Currently, I've tried to be more in control of being proud of myself, being confident, and secure in my sexuality. To most people, I identify as bisexual, some support it, some are confused, and some disagree leaving me a pretty confused person. In college, I fell in love with my best friend and I remember kissing her felt like as one of my friends says "magic". It was at that point that I really began to question/ understand and accept who I was attracted to. When I was younger, it didn't seem as important as I was ultimately focused on everything social and most of the time what was happening in my friends' who were girls lives that I never left time for myself. I got crushes on guys in middle school and elementary school and definitely know I'm physically attracted to them but as far as the sexual stuff, I'm unsure if I want to be with a guy sexually. Even now I'm confused/ question if I should trying to be with a guy at all but at the same time I worry so much about my family supporting me... I honestly ever since college, question my crushes on guys a lot wondering if I just want the attention from them/ would it work out if I ever were to date them. Though sometimes I wonder if this is partially psychological since I was pretty scarred from what happened in college. The situation was never ideal and mostly the girl emotionally depended on me. I felt for the sake of my sanity at the time I had to hold a lot of my feelings back for the person to avoid homophobia and at the same time be best friends to the person. Emotionally it was extremely hard to deal with and sometimes I wonder if I've gotten in the habit of making excuses for my feelings. I know I'm probably not 100% gay but probably lean in that direction. When I was around one of my guyfriends I did wonder what it would be like to date them and did imagine kissing them which means that I'm probably curious but beyond that idk.. I have in the past gone on dates with guys and felt no emotional attraction... Sometimes I don't understand it either though. In all honestly, I've never fully sexually been with anyone and sometimes I wonder if it's just me wanting attention. After thinking these things I was curious about dating my guyfriend "the 38 yr old" but then was like being the 24 yr old confirmed they were too old. I can't say I sat up in my bed thinking about them either... haha Question Two: Dealing with Family I've wanted to be honest about my sexuality for a couple of yrs now with my family and I honestly wonder if anyone has any tips for helping their family/ friends to accept them in terms of that. My mom tries kinda to understand but keeps kinda inferring that I'm in denial. My dad has no idea but when he asked me if I noticed any guys were cute I responded that I didn't really notice and said I saw some cute girls and guys. The phone then was silent.. lol.. I even tried to pass off dating a girl as "nothing" to my mom and she acted like I did something terribly wrong. One of my friends explained to me that I find girls "safe" and when I told another one I went to hang out at a lgbt lesbian group, she acted shocked. Other than that, most of my friends accept it but I do worry with my family.
