I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years now. Before her, I've only ever had one boyfriend (which didn't last due to long distance). Our relationship is really great except for the fact that her sex drive is a lot lower than mine. We broke up about it a few times...but we always got back together because we really love each other. The problem is I can't stop having these thoughts about what it's like to be with a guy. I'm getting really confused. I really love my girlfriend, and I can imagine spending the rest of my life with her. But I keep having these sexual dreams about men in my sleep. This happened 2 years ago, and I told her about my curiosity. I think she tried to be open-minded about it and told me I could try then but if I didn't then the opportunity would be gone. I didn't try because I didn't want to lose her. But I don't know what this means, and I don't know what to do. I do know that I love her, and I don't want to be with anyone else. But I have this urge to find out what it's like to be with men. I feel so guilty. Can someone please tell me what I should do?
Most people eventually make the sort of sacrifice you're talking about. After all, even with straight women, committing to a long term, monogamous relationship means that they are willingly giving up all the other possible partners that they might have had. At the end of the day, it sounds like you can either say "it's worth it to be with her, I'm giving up all the other possible partners right now," or decide that you're not ready to make that commitment. The good news is that you aren't getting married/swearing to love her forever right now (right?), so you can say "Right now this is a commitment that I can make" and then change your mind in six months or a year if you need to. Something to note is that it can be really hard for couples with radically different sex drives to make it work monogamously. It does sound like she wouldn't be okay with opening the relationship up and letting you have playmates. That's fine, some people aren't interested in polyamorous relationships, but it does make it harder.
