Ok so I am 20 and have known for some time that I am attracted to women. At the moment I think I am also attracted to men but I'm not sure, I sometimes feel like that is me trying to tell myself that I could happily be with a man and have children etc later on. Honestly I have no problem with homosexuals, my best friend is a lesbian and I have a handful of friends who are gay. I just feel like it's wrong for me to have these feelings. When I think about being with a woman and being open about my sexuality I feel ok with it until I start to think about how my life will change and what it will be like in the future. I have always grown up thinking that I want to get married to a man and have children and live a 'normal' and happy life. I know I could do all of these things with a woman but it just doesn't feel the same. It feels like I shouldn't as it is not the sterotypical thing to do. I want for these feelings to go away but I don't know how they will. I want so badly to be with a woman but in my eyes it isn't right. I am also very scared about how people will react if and when I decide to come out. I know people will look at me differently but I don't want people to treat me different, I am the same person after all. Did anyone else feel like this? It is really getting me down. Any advice right now would be amazing!
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 20 too and I've always pictured my future with man, but at the moment I'm physically attracted to some girls. Idk if its because I'm bi or just curious, but I don't believe these feelings are okay to have. I so badly want these feelings to go away but I just can't stop thinking about being with a girl. I have had a small fling with a girl but we didn't do anything farther than just making out because I didn't feel like it was right. I honestly don't know if I should try things out with a girl or just see if these feelings die out.
You both sound exactly like me. That is the way I felt when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality. I am now also 20, but was 18 at the time when I was experiencing similar feelings. I was scared that I was just holding on to the idea of being bisexual because being a "full" lesbian would be too much. In reality, I am a proud and confident bisexual. Until I was 18--almost 19--I had never imagined myself with anyone other than a man and had always believed myself to be straight. I had really just been denying and writing off my feelings for women. I can promise you that they don't go away and the more you are aware of them and begin to accept them, the more women you will seem to find attractive. It is a really rough road at first, but be assured that it isn't wrong for either of you to be with a woman. I am not a fan of experimenting for the sake of experimenting, but if you find someone that you are genuinely attracted to then go for it. You have to realize that love is love and you can't help if you fall for a man or a woman. You can't ignore your attractions to women and only be open to being with men, which was my plan when I was in the same mental space. The more you open yourself up and accept who you are and how you feel, the happier you will be. I wish you both the best of luck and if you have any questions for me feel free to ask.
Thanks to both GettingThere93 and Sportschic25 for sharing their thoughts and feelings with all of us here. It makes me happy to know there are other like-minded people out there
Thank you for your advice etc. It's nice to know that I'm not alone! My only question is how long do you think this process will take, as it just seems to be getting more and more difficult
What you're experiencing is typical, the awareness, the resistance, the worries... I can't think of one person who, after acknowledging they aren't completely straight, sings "Kumbaya" around a campfire immediately. Some react more neutral, but generally, it's a challenge for everyone. I was there before. The first few months were the worst: depression, insomnia, panic attacks, fear, anger, guilt, you name it. Things have slowly started getting better, and I still have both my good and bad days, positive the goods will start outweighing the bad the more I become comfortable in my own skin and continue to reach out when needed. Everyone is different. This is a life-long journey, but some people move faster towards progress than others. For me, it involved shutting out the negative things others would say, learning to love myself, accepting and becoming more comfortable with my judgments, NOT jumping to conclusions, interacting with supportive folk, taking care of my mental and physical health, meaning getting sunlight, vitamins, therapy, medication... In short, I've quickly moved past the worst. Believe me, it's a HUGE change, and it's only natural to stress over the future, except... we don't know what the future holds. For some reason, we have a tendency to assume the worst, when the reality really isn't anything like we imagined it to be. You don't know yet if you're a lesbian for certain, and even if you were, who is to say you couldn't marry a man and have children? It might not be the most satisfying experience, but if starting a family is *that* important to you, who am I or anyone else to say it's wrong? There's also adoption, surrogacy, foster care...
Honestly, I didn't really begin to feel okay about myself until I figured out what my sexuality was and came out. Once I had my family and friends behind me, I felt a lot better about myself and had no problem letting go of the less than enthusiastic people in my life. It took my at least four months to really grasp my sexuality after determining that I was becoming attracted to girls. Gravechild is right though. Everyone moves at their own pace. I was(am if I am being honest. lol) in love with my best friend who was female so that pushed things along a little for me. Especially after we began dating.
