Have you felt a loss of attraction for one gender after being heart broken by them? I.e. after losing a giant meaningful long term relatoonship, where you were deeply in love. in this situation, have you had a boost in fantasies for the other gender? your labido kind of shifts? or if you've been having sex with the same person for a long time, not that it's not satisfying, that the gender gets average and normal feeling, kinda boring? Generally, do you find that one gender is usually prominently in the drivers seat of your desire, and they go through phases and switch it up? Also, as a male, I don't find watching lesbian or female masturbation porn very exciting, it seems soft and boring. it doesn't turn me off, but doesn't get me going much either. it feels like a warm up that never goes anywhere. I find that the actual visual look of a vagina, like when looking at porn, isnt very exciting. which is strange, because I spent all of my adolesence and teen years getting off to plenty of that. and one of my favorite things is having a vagina in my face/mouth. I don't feel that porn necessarily corresponds with real life for me sometimes. for example, my gf masturbated for me recently with a toy and it was extremely hot. d I find that my sexual tastes fluctuate a lot.I feel a general sense of boredom or desensitization to acts of sex with a female, even though the sex was great and I was fully aroused, its just that I've been sexing that gender hundreds of times in my life without experiencing the other one. then again, was in a long term relationship so same girl for the past few years. that feeling kinda, grew slowly over time as relationship problems occured. does that make sense? and now a penis seems super exciting since I've never experienced one. are these typical kind of things for a bisexual to say? I realize that I need to experiment with the other gender, since I never really have its a hot fantasy, but I always assumes I was bisexual, or heterosexually open, since my life has always been all about woman since I am attracted to them and was as an early child too, and fell for them a lot, and really hard a few times. now I'm experiencing a bit of a shift/focus on my unfulfilled same sex fantasy. it's something I need to experience. it's hard to find info on what true bisexuals feel like and the kind of thoughts or phases they go through, so I hope you can help me out. Im afraid I'm going to end up like the classic story of a closet homosexual, but that would surprise me very much because I can't discount the attraction I've had my whole life for females, I never felt it was wrong for me to be with a female, Ive really really enjoyed them. and I've always been very open minded and noticed fluctuations in my sexuality.
For me, I'm bisexual but I've been in a phase of predominantly men and now I've shifted to predominantly women. I don't know what it's like for other bisexuals, but when I felt that shift, it was after a long term semi-serious relationship with a guy who I was attracted to physically but not emotionally. I cried a lot and struggled with it because I didn't understand how anyone could actually have love-feelings for someone else. I broke it off because romantically, I couldn't give any more than I was giving, and when he kissed me goodbye the last time we talked it was painful. After a couple more awful hookups, where I felt no emotional connection nor the desire for emotional connection with the guys (and in fact two of them seemed like they could be closeted... hmm) I completely lost interest in guys and lost hope that I would ever meet someone I connected with. I didn't even feel like pursuing hookups for the first time since puberty. My libido was still high, but I just got turned off by the idea of being with guys. I meditated a lot during this time, and it made me aware of moments where I was holding back. One night I realize I kept recoiling every time my friend brushed by me. Then it hit me that it was because I was attracted to her. From then on I've almost exclusively pursued women, and at this point in my life it's just felt right. I don't know if that'll change in the future, but for me the transition from one preference to another seems slow and gradual, not prompted by heartbreak perse but by feeling unfulfilled with one gender.
I was always attracted to girls like from 3 years ago but now I have a crush on a boy. So I find my preferene does waver.
I'm PROBABLY not bi; but I have been on this site long enough to see a few posts that do mention how their preferences have changed in time, like one stated they flow from being attracted to one gender and then the other.
When I was younger and hadn't really developed any sexual desires I would go out with girls just because that was the norm and everyone did it. My first real girlfriend I now realise was more of an emotional relationship, we were never intimated, we just acted like best friends. It took me a year to realise I wasn't sexually attracted to her. Now that I have realised my sexuality I swing more towards guys, plus the gay community is just so much more free and liberating.
I'm bi'. However after my engagement of three years broke off I haven't been out with a woman. We had good sex. It was just that the expectations change when you put a ring on a woman's finger. She seemed to think being engaged meant that she had a houseboy. Perhaps most husbands feel like houseboys? I've gone out with a few guys but nothing very serious developed. I still flirt with women but don't go too far.
OP, what you're saying sounds pretty normal for a bisexual person to me. Attraction fluctuating over time, depending on the circumstances, is something most bi people can relate to. For me, I find that when I'm in a relationship that I'm satisfied with, I mostly only feel attraction to the gender of the person I'm dating. If we break up, I'm probably going to shift towards the other gender for a while. Not being into lesbian porn doesn't seem weird to me. Don't know if that's true for most bi guys, but I've never been into it either. I just feel too... unwanted? Something like that :lol:
I have not been engaged, but I didn't do well handling dynamics that were too controlling for my more independent, but not disloyal, personality if I feel I am really smitten. I brought up this issue early on when I began posting and it met with some comments which called me on the generalization. I'll clarify, because I was off a little bit. An unpleasant experience, or string of them with one gender, can push the person who is NOT at a Kinsey endpoint, and is already fluid, to another place along that line. It might be permanent and not cause too much angst, or it might not be permanent and may not be handled well. The reason the clarification was needed is because if a person is heterosexual or homosexual, these events will not phase them in terms of their orientation, and they will either take a hiatus from looking or resume looking for another significant other of the same gender. ---------- Post added 7th Aug 2013 at 07:35 PM ---------- + 1 It sort of feels like you're unnecessary. It doesn't mean twice the action at all, at least to me. I'd rather see a solo performance by a woman than two. Most centerfolds are shown in ones, not twos. For both genders.
Thanks Tightrope! I didn't want to be specific because my ex may be on here. I also thought it might be TMI.
We want to tell a story thoroughly yet at the same time consider TMI, either because it's plain old TMI or boring for someone to plow through. Life's a bitch!
For me it does tend to swing from one gender to the other oh so often. Currently, I swing more towards men, but for the opposite reason that you're attracted to them.. I have had more 'sexual' (I use the term loosely) experiences with boys than girls. They both turn me on, but the thought of being with a guy just seems so much more appealing. When I was 13, I was infatuated with women.. I tried so hard to get with one but it never really happened. Maybe it's because it's easier to have a relationship with a man than a woman.. I should really start thinking about my sexuality myself come to think of it...
As others said, attraction can waver. It's not set in stone, really. For me personally, I've always preferred men and get the occasional phase were being with a woman sounds interesting. And the whole thing about an attraction shift to the other gender... sounds normal to me. I think because, even if it's only subconscious, there's this fear that "All girls/guys are the same", so the next relationship with a girl/guy will be the same. So really, no different than any fear of being hurt in a new relationship and totally normal in my books.
Yes everything you're saying sounds typical. There is a large emotional component to attraction. If someone ignites your passion then they'll command your sex drive, and you'll tend to lean in the direction of their gender when that happens. You may find over time that your sex drive becomes less physical, less automatic, and more dependent upon this emotionally-based mechanism as you age. I do think that if you go a long time only scratching one itch, the other itch will scream at you louder and louder until you're forced to do something about it. Right now, men are the forbidden fruit. They're more exotic, and exotic becomes erotic. Spend years in the gay community and the women become the exotic ones. It's funny how the brain works. Funny enough, I never had much interest in girl-on-girl porn as a teenager. I found penetration more interesting, though I focused on the women in straight porn. Now after having had multiple gay relationships and having slept with men as well as women, I actually do get off on F/F porn more than I used to. I think part of it is translating that feeling of 'superfriends with benefits' that I get from other men and combining it with my attraction toward the female form. I actually find les porn more interesting than straight porn now.
No, I have not felt a loss of attraction for one gender after being 'heart broken'. I don't really have a boost in fantasies for one gender over the other. I can't really fantasize too good, which sucks. Plus, I haven't really had sex because I'm a virgin. However, I have done some things with a girl but I never ate her out, but it was really fun for me because I was younger. My levels of attraction to people in general are pretty fickle, so it's kind of hard for me to recognize if I truly like someone. Most of the time, I like someone physically or mentally and that's not enough for me. I need both. However, I tend to find girls more attractive to guys because they have so much more to offer, in my opinion. I actually am the opposite of you when it comes to dirty films because I can really do without the penis in the movies. Like if the girls have a strap on then that's good too. I love seeing the vagina in porn because that's all that really matters to me. But, in general, I think that most bisexuals feel the way you do because we all like both and you can like focus on one gender sometimes and then switch back to the other. At the end of the day, you still like men and women, so it doesn't really matter.
I'm bisexual. I still find girls attractive I had 3 gf's too but none of those 3 relationships made me happy.... I have a crush on a guy too and I'm enjoying it even thought I'm just imagining them in my mind.... I like vaginas and penis too both are equal for me like if I watch a video of a woman squirting her slit out it makes me wanna fuck. o: So I feel like I'm definitely a bisexual my friends are joking me that I'm a lesbian XD
Yes (sort of); after my girlfriend and I broke up (we had dated for about six months), I definitely went through a period of stronger attraction for men. I wouldn't necessarily say that I had a loss of attraction towards women, but it was just overshadowed for a period. Yes, my attractions fluctuate (hence my listed orientation ). Some days, all I'm thinking about is guys, and others, all I'm thinking about is girls.
