I have come to the conclusion that my interest in women is clearly genuine, but now I question if my DISINTEREST in men is; as far as I am concerned I do not wish to have a relationship with one, I do not find the male form sexually attractive but then again that could be denial acting out on me; which is the problem. So I'm just going to ask this question once and for all because I want to know if I am not mistaken and simply confused. What is sexual attraction and how does it work? Because ever since I did question my sexuality; I began to wonder if it is not at all what I think it is....
If you get hard for someone naked, then you're sexually attracted to them. If you don't, you're not. I can't think of any other definition for someone male…
Which is the issue because on this site, I heard different things regarding genital responses and sexuality, because some have said that it does not necessarily mean sexual attraction.
The way I see it... arousal and attraction seem to go hand-in-hand, but are quite different. If we use heterosexual men, for example, many can get turned on sexually by many things... a lap dance, for instance. That's arousal. Sexual attraction is when you *want* someone, you want to pursue them, take them home, throw them on the bed, and sex them, again and again. I doubt every heterosexual man wants to bed each and every woman, even attractive woman, they come into contact with. They might be tempted to have a one night stand with said dancer, but that doesn't necessarily imply attraction. A bit one-dimensional, and if someone is in-denial, they probably won't be aware of these urges. What makes you think you feel anything for men in the first place? Arousal can be a symptom of sexual attraction, but rarely do you get sexual attraction without some type of arousal.
Well, like a few people, I was not a huge girl chaser throughout my years in school, I had countless crushes yes but never approached them (still question why I never did) and as a result of my seemingly disinterest towards women as most people saw, they would ask me and sometimes insult me as gay. I usually brushed off those insults and questions typically because I did not really seem to have interest in men, and usually did not give those said questions much thought. Until I started to question my sexuality for sure in May (I joined this site almost as quickly as searching through google to see if there was any information and comparable things in my stories as well as figure myself out for sure because when I questioned myself, I began to feel like I lost my knowledge of who I am, which is my greatest fear of all), those memories of them asking and insulting me came back and it added fuel to the fire so to speak, I heard many things regarding denial and actual attraction and no clear answer was ever given, I thought I brushed off said things in the past but now I wonder if I was actually subconsiously hiding my actual attraction because I did not want to be gay for some reason; which does not make sense, because my family does have some varying opinions on homosexuality (but overall are okay with it) and would be okay with me being gay if I was; I'm an atheist so religious issues is not the prime answer and I always did go out of the typical norms of society and can honestly say society needs to change or be destroyed so clearly society is not the reason I would be in denial, there are more questions than answers really is what I am trying to say. In fact; this would be the second time I questioned my sexuality to this extent since the beginning of May; which is basically the result of my questioning if my attraction towards men is somehow for some unknown as of yet reason is being mentally suppressed.
So far, nothing you've said screams "gay!" Instead, it sounds like you've let the opinions of others, combined with your lack of experience with women get to you and have worked yourself up over something not worth stressing over. Not everyone on EC is gay or bisexual, believe it or not, though I sometimes think there's a bit of a bias that might steer someone in that direction, either prematurely or inaccurately. Keep in mind that it takes some people a lifetime to discover where their true attractions are; sexuality is complex. If you have little experience with women, and less with men, it's going to be even tougher to gauge, though not impossible. If you're the type who needs first-hand experience, sure, it wouldn't help getting out there and experiencing what life has to offer, and not just sexually. For me, it involved seriously considering the possibility of being gay, and going through the stages of grieving and coming out, as questioning. Seriously, it's a personal journey, and you can't let others pressure you. This is your life, your decision, and if they don't like it, tough. Regardless, keep in mind 1) Sexuality is just one part of who you are. This is ultimately about self-acceptance. 2) There's no rush in deciding. You were fine before, you'll be fine now. Just like you have the option of giving your homework a break to take a nap, exercise, eat, or play games, you have the option of focusing on other aspects of life. 3) You'll have to be honest with yourself and learn to accept the doubts, the possibilities. No one is ever sure of everything, and this is no different. 4) Therapy and medication helped me, and if you have some anxiety disorder like me, it could also help, if you haven't already done so. I've been where you're at, and while I still don't have all the answers, have found relative peace. Don't expect miracles, but do expect revelations, growth, and freedom. Again, it's possible you're so deep in-denial that even you can't see it, but it's also possible you're worrying over something miniscule for the wrong reasons. Anything can happen, and I'd advise you to pay attention to fantasies, wandering eyes, crushes, and arousal habits. No agenda, just neutrality. Perhaps keep a journal?
I'd also advise some time away from EC... there seems to be somewhat of a fixation with labels on the site, only confusing the questioning even more..
I have been doing that everynow and again, mostly because I consider sites like these more credible and helpful and less sarcastic than sites like 4chan which are my typical places...
I agree, I feel like people go so heavily into labels, instead of letting life flow and there attraction to any person grow or be there more naturally. If you want a label you'll find it, but don't deny a connection with someone solely because you believe in your label more than what you might also be into
