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I masturbated without porn for the first time...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by unknown17050, Jul 30, 2013.

  1. unknown17050

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    I am unsure what to think about it by this time.... I mean seriously; my mind was going at 88 Miles Per hour (okay maybe I am exaggerating THAT a bit but please bear with me)

    I remembered stuff from the first pronogrophies I saw as an early teen, from a straight sex scene, to a lesbian sex scene which lasted the longest in that fantasy but then just before I finished; my mind literally cut back to the straight sex scene and it was a shot of the dude. The lesbian sex scenes and straight sex scenes kind of jumped around back and forth really, the lesbian scene I THINK (can't really say for sure because of the pacing before the cut) turned me on more but I am still uncertain, when I finished to the shot of the dude, I felt kind of disgusted and violated.

    I still am uncomfortable after witnessing it, I am also unsure if it means anything despite how I feel.
     
  2. Starry Eyes

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    So, you were thinking of this porn while masturbating? I'm not sure why this is a bad thing? Everyone masturbates to different stuff.
     
  3. lowkey

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    Well the English language has some flaws. Because someone even with slight denial problems can feel digusted and shameful apon cumming
     
  4. unknown17050

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    My issue is, I am not even sure about ANYTHING!

    ---------- Post added 30th Jul 2013 at 09:18 PM ----------

    Mostly because of how my mind went crazy, it just jumped all over the place with it's cuts and shots from my porn made memories.
     
  5. Chip

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    You'll need to do this probably for a while. In doing so, your mind will adapt and either create new fantasies for you, or settle more clearly on fantasies from what you've seen.

    I don't think there's enough to tell, really, but if I were to guess, based on what you've described, particularly where you finished, and how you felt... that may be the most accurate gauge of where your attractions lie. But as I said, I think you need to continue this for a while and see how the fantasies change as you stay away from porn for a bit.
     
  6. unknown17050

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    I'm not even sure how to concentrate my mind on just one particular gender.
     
  7. jimL

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    For many years I thought about some cute guy or girl that I had seen at school/work whatever. Just relax and go with whatever direction your mind wants to go. Don't try and force thoughts just let them flow. Try not to think of them as discussing just different than what society has told most of us what is acceptable.
     
    #7 jimL, Jul 31, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2013
  8. unknown17050

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    I understand, but it is rather confusing if I am trying to find out who I am though. I try to force myself to think of gay sex but just do not get turned on, when I think about straight sex or Lesbian sex I get turned on, but them moment I even reach down there my mind literally goes in all different directions.
     
  9. FallenAngel

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    Don't be so hard on yourself. You're still trying to figure out who you are and what you want and being on this site is a big step in itself :slight_smile: it's better you figure it all out now vs. trying to ignore it and go your whole life wondering. So...when it comes to what happened...no biggie. Everyone does it different. I don't watch porn either (used to be addicted) all I need is a toy :slight_smile: so that part is perfectly fine. It may be uncomfortable to think about the fact that you enjoyed seeing a guy but it's good that you admit it. I think you're being too hard on yourself though. Just take a deep breath and let it go. If you do it again, then you do it again. There's nothing wrong with it.
     
  10. unknown17050

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    The thing is, I feel that people are not understanding, I was jacking off to the women but just before the masturbation session ended, it was like my mind just simply cut to the dude.
     
  11. Kahne5

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    That's a plot twist!! I kid! Hey the only way to find out is when you are with that guy or gal! Don't stress it, just enjoy yourself and maybe that's a sign of an epic three way lol in all seriousness! You and only you knows what and who you are looking for!! Enjoy the chase and be happy!!
     
  12. unknown17050

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    Sadly, I think it is the only thing that can at this point, but sadly not possible at the moment as for 3 reasons.

    1. I am not very attractive.

    2. I do not know what I want currently, sexually that is.

    3. I think I am emotionally involved with another woman.
     
  13. Chip

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    The reason I was suggesting you repeat the "experiment" a few times is because the more you repeat it, the more you'll get a clearer picture of what's going on.

    I know exactly what you're talking about with regard to most of the imagery being focused on one thing and then switching at the point of orgasm. In most cases, when this happens repeatedly, it's the imagery at the point of orgasm and ejaculation that is most indicative of your sexual orientation; prior to that, your conscious mind (the desire to be straight, and maintain denial) can alter what your imagery is, but in my experience, from talking to a lot of people, when it abruptly switches to a guy right as you're about to orgasm... that's a pretty clear sign from your unconscious. But to be able to reliably answer the question, you need to know if that happens consistently.

    I do agree that, as much as you want to, getting an answer instantly and easily isn't likely to happen. So if you can just relax, as much as possible, and let the answer come more naturally over time, I think you'll be happier.
     
  14. Echoplex

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    Just out of genuine interest, what would happen with someone who is Bisexual at the point of orgasm? Would this sometimes happening demote their heterosexual attractions in your opinion, or would they still be just as valid and its more allowing the homosexual side to be part of the conversation so to speak?

    Sorry, this isn't my thread, and its not completely concerning myself anyway, but I thought I'd ask as I kind of start to feel pressured when I'm about to orgasm and these thoughts do come in to my head, I'm proud of my bisexuality at this point, and seemingly incredibly confident in my straight attractions to, be that in real life, porn and fantasies. Apologies if I have derailed anything, I hope any replies to this help give the OP more information too.
     
  15. unknown17050

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    That's the issue; I cannot get sexually excited towards men, when I think about women, I like it alot, I get aroused is what I am saying, I just am not sure with what is going on; it's like until I read that article in May, I was okay with it, and did not even question it, now it feels like I'm just curious or so deep in denial; even I cannot see it.

    I know I am at least Hetero Romantic for the most part; as all my romantic crushes in the past were indeed genuine, but I do not know if I am hiding my possibilities for being Bi-Romantic. It's like I sometimes after I started questioning; I am like; "How can I be bi or anything? I love women!" and then other times I am like; "Oh god, could I be Bi, or something?"
     
  16. confused82

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    I'm probably not the one to give advice here, but the fantasies you masturbate about should probably include yourself before you can say anything. You might remember my thread. I used to - and still do - masturbate to images of some girl I met today WITH me. Of course, because of all my confusion and obsessive thoughts I am now questioning everything. I've personally decided to take the advice for people in my thread and label myself as straight with some emotional things to figure out. Sexually though, I am pretty confident I'm straight, emotionally not quite sure. For you, stop watching porn for a week and then masturbate to a fantasy that has you in it. That will probably give you a better idea.