I thought I was Bi, but what if I'm a lesbian? .-.

I've thought about this myself. It makes me question the whole genetics thing, and makes me think sexuality has a lot to do with nurture, chance, and perception.

I think I have a foul perception of women. Not always. It wasn't until after I broke up with my first real gf and after seeing all the terrible things my mom did I had an extremely unstable outlook on females. I spent years hating women, I wanted a women but I hated them, I think my body switched for me honestly. Who knows!

I still get anxiety when I think of women. Usually bad things pop up also when I'm reminded of women, like cheating, or slut, or liar, manipulative... Stuff like that

So I think I got issues myself with woman. I just feel like girls are so damn untrustworthy

 

Well if you're attracted to girls and the idea of being romantically involved with a guy repulses you, then you probably do fall somewhere on the lesbian spectrum! ;D

In my own experience, I had a negative outlook on males because of past, unwelcome experiences with them, which I think reenforced my attachment to girls (and made me suppress being bigender because I was worried I'd just end up being an asshole). However, I meet a few guys in high school who completely changed my view about males and one very special friend who made me realize I wasn't as 100% into women as I thought! x3

Your life experiences will influence your outlook on these sort of predicaments, but if for now you want to tell people you're lesbian because you can't see yourself with a guy, that's awesome!
And if later you find a guy you hit it off with, that's awesome!
If you find you end up not caring about what's in peoples pants (pansexuality baby!), that's awesome! xD

Hope this helps!

(Btw, just wanted to say that you're a very special type of person that unfortunately people don't see very often in humanity. I wish there were more people like you out there! (*hug*) )

 

So if I understand you well, you attractive to both men and women but you don't really want to be with men? this it exacly what I feel, and I define myself as bisexual homoromantic. I do find men and women physical attractive (women much more) but still I don't want to be with men at all because I'm homoromantic, which means that I'm not emotional attracted to men, only women.
I can't see myself with men because the emotional attraction is so important to me.. I can't be with someone only because he's hot

I remember when I was questioned myself. at first, like you, I though I was bisexual.
but it wasnt make sense to me because I don't have the desire to be with the opposite sex. then I though maybe I'm lesbian, but it wasn't completly true because I knew i'm attracted to guys. in the end I finally understood i'm bisexual homoromantic and I don't want to be with guys because I NEED the emotional connection.

 

Ultimately, I first identified as bisexual because part of me was in denial about being gay. I knew I liked girls, that was plainly obvious to me, but it was only when I looked into the relationship side of things that I realised I was gay.

I can appreciate a good-looking guy, we also notice when someone's attractive, but I can't see myself having anything more with a guy than just a glance as they pass by (of course, friendship is a completely different thing), and that realisation changed things for me. I can easily see myself in a relationship with a female, and in my mind, it would be so much nicer to be in a relationship with a guy than a girl. Clearly you find girls attractive, but I would recommend looking at the bigger picture.

Can you see yourself in a relationship with a guy?
Can you see yourself in a relationship with a girl?

Ultimately, I do think there is a difference in romantic and sexual attraction, and I classify my sexuality based on my romantic views more than my sexual views. I don't really differentiate between them personally, but my romantic/relationship views mean more to me. That might be what you are feeling.

I hope you figure yourself out. I remember when I was questioning, and it was a bitch (excuse my language). I'm now super happy with myself because I've realised who I really am, it just took me a few years. Never give up hope!

 

I am in a similar situation as the OP except that I am male. Recently I have come to realize that I am atleast bisexual, but something still nags at me: that I might be using bisexuality as another shield (I used to use HOCD) against admitting I may be gay. Something in your post caught my eye though:

Can you see yourself in a relationship with a guy?
Can you see yourself in a relationship with a girl?

How did you objectively answer these questions? As you can understand there are a lot of feelings and fears mixed in with answering these questions which would affect my answer. I appreciate any response, thanks.

 

I completely understand your hesitation to answer these, and it certainly isn't something that I answered in an evening. It actually took me a bit of time. There's honestly no way to answer them objectively. Your whole mindset on relationships is based on your thoughts and feelings, and they are actually the best indicator, even if they can be confusing for a while

Honestly, I'm a bit of a romantic, so I tried to imagine romantic scenes with both genders, like a picnic, snuggling in bed or a romantic dinner. This was perhaps the clearest thing for me. I have a particularly vivid imagination (I blame all the reading), so I kinda saw what I preferred. For example, I found I liked the idea of snuggling on the sofa reading with a girl far nicer than being with a guy.

If you're not a massive romantic like I am (It's a curse, I must admit), I would try pros and cons/what you like about each gender. If there are more domesticated ideas on your pros list, that may give you a good idea.

It took me a lot of time to work it out, mainly because society deems that I should be in a relationship with a guy, as it is the norm, and is seen everywhere. I wouldn't discount bisexuality though. Although I identify as a lesbian, I'm never 100% ruling out guys. I'm probably never going to hunt for a relationship with one, but there may be one feminine, bookaholic guy that changes my mind on things. I find it highly improbable, but it may happen. I don't know the future.

Just don't be afraid of time. Time is the best thing when figuring anything out, and being patient helps that. I know it's frustrating, I hated it when I was confused. But you just have to see light at the end of the tunnel, and experience and time are the best way to travel there.

Good luck with everything. Feel free to post on my wall if you want to chat more, or just reply to this thread of course. Hope things go well for you, and don't be scared of subjectivity! It's all your views on things.

 

At the end of the day, a label should be used because you feel comfortable using it/want to use it. It can make things easier when coming out/people understanding you, but ultimately you should only use labels for your own personal happiness. I personally found that I use a label because it makes me feel part of something, rather than just a random freak, so for me it's a sense of security. But I can see how it can be restricting.

Ultimately, you don't have to use a label. It's your own choice.

 

Good luck

 

Unfortunately, I don't have enough posts on the forum to post on your wall. Anyways, I understand that time is great I just wish I could resolve it faster since "nagging" is quite an understatement about this whole problem. I've just been feeling way less motivated and happy since the questioning started full force and it's constantly on my mind. I really do appreciate you taking time to respond to my questions though.

 

It is a tough time, I completely understand that. Just try taking a step back from it all. I remember when my 'quest for figuring out my sexuality' completely consumed me, just because I was constantly confused. But you have to remember that your sexuality is just a small part of you, and it certainly isn't the most important part of you.