Hi everyone, i just ran into this site and I'm really thankful about it... I have been a lesbian for about 10 years but only really did something about it about 6-7 years ago. in that time i have had 4 (failed) relationships, though i will say all relationships ended amicably and i am still friends or friendly with each woman. It has been me who ends things for one reason or another, but in all cases but one, the sex is long gone by the time the relationship is over. When i was young i was sexually abused by my mothers partner, and so everyone (including me at times) thinks that is the reason i 'turned' lesbian. I have gone to a few psychics who have told me that i would be with a guy, or that i find them attractive. To be honest, i don't necessarily... Or I think i could for a bit but then something happens and I'm over it. One of the main reasons i love women or thought i did was because i felt that they were nicer, safer and not use women as objects, just sleep with them and never speak to them again! Well, after my ex and i broke up, i met this girl who at first i didn't really respect a great deal, I'm not going to lie... I was under the illusion that i could sleep around and in all honesty i thought i should be a slut, or at least give it a go.so anyway, we spent a weekend together, where i realised that she was actually quite a nice person and amazingly talented in bed. Only once the weekend was over, she messaged me a few times and when i went to her town (cos we don't live in the same place) she totally ignored me and blew me off... Well not entirely but she didnt respond to my message for so many hours after, obviously cos she didnt care... So i got upset, and said i didn't want to talk to her..not that she gave a rats. So i was quite upset but at the same time, i wasn't really ready for something anyway.... But just the way the never spoke to me again after i sent like 3 messages was a bit harsh. Anyway i have been giving the trying a guy thing out, lots of thought... I think i should do it. The last psychic i went to see said i would have a bf next, a nice guy. I kissed one a few weeks ago when i got so so drunk, but i can't even remember. I mean have i just blocked guys out cos i don't trust the whole race??? And like now that i met this girl, who i heard is 'straight' but sleeps with a lot of women (and obviously i was just one of those), and shes pretty much like a guy... Gets her rocks off, then see ya. Well maybe the reasons for choosing women are way off... I just don't know. I meet guys and I'm like, right... I'm gonna do it... And so i should because maybe I'm straight. Does this happen to other people????
This is pretty complicated. First, it is definitely possible to be attracted to women, and then change to being more attracted to men. Sexuality is inherently fluid, and while that fluidity isn't usually that extreme, it absolutely can be. This is especially true for bi and queer people, it's not rare for them to spend periods of time leaning towards one gender and then periods of time leaning toward the other. However, it's not unheard of for someone who identifies completely as gay to find themselves suddenly attracted to members of the opposite gender. One thing you didn't mention is who and what you're actually attracted to. At the end of the day, that's what sexuality is. Does your head turn when you see a beautiful woman on the street? Do you get breathless around any certain guys? Not everyone feels intense emotional or physical signs of attraction, but if you do they are probably a pretty clear indicator of who you like. My suggestion would be to listen to your heart/vagina. If you find yourself crushing on a particular guy, pursue it. But don't force attraction that isn't there. Truthfully, although women tend to be more emotionally invested in relationships (there's hormonal reasons for that!), they aren't always. A jerk can be any gender, and so can someone who's not emotionally ready for a real relationship. It sounds like up until this one girl, you got pretty lucky. Don't give up on girls because of one bad experience, it can happen with anyone. The flip side of this is that if you decide you really do like dudes, there are plenty of guys out there who want real relationships.
