I just cannot seem to stop questioning my sexuality. I mean there are days I feel "I cannot be gay, how can I stop liking Girls?" then other days; "Oh man, could I be gay?" At first I had read an article about homosexuality that made me question myself which sent in a WHOLE SLEW of thoughts, ranging from thoughts of gay sex (which did not involve me, but mostly people I know) to questions of my past, to questions of my emotional feelings towards past crushes on women, to finding out and research about it. It's like an obsession I cannot figure out. I don't know what it is, I don't seem aroused by Gay Porn, but I do towards Straight and Lesbian Porn; I am well aware of it being an inaccurate idea towards sexual orientation but I feel as if I am attracted to women AT LEAST emotionally, but; I wonder if my disinterest in men is repressed somehow, and nothing seems to give me an answer, it in part makes me wish I never read that article that started all of this. Anyways; can I get some help? Therapy is out of the question as well, so I need help.
After all this reading, and all this thinking, it may be time to rest and be quiet with yourself. It may be time to let your subconscious mind sort this out on its own and to cease wondering. Practitioners of Zen actually seek out this state of "stuckness" this silent stare in front of what seems like an insurmountable dilemma. Now, you need to be quiet with yourself so that you can hear that still, small voice that wants to say something to you, but can't for all the stormy thinking you are doing (and probably going around in circles). Ask others here when they knew for sure. It almost always dawns on them in a flash of revelation, at the most insignificant times, like riding a bus, or lying down to go to sleep. We just know, and in that moment, everything clicks into place, and you become what you are (one way or the other, or somewhere in-between).
I am really unsure of what to say in reply to that, it is rather confusing in it's own right. But maybe it is a sign saying I am not Bi because I do not understand?
Sorry for being so cryptic. I had to let go of certain beliefs I had about myself, that I simply was not with the right woman, etc. It's not "seeing is believing"; it's the other way around: you won't see it if you can't believe it beforehand. In order for me to see that I am gay, I had to cease believing that I was straight...
I think I see what you mean now... I don't think I am gay though... Bi; maybe, I never had crushes on any guys I met, but again, denial can do alot; from what I can tell on this site.
