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I'm very confused, please help

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Ricket, Jul 17, 2013.

  1. Ricket

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    I have a girlfriend, who I love to hang out with, but I don't feel very sexually attracted to her. She was the first girl I ever felt any sort of attraction for, but it just doesn't seem sexual. We have had sex a couple times, and it was ok, but she was the one who initiated it and I never fantasize about it when I'm not with her. When we first met, I thought I was gay because I had only had crushes on guys. Ever since I started dating her, there has been a part of me that doesn't want to be with her, and it's been a year and nine months almost and it's still there.
    The theory I came up with was that I might have thought I was in love with her because, when we first started dating, she was the only person beside my mom and sister who actually cared about me, and I kind of wanted to be straight. Is this a possible explanation for it? And if so, what should I do? I don't want to lose the connection I have with her, but I don't feel very sexually satisfied with her. Am I just being selfish?
     
  2. LD579

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    Consider these rhetorical questions, intended to provoke some reflection:

    -Are you sexually attracted to girls?
    -Are you sexually attracted to guys?
    -Could you see yourself building a future and family with a girl?
    -Could you see yourself building a future and family with a guy?

    These are good questions to start off with, and maybe you'll come to some better conclusion about yourself after going through some thought.

    To answer your questions in your post, you're not being selfish. What you've said could be a possible explanation. You could always still eventually be great friends with her if you two broke up. For now, I think you're doing the right thing by starting to explore these thoughts and feelings =)
     
  3. Ricket

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    After giving those questions some thought, I feel like I'm sexually attracted to guys, a little to girls, and I can't really see myself building a future with either, but maybe that's just cause I'm 16
     
  4. LD579

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    Fair enough, that makes a lot of sense. How about these two questions instead:

    -Do you find the idea of cuddling, kissing, and going on dates with guys to be appealing?
    -Do you find the idea of cuddling, kissing, and going on dates with girls to be appealing?

    Perhaps you might want to look into the Kinsey Scale. I personally don't really like it but I can see the value of it as a primary stepping stone. I wish the best for you =)
     
  5. Ricket

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    Thank u for your help :slight_smile: