Hello everyone, This is my first message on this website and I found about it searching at kind of same experience than mine on the net. So I'll try to be short to explain you the situation. I'm almost 29 years old (in less than one month) and I'm and I've always been straight. I'm in relationship with my boyfriend since 10 years now and everything was good until around 2 years ago when we started to talk about the fact to have a baby. So as you probably understand, he doesn't want to have children and I want. So it's started to be hard between us but from my point of view. What I mean is that for him there is no problem, he loves me, I love him, the baby issue is not a real problem. But since two years the baby issue become more and more a problem for me. I never talked about that to anyone even to my parents, and I kept everything on me, like I used to do, until march of this year when everything started to be too much in my life (not only that but an addition of problem: work, family, baby issue ect...) and I started to cry for nothing even at work and eventually I opened up to one of my colleague and friend with who I was already pretty closed with. And since then we became closer and closer, we see each other every day at work and try to spend all our week end together, we even went 10 days to vacation together in June and we are texting every day good morning (even if we see each other like 1 hour after at work) and good night. I'm feeling so confused, weeks passing and more I feel close from her. She is calling me "my love" and "sunshine" she is telling that she loves me on all her message and that she miss me as soon as she leave work. And recently she even started to say it in real. I'm doing the same also now. And since we came back from our vacation, we started to hug each other for nothing like saying hello, bye, or even during the day if something at work come right or wrong. And every time, my heart is beating like crazy. Anyway, I left for 10 days from the 15 to the 25th of July for a business trip for work and I missed her like crazy. She said that she missed me too and she started to call me "love of my life". It even confused me more. I called her back the same. I start to dream that I'm kissing her and now I even dream it when I'm fully awake. I feel like I never love someone like I'm loving her. She is so perfect in my eyes. So I came back from my trip and she was leaving for vacation 2 days later, and we barely got time to see each other and it killed me and she said it killed her also but I'm not sure, she understood really what I meant. So now, she left since 3 days, and I've never been so sad since long. My boyfriend is questioning me a lot. He is wondering what's happening to me. Moreover my friend is barely answering to my message since she left, which is not helping me at all. I'm really confused about my self. I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with her, but it is a first time I feel something like this for a girl. And I can tell you that I never found a girl pretty before her. I don't know what to think about me first, and about her also. She is straight, she is single, but the "worst" part is that she is Muslim and still living in her parent house because she is not married (she is 26). She is practicing and her family is strict. I don't know if what I'm seeing as love from her, is not only strong friendship. I'm European and she saw me also like a way to escape to what she is "made" for. She told me one day that everyone as a model and wants to resemble to someone and that for her, her model was me, and that I'm perfect and she wished she could be like me. Really, it's her behavior and her words which lead me to feel what I feel for her now. She was the one to say the things first always, and now that I'm trying to be closer, I feel sometimes like she is taking distance from me. Then, when she realized she hurt me, she come back and start again. I'm so confused, sad and I'm crying every day since she left. I don't know what to do nor to think. I'm leaving for vacation in 1 weeks to see my family (I'm expat) and I know I won't see her before the 1st of September which make me even sadder. I'm sorry, finally I didn't make it short. But I needed to express it, I can't talk to anyone. So it's first time I'm talking about that here. Thank you for who read until the end and thank you for your advice or answer.
I'm Muslim myself but I like men ,try to suggest she could move in with u and ur bf if u feel u are gay . Then try to get to come out to her parents . If her parents disown her then get her help any help. Muslim families are homophobic unforutately . And try to get her a place for herself . Good luck l'll be praying for u and her
I guess the only way to find out is to actually ask if she wants to have a sexual relationship with you. You seem to have feelings for her so I think it is clear that you are not 100% straight. Also, you might want to seek a professional to help you work through some of this stuff.
Wow , very interesting post. I'm sorry your hurting and confused , that's hard I'm sure. It sounds like you should maybe take a break from your boyfriend, and your friend and be alone to reflect on who you are , and possibilities of you may be bi or maybe this is an emotional relationship your falling into . Be alone for a while and figure out what you really want . Sometimes that's hard to do when in a commitment that's semi stressful. Maybe see a therapist who specializes in sexuality issues . Ultimately, you need to figure out what's going on and what and who can enhance your happiness.
I'm not going to advise you to see a therapist or get with this woman. What I'm going to ask is, how would you have felt if your boyfriend had agreed to have a baby?
Hi, welcome to EC! First, I think you need a (*hug*) I'm so sorry that you're hurting, and if possible try to keep yourself busy. I know it is a lot harder said than done, but you need to occupy your time, so that way you're not constantly thinking about this girl. It most definitely sounds like you may love this girl as more than a friend, but if I were you, I would take a few steps back. You're dealing with two separate issues currently; first, your boyfriend does not want kids. Ten years is a really long time to be with someone and I doubt if your boyfriend is going to change his mind. You're deserving of motherhood, so do not let anyone take that away from you. You need to be with someone who wants kids and there are plenty of people out there who adore children. Now, about the girl you're falling for, she could very well be bisexual and or gay. However, you're going to have to just come out and ask her. There are many Muslim women and men who are not straight, yet they may not be as open about their sexuality due to a lack of acceptance. The current distance between you and your friend may hurt now, but it will be okay. Your friend's presence kind of opened up your eyes because you deserve better. I'm not saying your boyfriend is a horrible person because he doesn't want kids, but I do not think he's the one for you. So, you really need to talk to him about possibly going your separate ways. If anything, just allow things to take its course and next month will be here soon. Once you get the opportunity to talk to your friend, tell her how you feel about her. Good luck
It's easy to look at what you wrote and assume you must be gay just because you have a doubt. It's easy to assume that on this website. I think its merely a reaction to your desire for motherhood. This girl is nothing but a distraction to this. This girl looks up to you and that's what a child does to it's parents (supposing they didn't grow up in a dysfunctional family). That's what I feel anyway. I doubt this will make a difference in the end because a million people can tell you a million things and in the end all that matters is the decision that you make. Wishing you the best of luck
