When did you know your sexual orientation

Suspected 5th grade, pretty definite when I finished 8th grade.

 

That's an interesting and long story. I guess I should start at the beginning.

Now I never had a particular interest in men. Even as early as four years old, I remember having crushes on my older sister's friends. The first time I felt abnormal was shortly after kindergarten, before I even knew what being gay was. My sister asked me if there were any boys that I liked, and I answered "Dad" because I didn't understand the question. She then explained that she meant boys my age, and I kept insisting that I didn't like any of them, however, she didn't believe me.

I didn't actually learn about homosexuality until I was in third grade, and it didn't seem strange to me. In fact, I was intrigued by the idea that it was an option. I didn't think too much of my sexuality again until I was in the fifth grade. I was chasing these two girls that I had a crush on, and I remember I kept looking at their butts. I remember I stopped running for a second, and a thought popped in my head. "Maybe you are gay." I shook the thought out of my head instantly and went back to playing, but it planted a seed.

Middle School was a nightmare. My depression and anxiety started kicking in, and I was already being bullied for my appearance. Putting in developing girls and hormones into the mix made me a ticking time bomb, and the last thing I wanted to do was make myself any more different. There was this one girl I had a massive crush on, and even though I was obsessed with her, I convinced myself that I wanted to be her best friend, and that was it. However, all my friends ended up leaving me because I wasn't interested in dating, and I was prone to fits of rage. However, a new girl ended up coming into my life. She and I rode the bus home together, and she and I had a lot in common. One day, I was forced to confront my feelings for her. A boy on the bus stated that she was hot, and I started blushing. At that point, I admitted to myself that I might like girls. I think I came out as bisexual to my friends, but pretending to be bisexual was a brief fad in my middle school, so it went unnoticed.

In High School, things started looking up. I still was thinking that all I needed to do is find the right guy, and I would be fixed. However, I was still becoming infatuated with girls left and right. I was in marching band, and girls were very comfortable with grabbing each other. There was this one girl in particular that loved doing dirty things.

The night I finally confirmed I was gay was the closing night of our musical. Me and that one girl were just fooling around. She finally grabbed me close and told me, "let's make my boyfriend jealous". She then pretended to make out with me. She was dressed in a sexy little showgirl outfit, and her makeup accented her lips. She held me close and she moaned as she got closer to me. She rubbed my back and our lips were only about one centimeter away. Even though we never kissed, it sent chills up my spine. I walked away from her flustered and pushed the thought out of me head. However, when I got home I took a bath. At that point, I finally admitted I was fully a lesbian.


Sorry this is so long.

 

I lived straight as ever in highschool, I had no idea honestly. I was in love with my first for so long, n had so many female crushes and used to get very excited by females, but thats all changed, I find it easier to just go with the flow then trying to change myself back. I plan on goingto therapy to relieve some of my subconscious fear and hatred layed apon me towards females. lets just say I've forced a unfriendly perception of woman on me. Atleast that's how I feel! I've gone through traumatizing things with my mom and my ex for a long time, started in my early teens.

Now I'm 20, I'm in the process of accepting I'm gay. I envy straight people though, not because there living the life, idc about that, I just grew up watching things like Disney or the movie the notebook and the idea of being in love with a female sounds more appealing, and fantasyish. Its certainly Dreamy to be with a girl. When I see an amazingly beautiful blonde I just wish my Dick would respond because visually I do recognize beauty and ugliness in a female.

 

I suspected when I was 14 and realized i'm attracted to girls when I was 16 years old.
btw, if you have only emotional feelings toward girls, so you can still define yourself as gay. gay biromantic, but still gay

 

I didn't start questioning my sexuality until I was about 16 years old. Before that I had no inkling of liking the same sex. I didn't like the opposite sex much either though. For a while I thought that I was either 1) too picky 2) late bloomer 3) asexual. Since I was in middle school I kept telling myself "There has to be at least ONE guy you want to date!" I did have 2 crushes before that were on guys but the feelings weren't really strong, I just liked their attention and being around them. When I got a crush on a girl it was a whole different story. I could not function if I wasn't thinking about her. My feelings for her were so strong I couldn't stand it, I hadn't felt that way for anyone, ever. I wanted to do things with her (and to her if you know what I mean haha).

I went through some bouts of denial, and still go through them now, sometimes telling myself "You're not gay, you can't be." But I know that I totally am. I have no desire to date, kiss, or have sex with a man. But I do want all that and more with a woman. I can only see myself with another woman. I didn't come to that conclusion until I joined this site last year.


When I joined a lot of people told me not to label myself so fast, I just went with 'not straight' because I knew there was no way in hell I was straight. I did a test someone on here suggested: Pick one day were you just focus on the opposite sex. Only thinking about/looking at the opposite sex. Then the next day, focus only on the same sex. Lol when I tried that test I had to force myself to not look at girls when I wasn't supposed to. And thats when I knew! I also understand that this might not help everyone, I still just wanted to suggest it.

You are still really young, so try not to let figuring out your sexuality stress you out too much Even though that's easier said than done..

 

My story's kind of complicated:

First and foremost, I knew that being gay meant you had feelings for members of the same sex, but I did not realize that sexual attraction was a part of it. Furthermore, I did not realize that feeling sexually attracted to members of the same sex was possible. I honestly thought that a gay man would still feel sexually attracted to women and a lesbian would feel sexually attracted to men.

So, with that being said, I grew up my entire life expecting and anticipating that day when I would find myself attracted to women. But instead I started feeling attracted to men when I was 11. However, because I didn't realize that sexual attraction towards members of the same sex was possible, I didn't realize that this attraction to men was what I was waiting for the entire time. I honestly thought that it was just curiosity that would go away eventually and I was still waiting for and anticipating that day when I would find myself attracted to women. And the thought that I might be gay? It never crossed my mind. I thought that the chances of being gay were so small that I basically didn't have to worry about it.

When I was 14, however, one of my friends said something that made me realize these feelings I was having for men were the same feelings I was waiting for all along. At first I was confused and I didn't understand why I was attracted to men and not women, but after sitting down, thinking about it, and connecting all the dots, I realized that these feelings I had for men made me gay.

 

First realized I liked guys at 14, thought I was bi then, and realized I'm completely gay at 18.

 

I only discovered it this year (and I'm 32). Beforehand, I tried dating men, but never got past the first date with any. I found the 'process' of dating so forced. It always made me anxious and I always felt like I was putting on an act, always trying to make myself look attractive as possible - and for what? I never felt comfortable around men, except in work situations, and never had any male friends outside of work (the ones I did have were all gay).

It wasn't until I saw this photo in a magazine of a semi-famous Australian comedian (who's a butch lesbian herself) that I started feeling attraction on a whole different level. Attraction that I'd never felt for men previously (even celebrities). Her photo made my heart skip, and my breath catch - and since then I found myself checking out women as they'd walk by.

Now I feel as though I've 'come home' as they say - and I don't have to feel uncomfortable anymore :icon_bigg

(ps. Even Neil Finn <----- doesn't do it for me anymore! Bah!)