1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Am I gay or is this just a phase

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by DinoWine, Jul 20, 2013.

  1. DinoWine

    DinoWine New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi all I am new to empty closets and need some support and advice, I know you have probably seen loads of these posts before but I really need some support

    Ok so I think I am gay , I watch gay porn, I think some guys are cute and I love a few stereotypical 'gay' things (thearte,musicals,cheesy pop) now I know these things alone can't really confirm I'm definetly gay but they are I suppose some quite big hints that I might be. I also in year 6, primary school (before college or hight school for those not in the uk) kissed a boy and we said we was going out but because I was very some about 10 I thought this was just a silly phase and that it was nothing to 'worry' about. After this I did go out with a few girls but never really saw them and never kissed them, obviously I was still young so I didn't really care. My last 'girlfriend' was in year 7 (first year of high school) after this I went out with no one girl or boy. At this time I was pretty sure I was straight I looked at girls and watched straight porn and was pretty happy that I was straight. Although I did think about being gay a couple of times and before I discovered straight porn I did masturbate over pictures of naked men but also was hard on myself that I did. Ok so second year of high school I still think about being gay sometimes but then just forget about it and think I must be straight because I watch straight porn!. In the present day I now think some boys are cute and get the urge to put my hand on their back, I seriously don't know why. A couple of months ago I started watching gay porn and actually enjoy it and now I feel I can never go back to straight porn because I tried a bit but I just thought this is so boring! This was happening at the same time as exams so I became very stressed and anxious. I think I am gay after all of this but don't think I can accept it and I don't know how my family and friends are going to respond to it. If you have read all of this then I thank you and if you could i would like some advice and guidance and if this is happened to know what was the end result (also I did this on my phone so may be a few spelling mistakes) :help:
     
  2. Ricket

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2013
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas
    Gender:
    Male
    First off, welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
    It sounds to me like you are probably gay. If you have never had the desire to be with any girls, but you are having crushes on guys, you are most likely gay. It would definitely be easier for you to accept yourself if you tried to find a boy you could legitimately go out with, this would also help you see if its just a hoax or if your feelings are real. But, based on this post alone, I'd say you are pretty much gay. Hope this helps :slight_smile:
     
  3. DinoWine

    DinoWine New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thanks for responding to this thread I was thinking that nobody would, I suppose I'm just going to have to accept who I am and if I do go out with a boy at least then I can truly decide whether it is the fact I'm gay, to honest I kinda wish I'm definetly gay but it's just the whole coming out thing that scares me I'm sure my family will be supportive and accept it but I really don't have a clue about my friends! I think I need to take my time on finding my sexual orientation because the last thing I want is to suddenly change my mind later on life. Thanks for support.
     
  4. LionsAndShadows

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2005
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Various bits of Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    My advise is to think about how you feel emotionally rather than sexually. Clearly you find guys sexually attractive, but what about emotionally? If you imagine yourself in a supportive, loving, caring and yes romantic relationship, would you prefer that to be with a boy or a girl?
     
  5. DinoWine

    DinoWine New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's really weird some days I am sure I'm gay and then others its not like I rather be with a girl it's just whether that would be more easier but not feel right. I suppose I can imagine myself with a guy more than a girl. I am only 15 so not going to rush deciding :slight_smile:
     
  6. Kamina

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2013
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Good idea about not rushing, I know how anxiety can screw with your brain but from your post I would say you are gay or maybe bi leaning gay if you still sometimes like girls. But seeing as you have never had an emotional or sexual connection to one I would think gay. That's just me however, I and no one else can decipher your feelings for you.

    I can tell you in my experience I definitally found girls more sexually attractive than guys but at first I could only see myself long term with a guy. Chalk it up to internalized homophobia or a heterosexist mind set that I have been indoctrinated with but as I have become more comfortable with and more familiar with my sexuality I am able to see myself quite easily with a girl. I still get worried if maybe I'm just making it up in my head, quite often actually, but like you I'm not rushing to tell the world and make a decision yet. If I decide later I am straight then cool good for me if not I'm going to have pretty much the same reaction.

    And now that the serious is out of the way...
    :welcome: to EC!! We love responding to these posts! :lol:
     
    #6 Kamina, Jul 21, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2013
  7. Gleeko0

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2011
    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yep! No need for rushing.

    When I was still a bit confused about myself I adopted a "neutral" policy where I wouldn't call myself either gay or straight, and then just be myself... because I think thats what matters the most in the end!

    Turned out that I'm pretty gay anyways.. xD


    If you ever need to, coming out to friends is a delicate thing, you may want to sort everything out within yourself before taking a step further.




    ~~Best regards! Don't hesitate in making more posts!
     
  8. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm inclined to agree with most of the others... when you have the stereotypical patterns *and* you find guys attractive... that's pretty much a slam dunk that you're gay.

    Likely as you become more comfortable with the idea you're gay, you'll also find that your attractions will grow stronger. Our conscious and unconscious minds mess with each other and can make it complicated to figure out what's going on, but in your case, I think you've already got a pretty good idea.

    As to whether or not what you're describing could be a "phase"... I've never seen someone have a gay "phase" where they have the strong attraction to guys and then see it suddenly, magically go away. I think the whole "it's a phase" idea started out as some parent's wishful thinking :slight_smile:
     
  9. Randy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2012
    Messages:
    3,784
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Based on solely what you posted, I would say you're a 3 or higher on the Kinsey scale. I remember I was (kind of) in the exact same position you are right now so I decided to occupy my mind to not think about it. I did this and tried not to think about dating girls or guys for sometime. When I did this though, I was able to block off feeling towards girls but feelings about guys just managed to seep through the crevices. I did this because I dwelled on this so much that I couldn't be myself. I realized I was gay so I then created a closet for myself. Put myself in it, closed the door, locked it from the inside and put the key somewhere. Found the key years later and slowly (still in the process) of coming out. This was sooo much fun /sarcasm

    Coming out is a process and a fragile one at that. I would take a moment of self-reflection and examine your life with both genders thus far. When you're ready to come out, coming out to a certain person is up to you and you alone. Like you said, there is no rushing this. Who you want to, when you want to, and how you want to come out is ultimately up to you!!

    That being said good luck and I wish you well!! (*hug*) (*hug*)