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i might be gay or straight alsp im in a situation involving it

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lowkey, Aug 7, 2013.

  1. lowkey

    lowkey Guest

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    She's the best person I know of. Literally the best person.

    She's the most honest and sincere, and trustworthy of all the people I know.

    I told her before we broke up what was happenIng about my sexuality
    How I'm a lot more emotionally attracted to her then physically.
    We agreed to not see anyone else or hook up with anyone else till I'm figured out and I know what I want.

    Well, she came over today and told me she had feelings for another guy from work. N that there just feelings and she has not acted on them nor does she even really want to act on them because she has stronger feelings for me n also cause of our history
    I'm her first, she's 20 n has only been with me.

    When she told me she had feelings for another guy I had a rush of tears come to me n I wanted to cry pretty bad but I did not. I got mad n we fought but we ended on better terms, wish i had a better temper management, I feel like I see red in a way sometimes n can't help but feel like I need to get my way n we cuddled and kissed a few times... I missed those kisses n cuddling.

    So I guess tonight is either a step in the right direction or a setback. She seems pretty dead set on having me in her life rn, I was the same way before this when deeply questioning my sexuality. But I feel like if she's with another guy I am jealous n I dont want to be apart of that, like hanging out n talking as friends.

    Im not sure really where to go from here. I don't know if I have control issues, abandonment issues, or do I really love her? Am I confusing anxiety for emotion?

    I have emotions for sure... Its just what type of emotions am I feeling... So lost. I know I care for her but its like not typical lovey dovey, there's a lot of stress, a lot of low tolerance for things.. it can be lovey dovey liken when were cuddling or kissing... In which case I can't stop kissing her.

    I know I like kissing girls more then guys at this point from experience... It didn't match up to my gay fantasies as far as what I liked.. I haven't had sex with a guy but I know head from a female gets me off quicker then head from a male.. except one time with a male but I had my eyes closed again fantasizing gay porn but again watching a guy giving me head or kissing one ...it doesn't match up with my gay fantasies which is why its so confusing