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someone help me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by haveheart, Jul 31, 2013.

  1. haveheart

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    ok so im 24 years old. im an open minded person. i dont hate gays and treat everyone with respect.... all my life ive dealt with depression and insecurities(i used to be overweight now lil chubby and small penis), specially with women.Most of my ex gf's could never give me that emotional connection bc i like to be pampered at time. I have to hide my pampering demand bc some women find it too emotional for a man to want to be told he is cute etc..I've Been suicidal before, harming myself in the past. Ive done a good job not harming and dealing wit depression..(curious, a lot of people dont expect men to go threw that) Well it had to start i think 20 or so i started watching gay porn (Mostly tranny) and I watched it off and on with straight. Of course i watched just men porn of all types. I watch porn of all types anyway lol but in the gay/bi area tranny was it for me. Guys are really ugly in my opinion and need to be fem for me to at least get into it.

    I could never find guys attractive or never would want to be in a relationship. Trannies are different bc when they can pass for a full women they satisfy that dick curiosity of mine and staying attractive but with either porn after i jerk off i think to myself, "Why the fuck am i doing this" Feelings like that would come up every time. So i checked out craigslist bc i sold stuff on there and saw the personal adds. I posted pics of my dick on the site just to see what would happen. The attention i received for my dick was a shock! I believed very much my dick was small and ugly and not desirable and cant get a women off. but gay men made me feel otherwise email after email. I never had intentions on hooking up but just using for attention now but then i finally saw an add up about a tranny in my city. I jumped to it and she wanted me. after a few miss chances we finally hooked up and i cant say it was bad but i didnt feel gay afterwards like my life is totally changed, i just felt like i just had sex and imma continue to live my life the way im used to it. She sucked me off and rimmed me. nice person. during & after im still trying to look for a girlfriend and talk to girls anyway.


    At this point im just barley on this DL experiment and I still dont feel no different but time goes by and im lonely and im not getting the same attention so i look for guys. I found some fem and also other straight downlow guys i hooked up with and being honest. 7months and i got with 5 guys. 2 outta 5 i had anal with..DINDT LIKE IT :dry: but i just just hooked up with the last one, he was fem. just bj but it was my first time giving anyone a BJ, never done that b4. i was just a top!i figured fuck it ya know. its there and he is fem so he would sound like a girl when he bust.just try it....but The bottom line, i wanted to hook up with the guys to get a full experiment and make a decision if i want men/TS or am i bi or just straight.. but i mostly hooked up bc it was way more easier to find someone to make me nut with guys than girls. I would honestly say that is 90% the reason. Compared to hooking up with women it was easier and more just fuck and leave. NSA. cant find that with women on demand, unless you already know them.and this way being DL no one will know and it stays hidden plus i knew they really wanted my dick. I have no desire to email him back and to delete him from my life. As of right now i feel like i did before i left my house which is w/e i dont care really about it. I just use men to make me nut. its like they are the biggest sluts on earth, so treat them like it..but Im afraid though this could be a cycle that wont turn off even if i was with a women or not. when i get aroused i have to check out whats on CL and then watch porn. and even if i connect with someone if i masturbate fully all that horny i need someone to make me cum all leaves my mind and im getting that thought in my head of what the hell are you doing....


    IN your opinion do you think im gay/BI/straight? should i seek therapy? whats my problem?