I don't know where to start really, I'm 19 years old and I'm a hairdresser. I think I am sexually confused because sometimes I am only interested in women and sometimes I am only interested in men. If I have the day off or week off I may masturbate 3-4 times a day depending on how aroused I feel, nearly all of the time when I masturbate I watch pornography and depending on how I feel it may be straight porn, gay porn, bondage or shemale porn. If I am going through a stage when I am liking men after I masturbate I lose interest in men and don't look at them in a sexual or partner way. That feeling just goes. I have had sex with 4 different girls from when I was 16-19 years old and when I just turned 18 a guy came onto me at a party I did sexual foreplay and also went all the way, it was very uncomfortable and I didn't enjoy it. The guy moaned at me and hurt me because I was "to tight" that whole sexual experience only lasted probably about 15-20 minutes but ever since then I have been scared to try it again with a guy, but it has kind of left me wanting more which I think is very very weird. My best friend is gay and sometimes I really would love to try a sexual experience with him but I don't really know how to ask him or how to try it on with him and I also don't want to ruin our friendship. When I am interested in men I think about lots and lots of sexual things about them, I also think about being in a relationship with them and moving in together etc. I also love the idea of just a male orgy which I don't understand. As a hairdresser I can come across very confident but most of the time I'm not as confident as I make out, I have an athletic style body so I'm quite toned but have a little bit of a belly and my penis is average size I think... I am very conscious of my body and my penis, I get very embarrassed yet aroused when being naked. I often fantasise about having a man straddling me from behind but also a woman sat on my face (not at the same time, at different times), I also fantasise about sometimes cross dressing but am in no way camp or completely outgoing like you see some gay or bi sexual people. I speak like a normal 19 year old lad and do normal things like a 19 year old lad. I am very sexually orientated and am often thinking of different sexual things. I am not violent or psychotic I do not think about hurting people or doing anything dangerous. I have been 'googling' a lot to see what I am whether it be straight, bisexual, gay, curious, weird or just completely insane and it's taken a lot of guts to write this and ask for help but I feel I need it. I don't think I will have any problem accepting who and what I am I just need advice on what to do and what to say with things. Like I said I intend on sleeping with more girls and more guys but how I go about things and what that makes me who I am I do not know. Feel free to ask me any questions to help you help me, Thank you so so much.
Well, first of all, welcome to EC. For what it's worth, you just sound like a sexual person who likes guys and girls. Do you want a relationship with a girl? You said you think about moving in with a guy and having a relationship with one... In terms of sexual orientation, you could, for now, call yourself bisexual, if labels are so important. They're really not that important, though. They're kind of overrated. They have their place, and I think they can be quite helpful, but for many they just are too restrictive, if that makes sense. I would recommend that you don't do anything towards your friend just yet. If you want to experiment sexually, there are other things you could do with other people without risking losing a friendship. If you do so, make sure to 'play safe'.
Hi there, Welcome to EC :smilewave Given how you describe your attractions bouncing around, my first thought is that you might be bi (but would prefer a bi person to weigh in on this since not my area of expertise as it were) and 19yrs old, which means a high sex drive. My second thought is perhaps you should consider not worrying about labels and just go with what feels good at the time. If you must have a label, maybe just go for 'not straight'? Regarding some of your specific points: a) It's unfortunate your first time with a guy was uncomfortable :/ A first anal experience really needs to be taken slow, easy, in a comfortable and relaxed setting and with lots of lube on hand. And lots of communication so everyone can adjust, slow down, stop for a bit, etc. etc. I also have rather strong feelings that when it comes to any form of sex, a more experienced guy has an obligation to make sure a first timer has as good a time as possible, but that's another subject. Anyway, I would suggest that you make sure that your next attempt at anal be much more along the lines of what I describe above and that the guy you do it with needs to be onboard with the above as well. With practice, you can get to the point where you can relax the relevant bits pretty much at will, but first you need the practice. Assuming you like anal enough to want it that is. Which brings up the final part of this: Not all gay guys like anal. While I would definitely suggest giving it another chance or three, with someone who will want to make sure you are having fun and of course playing safe at all times, if you ultimately decide you aren't into it, that's perfectly fine b) Being gay doesn't require you to behave or talk in any particular manner. There are gay guys who are very camp or stereotypical and there are gay guys who can give your average Marine a run for his money in the macho dept (some of them are Marines actually ). Be yourself and talk and behave in whatever manner feels natural for you. At the same time, be respectful and nice to other LGBT people who may be different from you in various ways. We are a diverse bunch and you may find that some of your best and most loyal friends behave very differently from you. c) I wouldn't recommend messing around with your friend. Friends with Benefits requires a very particular type of mindset to work and its easy to mess things up when one person develops feelings for the other or it starts feeling weird or something. Not necessarily the sort of minefield you want to navigate while still being pretty new at this. He could be someone you could talk to though. d) If you want to try a male orgy and get the opportunity, go for it. I've had housemates who did them from time to time and seemed to find them great fun. Just be sure to always practice safe sex, no exceptions. If the theme of the orgy is barebacking, politely excuse yourself and go see a movie or something. Really, you'll regret it later if you stay. e) What you do in your fantasies (or how much of your fantasies you bring into the real world) is really your own business. As long as you are safe and aren't hurting anyone, then have fun. f) Proper diet and exercise may help with your body issues. You don't need to live at the gym, but eating right and a workout or three a week are probably good advice for almost anyone. Hope this helps, Todd
Hello! I'm a woman but I hope that I can be able to help you in some way. I don't think you should worried about your first time on anal sex. For what you said I understood that you were not really well prepared by your partner for the experience. I never had anal sex because I have never felt the desired to do so (just don't attracts me at all) but I had loose my virginity and I think that the pain could be somewhat familiar. I have friends who have had anal sex and said that they didn't like their first time but that after that things become better and pleasurable. Others who did this ended up didn't liking it at all. I think that you have to experiment a bit to really know if you like it or not. Usually the first times in everything were not really good. Also you may find that you prefer to do the penetration instead of be the bottom. And if it comes to be the case it's ok. I think you really have to do it to find out. About the other issues I think that maybe it's not a good idea to make things with your friend because more often than not "friends with benefits" don't end up well (friendship ruined, one of the partners heart, etc). In relation to the rest it seems to me that you feel sexual attraction to both genders but I think that you must question yourself with who had you fall in love, who had you had crushes. I think this is very important because I will tell you my dilemma. I feel sexual attraction to both genders but I never had fallen in love with a man, never even slightly liked one. I can do things with a man and felt a certain level of pleasure but always something is amiss. It's is always pure physical like "empty the balls" because I was needy. On the contrary with a female it is different, fell more genuine, more connected, more profound, I can't really explain well. I think you should think in all the issues carefully and explore. If you fell inclined can you give me your opinion on my own struggle to define my truly sexuality? My post is http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...identity-support/101659-bisexual-lesbian.html
