change in self-identification. I'd hope that everyone, given more information about a situation, would reconsider their big choices. In the end, we just may make better choices.