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I want to be gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by rusteejay, Jul 31, 2013.

  1. rusteejay

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    I've literally just realised that even though I think about women sexually and emotionally, recently (since I came out) I really find it intrusive when I think about women like that. I'm there in my head fantasising and then I think "what the hell are you doing here? Jog on!"

    I can't seem to accept being gay, but I really want to be gay. Really really really want to be gay. I feel like I am most of the time. I fantasise about being with a man sometimes and women others. You could say I'm bisexual but there's no middle ground with my thoughts. It's one or the other.

    Could all this be a case of me being impatient as I haven't been with another man properly yet or that I'm not actually gay and I've just pushed myself into this. I used to find sexual thoughts of me intrusive until I realised how great those thoughts felt. I'm on the verge of just accepting being gay but I'm boggled by the thought of a girl I like. I just want her to go away because then I feel like I could forget about women for good.

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. JakeFromNarnia

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    In think the fact that you're gay is great! But what caused you to come out as gay? Anything that really triggered it? And maybe you should try a casual relationship with a guy. Sometimes you need to test it out to know for sure. But of course, as some people believe, you can never be COMPLETELY gay. Yanno? There will always be some type of attraction to women (no matter how big or small) in the back of our minds. So maybe these thoughts are completely normal and just conflicting with your desires. I say before you make any solid decisions as far as sexual orientation goes, you should try a relationship with a guy. c: Hope this helped! Hugs and love! -Jake c:
     
  3. LinkLarkin

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    I think you need to try to take a step back and look at your situation objectively, since you're obviously very confused and your many thoughts are clouding the bigger picture.

    -Bisexual people do not have to be attracted to both sexes at the same time. Some people experience that, some report a more fluid attraction when they're only attracted to one or the other at any given time. Bisexuality is more complex than people give it credit for, so don't rule it out completely if you think it could apply to you.

    -You could be "homoflexible" rather than completely gay, i.e. you're mostly attracted to men but you're not willing to completely rule women out of the picture and there are just a select few who you can develop serious feelings for.

    Hopefully some other people can respond to you and build on this advice, but you personally just need to do some soul searching to find out where you really fall on the spectrum! Good luck! (*hug*)
     
  4. Perhaps you're pansexual, and the person is what matters, not the gender. Or maybe you are bisexual, but are more attracted to guys that girls. Look up the Kinsey scale, maybe that can help you realize what you are. Good luck!
     
  5. jvn95

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    I think that maybe you are mainly attracted to women, with guys on the side, and you are very driven with this thought of being gay. It won't leave, thus you must be completely gay.

    That's the thought process I see
     
  6. Tronix

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    I would strongly recommend this; obviously, scales and labels aren't the most efficient things by which to assess an individual, but it's okay to seek assurance or association in them, if you want. I'm 18, still confused as to the actual extent of my own leaning.
     
  7. rusteejay

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    Just like to say thanks to everyone for helping! If I summarise everything you've all said then I'd say I have a more sexual attraction to men, but a more emotional connection with women, mainly because of my relationship with my parents. I was going on a night out in Manchester down canal street but that's been postponed and honestly, when I got a text from my aunt saying that she had to work I was really heartbroken. Felt like crying in the middle of work. I don't blame her though i know she's struggling to get work. That highlighted to me that I do really want this and i just need to do something about it instead of leaving it to my thoughts! :/
     
  8. crickett

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    You stated one thing that disturbs me. "I want to be Gay!" I don't think you do. In fact, I don't think most to the LGBT community WANTS to be gay. We really want to be like everyone else in the majority, heterosexual. However, this is not how God has made me. You are young, age 18. You may be just be starting your exploration. But to say you want to be gay. I disagree. Look historically at the hate crimes against the African American community as well against the gay community. Can you really say - it is your choice and your desire to be a homosexual. I don't think so. I do believe that you may be confused and you are feeling your way out. You may be gay or you may be bisexual. Give yourself time - explore your feelings. You have time. You are young.
     
  9. rusteejay

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    I think you took the comment a bit literal, or the more likely explanation is that I didn't fully explain what I meant by that. It's not that given the choice I'd still be gay, it's more that I'd be happier in myself. Although I couldn't give a damn about stereotypes and things like that. I've faced all this because of various other things. I think maybe that's your issue. I'm probably saying I want to be gay cuz I feel like I have no choice in the matter so I'm bamboozled naturally
     
  10. Pat

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    Sounds like you need to get laid honestly. By a woman. You obviously sound bi curious.. I wouldn't call you bisexual exactly. It just sounds like women intimidate you a little and you should pursue them more. They're great company. I just can't fix my head to want to sleep with them.
     
  11. wanderinggirl

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    Why do you "want" to be gay?
     
  12. rusteejay

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    Yeah... That might cause problems... I've come out to some of my family...

    ---------- Post added 1st Aug 2013 at 09:24 PM ----------

    I want to be gay because I have sexual feelings for men and I've also got a few emotional feelings towards a really close male friend of mine.
     
  13. wanderinggirl

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    There's a difference between 'i want to call myself gay" and "i want to be gay". I was just curious as to why you would "want" it rather than "be" it.

    Like others have said, bisexuality is totally a thing and you might be that.
     
  14. rusteejay

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    I don't want to 'call myself gay'. I've been afraid of that bollocks for years. Oh f**k me I dont even know what I want anymore.

    ---------- Post added 1st Aug 2013 at 10:04 PM ----------

    Is it possible that my medication has caused me a few mental problems? I've been on an amphetamine-based medication for ADHD for over 10 years now... I'm wondering whether it's taking it's toll on me because at the end of the day it is a class A controlled drug and it can do things to ya...