I always thought I was a lesbian - I am nearly seventeen, and I came out when I was thirteen to family and close friends. The thought of sex with a man or physical contact with a man used to actually repulse me - it made me feel physically grossed out. However, a few years ago I became friends with a boy a year or so older than me, and although we don't see each other often because we live far away from each other, we talk online most days and the time we have spent together has been amazing and I want nothing more than the spend more time with him. We've hugged each other and held hands and spent time cuddling each other, which we both really enjoyed. I want nothing more than to see him again so we can do that again. Recently I have found myself imagining myself kissing and having sex with him (not fantasising, just imagining. I don't really fantasise much.) , and I am not at all repulsed in the way I used to be. I am definitely still attracted to women - but I have no idea if I am attracted to men or not. I am scared that having to ask myself if I am attracted to this person means I am not, but for so long (months, if not a year) I have been really confused about my sexuality, and this isn't the first time I have wondered if I am attracted to boys or not too. A day or so ago, this boy admitted to me that when were together, he had wanted to kiss me. I realised then that I had imagined myself kissing him, too... and I hadn't disliked the thought. What's clear to myself is that I have no desire to launch into a sexual relationship with anyone (male or female) yet. I would like to in the future, but right now I think I'd be happy with kissing and cuddling. I'm sixteen - I'm in no hurry to sleep with the first person to look at me twice. However, this does NOT mean that I never want a sexual relationship - I do, but in a year or so. What's also clear is that I am emotionally attracted to this boy and I feel very emotionally attached to him. When he is happy, I'm happy. When he's upset, I'm upset too. I just want him to be happy. I felt completely whole and happy when we were together, and really very sad and lonely when we're apart. And I am now wondering if there is physical attraction, too. (I have never felt much physical attraction to anyone before, apart from in an "Oh, she's pretty" kind of way, so I don't have past experiences to compare with.) I am also unsure how much to tell him about the way I feel. I desperately want to be honest, but I'm afraid that a) It'll spoil our friendship, b) I am wrong about the way I feel, c) I will upset him or freak him out, d) I'm just in "a phase" and it'll pass. I desperately want to avoid deluding myself or talking myself into feeling one way or another. The unclear part is basically, I have no clue if I am bisexual or not, (How do I actually find out? Is there some test?!) and I don't know how to confess my feelings to my friend. Any help would be much appreciated. If anyone would like more details or clarification of any points, please ask me and I will be happy to oblige.
You have not a single thing to worry about; because of these simple things. 1. Sexuality is not set in stone, meaning just because you are lesbian does not mean it is impossible for you to fall in love; ROMANTICALLY with the opposite sex; same can be said with Gay guys and straight people as well. (proven fact; 70% of women who identified as straight have admitted to having same sex crushes a few times in their life according to a nationwide counter; no such poll exists for men, but there is another poster on this site that happens to confirm men are capable of it too, it may just be a fact of them not owning up to it) 2. Labels are not the 100% all to all description, meaning not a single person is 100% gay/lesbian/straight/bi. Everyone has a few things and quirks that make them lean in the opposite direction, and usually the teenage years is when we finally learn and understand what these feelings mean and are mentally mature enough to acknowledge them, some may not like said knowledge and do what is best to DENY such things, hence why their may not be any studies leading to males stating such. 3. People do not go through phases, they go through times where they question and ask themselves who and what they are, but phases where they are attracted to both genders and then suddenly that vanishes, is not true. 4. You both seem to like each other, why not do it? You might even discover more about yourself. 5. You will know your sexuality, based on who you would prefer to be in bed with. Of course, you could search on google to take some cheap test like some people who questioned, much like myself; have before, but it'll only temporarily ease your mind. 6. Your Romantic preference is an orientation in it's own right, you fail to mention any romantic feelings towards females which makes me believe this might be the case, and if currently a romantic relationship seems more appealing to you than a sexual one, I would do it.
Thank you unknown17050! I really can't express how much of a weight that is off my mind. I have been so stressed recently and your post has made me so much less worried. I will definitely remember your advice. Thanks again. All that remains for me to do is to decide how, and what exactly to tell my friend!
Talk to him about your feelings, but do not think for one minute that he'll be head over heels for you in one shot. Talk slowly, say nice things like; I have been thinking about you lately.... I just wanted you to know that, and if the opportunity comes, tell him, if not; try to send signals, he will eventually ask what the deal is and you will answer. From what I read in your post, you both seem to like an care for each other deeply, if anything try to not take the relationship so seriously, despite you wanting it to.
