Terrified of not being lesbian I want, very VERY much, to be a lesbian, most likely because I am one (I think). Liking girls feels right and natural, and the thought of being with a guy seems unpleasant and unfulfilling. The problem is there is so much out there to tell me that I don't think and feel what I think I think and feel, that my lesbianism isn't real and that I will end up turning to men, that it has put doubts in my head to the point where I can't even be sure I know what I think any more. To start with there's "it's just a phase" and "women are very sexualized in our society and pleasant to look at, you're confusing that with sexual attraction". I worry that I don't really know what sexual attraction is, and maybe I've never really felt it and someday it will come out of the blue and I will feel it toward men instead of women. There's studies on "female sexual fluidity" and claims that most women are bisexual, not lesbian. There's lesbians on TV and in movies going and cheating on their partners with men -- and it happens in real life too (although I don't know how often). There's women who identified as lesbians for decades -- Jackie Clune, JoAnn Loulan, Jan Clausen, Elena Azzoni... and wound up with men. And those are just a few well-known ones, how many more "hasbians" are there that we never hear about? Even Dan Savage, the founder of the "It Gets Better" project meant to support LGBT youth, has commented that there's something about being a lesbian that's "easily shrugged off" when a woman "wakes up and finds a man-shaped hole in her pants". I am very, very jealous of gay guys getting to go through questioning only once, and once they're out nobody doubts that they're gay and will be for life. They get to be "born that way", but... are we? How can I live with the idea that something that feels like such a huge part of me could all be fake, or could one day go away? The thought that all the struggle of accepting myself and coming out, building a life for myself as a lesbian, could all turn out to be for nothing, that this might not be real or that someday "sexual fluidity" could hit and take all of that away from me, just... I don't know how to live with a threat like that hanging over my head my whole life! I know the smart thing to do would be to live with the uncertainty, to embrace who (I think) I am for now, don't worry about labels, and leave the future to itself but I CAN'T. The thought of facing a future like that terrifies me, to the point where sometimes I feel like I'd rather die... I'm hoping it's just media bias... that lesbians who turn straight are an unusual thing so they get more attention but there aren't really that many... PLEASE does anyone have any trustworthy and reassuring statistics on how many lesbians STAY lesbian their whole lives?
I think you are suffering from a little case known as the; WHATIFS. Meaning what if or maybe I am not who or what I think I am. It is normal to doubt, but it is not healthy to linger on about labels. Almost everyone in my opinion is at least slightly Biromantic to a certain extent, you will find that many who have pre-ported to be straight have admitted to having at least romantic crushes on people of the same sex. But you will know who and what you are. Do not let the doubt scare you, but do not let the label wear you down.
"Do not let the doubt scare you, but do not let the label wear you down" unknown17050 you are a very smart man ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2013 at 12:07 AM ---------- listen greenthumb, I was and still am (but in a lesser degree) in this situation. At the beginning I thought that I was bi, but I started reading on the internet, and talking to people about. And it just brainwashed me, and I was not sure what is real and what was not real because of things such as "it is just a phase or you are in denial" so on so on, there are thousands of them which I have read on the internet or I was told by the people. So I was questioning myself if I am not bi then am I hetero who likes men and women? but you see it's impossible. So I've learned something very important. I have learned that THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN POSSIBLY TELL YOU YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS YOU and the second thing is to talk to people who have the same sexual orientation as you have, and don't allow anyone who doesn't know anything about sexual orientation tell you who you are because they know shit
