Where do I begin? Well, I’m a 24 year old male, and a virgin. I’ve had a fair amount of girlfriends in the past, and have essentially done everything short of having sex with a woman; with men – I’ve never even touched, hugged, kissed a guy, etc. I’ve been confused for years, and probably started fantasizing about men when I was 16 years old or so; which means I’ve been confused and desperate for answers for roughly 8 years now; with my quest and urgency for answers growing each day. The only thing I know for certain is I do like being with women, I find them very attractive, and find a strong sexual and emotional draw towards them. When it comes to men, I’m not so sure I’ve ever found a man attractive, perhaps subconsciously? But again, I’m not sure. To be honest, it’s difficult to imagine even kissing a man for me, while that was always something that bothered me in the past, I feel that it would be easier for me to kiss a man now, but I’m still not sure if I could or not. While it may seem that I’m probably heterosexual from what I’ve just described, I truly don’t think that’s the case. I frequently (almost always now) find myself watching gay porn, almost a complete shift from a year or two ago when I never watched any. And I know for a fact that what I find attractive sexually are “twinks,” “emos,” and occasionally muscular men, and black men (I know TMI, but sometimes I just like to fantasize and imagine scenarios where it’s rough sex, that’s one of my biggest turn-ons). If I’m watching porn, on the occasions it’s not gay sex, it seems I’m always watching “femdom” porn wherein the women are using strap-ons to have anal sex with the man. I find that I’m submissive and would truly love a strong woman or man to “dominate” me, as I would categorize myself as a bottom and (pardon if this is offensive- I’m new to this- it’s my first post ever, and I don’t know if I’m crossing any boundaries) as a “bitch.” While I am a virgin, I have experimented a bit, and I bought a dildo, finding out that I absolutely love anal sex! It’s certainly one of the most intensely pleasurable experiences I’ve ever had in my life! Here’s a little bit more about me if it helps anyone with giving advice, so I can figure out myself, what my orientation is, and maybe so I can actually get one with my life and pursue some type of physical, sexual experience… Aside from what I’ve said before, (I know it sounds weird but,) I also find myself curious about what it would be like to wear high heels (mind you I have no interest in drag or cross dressing, I just want to experience what it’s like. I would say I may be a bit of a “twink” myself, as I’m tall but quite skinny, hate all body hair, and as such completely shave my body. I have been talking for a while now with a friend who is gay, and we’ve often exchanged pictures. I’m certainly attracted to men sexually, but I’m not positive if I am physically yet, as I’ve found from exchanging pictures. As well, he’s offered on many occasions to have a threesome with me and his boyfriend, but I’m absolutely terrified because 1. It would be my first sexual experience, losing my virginity- and with two men at once? I’m not sure I could handle that, and 2. I’m still not positive if I’m gay, straight, bisexual, or somewhere else? I find that while I do certainly find a lot of pleasure from using my dildo, and watching gay porn, I always feel disgusted, or ashamed and embarrassed with myself after I climax. This makes me shy away from the thought of any type of lifestyle straying from heterosexuality. I have no idea why I constantly feel this way, this guilt, afterward, or if I can even stop feeling this. That’s about everything I can say as a background to my situation… I’m just still so confused, nowhere closer to figuring out what to pursue with my life sexually, frustrated, and continually depressed with trying to battle with and resolve this. Does anyone have any suggestions, advice, and insight to give by chance? Or has anyone been in a similar situation, or care to analyze this at all? I truly appreciate any help more than you may ever know and it may make all of the difference in my life. I’m just trying to make sense of it all, and it’s killing me…
Why allow yourself to feel that way? You deserve happiness and peace. My advice is to first and formost be kind to yourself and allow yourself to experience your journey in life. Focus on things that make you happy and breathe, if you dude you like a dude if tomorrow that changes to you liking a gal than so be it, it's your life and because it's your life you should respect yourself and do what makes you feel 100 percent you and happy! Sexuality is something I feel we strongly over simplify and I might get some backlash but I think of life is as an experience one we must find out where our roads takes us, so with that said, don't stress the road! Enjoy it and with whomever decides to join you! It will all work itself out in the end! Hang in there!
I don't necessarily know what to say to you about this, only that I think I could have written that myself... I feel exactly the same!!! Sorry I can't be of much help, but just know that you aren't alone. Actually, one piece of advice from would be to get drunk. Not absolutely "can't stand up" drunk but have a few drinks. Then try and get together with your friend and his boyfriend. Alcohol isn't the answer of course, but it's helped me realise who I probably am in sobriety.
Er, no. Let's clear up some misconceptions. Liking anal and prostate stimulation doesn't make you gay. Gay guys and straight guys and then some have the same body and it'd logically follow that they can both get pleasure from such things. I could be wrong here... but I hope you're not suggesting that all or most black men engage in rough sex. Obviously, besides that being unlikely, it's also offensive and kind of capitalizes on someone's race as a fetish of sorts. Receptive partners in penetrative sex are not 'bitches'. I guess you want to be a submissive bottom to a dominant top, from what you've written. Bottoms can be dominant and tops can be submissive, and both people can be either be both dominant or submissive, as well, even if it may seem unintuitive. Completely straight guys can be into cross-dressing and such, either as a fetish of sorts or because of curiosity or enjoying doing so. The shame after you 'get off' might be because you've been taught, either consciously or subconsciously or both, that men engaging in such behaviour is unsavoury and wrong. I can assure you that it's not. =) Some people think that attraction can be split into 2 parts: sexual/physical attraction and emotional/romantic attraction. If that is the case, it could be said that you're a bisexual heteroromantic. It seems as though there's not much studies to confirm or deny the plausibility of it, though. If you think that matches you, or if you think you have a better understanding of yourself now, then great. If not, I'm sure it'll come in time.
I'd like to add just relax and do what feels good. You're a human being that likes sex. Sounds very normal to me. I wouldn't be too quick to pin a label on myself. For some people orientation is more fluid. In other people it's very fixed. Don't be afraid to experiment, safely, with a condom.