thank you for your response... I can't really say I'm attracted to guys but I feel like I should be... or at least try. I don't usually look atbguyd and think wow I want to be with you! but maybe that's because I've conditioned myself not to, who knows? even though my exes have been beautiful people and they are. I've tried 4 very different women yet it never feels or has felt like we're really making love. in fact any that I really, really have an actual sexual attraction for, like animalistic or from a deeper place, that's beyond my control, ends up being a player or not good for me. so obviously the issue is inside me. I don't care for guys in a sexual way at all, but I think maybe I should. maybe I made myself like girls and maybe I'll make myself like guys... everyone here writes about how they fell in love with her or they were friends and realised that they had butterflies but I can't say that has really been my experience, not in a healthy way anyway. I had boyfriends when I was younger, who were attractive but I just didn't really care about sexing them, one day I saw a girl that was stunning and everything made sense. finally. I don't know really but I think I should at least just try and look at guys in the same way I look at girls. I don't think any feeling comes from inside inside anymore, I don't think my feelings are real, I think I must be controlling everything
I can completely relate to you. When I was younger I got crushes on guys. I had a bf in highschool and he wanted to be "intimate" but I was never interested in being that way at all. I can't say you can necessarily "condition" urself to like one sex over another. I know I'm physically attracted to men and have gone out with some on mostly "pity dates" which were ok.. then I fell in love with a woman in college and ever since then being with a woman makes sense to me. As far as guys, I'm kinda confused whether I should go out with them. I label myself as bisexual but secretly I'm kinda confused on how to label myself. I also worry so much about being accepted since ever since I tried coming out to my family, they don't really accept it. One of my family members have even said that I love " trying to be different" and that really hurt that I worry sometimes if I talk to him he's gonna ask me about my dating life. I do think about dating guys sometimes but I also wonder if it's just because I haven't been in a relationship in a while and want attention. I wouldn't mind dating a guy but I don't really think I'm interested sexually in guys much/ at all. I've even admitted to myself that I'm afraid after a couple of dates, we'll be expected to have sex. Idk maybe I should explore more of this with a counselor.. I've thought about it but also have been scared to talk about it with someone. When I've tried in the past with a couple of ppl, I feel like I get pushed away. Going back to you- I don't think you can make urself look at another sex the same way. I think sexuality is truly more internal and more stable from when we're younger than ppl realize aka we choose to acknowledge it or not. When I came out, my mom completely kinda made that excuse... and I didn't know how to take it. Idk exactly how I crush on guys either; for some reason I think I'm going to hurt them if I date them. When I fell in love/ lust, I felt something completely different than I never felt before. The situation was not ideal to say the least and my mom thinks the person made me think I like them.. which is completely false.. Honestly just breathe.. you will realize more about urself as time goes on.. I do promise that... no matter what happens, just be you .
II think you are wise to seek a counselor. You may have suppressed feeling that are so bottled up you personally cannot deal with them. You, or should i say, your mental pshycie. Is protecting you from remembering all the bad that happened. However, to get better, you do need to get it out. Seek a counselor that deals with sexual identity issues, i.e., homosexuality. If you are unsure where to locate a counselor - see if theer is a LGBT hotline in your area or call the national number. You need help finding the number - let me know.
Wow it's so amazing to find someone who can relate! So, do you mean you were sexually abused too? Sorry if thats too forward of a question. But is that why you feel you are scared to go on dates with them??? For me, i don't even look at guys and when i do i chose them because they are dudes, and funny... We usually establish pretty early in the piece that i am into girls, so when i do meet a new guy, it quickly reaches the friend zone. But maybe i am not open to meeting guys who i could be attracted to, out of the same fear. I don't think im scared to have sex with them, just not interested... But have i made myself think that way out of fear? I just don't know. I think i have gone to plenty of therapy and counsellors, everyone says the same thing, 'just go with it, don't label yourself, if you like a guy you like a guy and if you like a girl you like a girl, sexuality is fluid.....' You know how it goes. I think for me i just need to try it... I need to at least be open to it and if i meet a guy, get along with him and things don't work out because that thing isn't there, then at least i will know. And if I'm trying to meet a guy and i meet a girl in the interim, then so be it. My family is better with my sexuality, mum found it hard and they all defs thought (and maybe still think) that it was because of my past, and part of me does too... I think mostly because my relationships with girls reach this friend zone too... So obviously its me. I think i don't want to be straight, and i hate the idea.. But so do some of the girls and guys on this forum who don't want to be gay. Maybe it's my situation just reversed. I saw on the someone else's post that you can work out what gender or who you want to be with depending on who it is that you want to come home to, or cuddle and hold hands... Who is that for you??? I think that over time, when family and friends start to realise that you have met someone that you genuinely care for, who is good for you, they start to accept it. When they see you happy and doing well, living a life you love and are a proud of, they put their judgement kind of on hold...
