Hi guys. I'm torn between being confused about my sexual orientation and being in denial. The thing is, either way is fine with me but figuring it out isn't easy. I've only been in relationships with men. Up until recently it seemed right, but looking back there was always something missing. Like a lack of connection on some level. I've always found women attractive. Lately, I've been spending time with my aunt and her wife. There is something so special about their relationship. This is mainly what made me seriously start evaluating my sexual orientation. Although I can become attracted to men, the idea of having a relationship with a women seems to make more sense. I feel like it would be easier for me to become emotionally connected to another women than a man. I will also add that several of my friends have recently gotten married and the thought of marrying a man doesn't seem appealing at this point. So, how do you begin exploring that? How does someone in my shoes meet women to give me more clarity on my situation? Thank you for your suggestions!
Hi - I think you mean, how do you meet women to date? to give you more clarity... That's what I was thinking anyway. Developing friendships with and dating other women sounds like a logical next step, if that is something you want to do. The best way to meet women depends, I guess, on a lot of factors and what's available to you. In some places there are lgbt support groups, lgbt-friendly churches, social and political groups, university groups or sponsored events. What is it you are most interested in, and is there any way to connect with other lesbians who are also into that. Maybe your aunt would have some ideas. I hope you meet someone that helps you gain the clarity you are looking for!
In all honesty, I don't think you are a lesbian; I think the reason you feel that way is because you see how happy your Aunt and her wife are and look back into your past and notice something missing, of course what most people need to realize is; that does not necessarily mean you're gay, it just means that you did not like them as much as you'd thought and are. Being in denial is more or less a state of mind than it is an actual intertwined jumbled up mixed changing of emotions and what not. Denial is more so the case of knowing you're whole life you are in fact homosexual or what not and doing everything you can to change it and prove yourself you are not. Like for instance, you notice women are not only physically attractive meaning you are into their looks and think they are good looking, but also warm and sexual, you even kind of get aroused a little just by the thought of being with them, and even some naughty thoughts come on the side as well. I think what it really is; is that you see how your aunt and wife are so happy, and of course, not all of your relationships worked out in the past, and you are trying to find excuses to find out why that is; so you go with one of the more obvious reasonings; you are lesbian and in denial; of course you COULD be homosexual or even Bisexual at that point, but you have to think about it this way though; have you ever had romantic or sexual feelings for women in the past? Finding the beauty in women other than yourself and thinking a relationship with a woman would make you more happy is not really enough; you need to find out what and why that would be and so far according to what you posted; your aunt and her wife's happy marriage and seeing how happy they are is the only thing giving you such idea's into your head. So let me ask you this; do you enjoy the thought of sex with a woman? Do you feel warm and fuzzy inside and even somewhat aroused by cuddling, kissing, and hugging a woman? If not; and the exact opposite happens with men, you obviously cannot be a lesbian sadly. No mean to offend; just saying. However if thoughts of those two not doing it for you AT ALL could mean you are Asexual all together, meaning you have no preference for either men or women. Basically, sexuality and romance are two different things and should be treated as such. You could also experiment if you feel necessary, and only YOU can tell, but I hope my advice helps.
Thank you also, for your response. I suppose I could have elaborated a bit more. And I do see your point. The connection my aunt and her wife have is not just that of a happy relationship. It makes sense to me, whereas my friends who are in a happy relationship with men doesn't. If a man were to approach me and ask me to join him for a drink, for example, I would feel nothing and politely decline without thinking twice. However, if a woman were to approach me in the same scenario, I would gladly accept. I have both been emotionally connected to another woman in a romantic way, and have also had sexual experiences with said woman. I also should have mentioned that I've also been more attracted to women for as long as I can remember. If a friend of mine pointed out an attractive guy, I would agree while I was focused more on the woman he was with. If there was a sex scene in a movie, I was watching the girl not the guy. I suppose since within the last year, I've had my first experience seeing a lesbian couple first hand, it triggered something inside that made it feel ok to acknowledge and analyze what I've been feeling all along. So yes, I do enjoy the thought of being emotionally and physically intimate with a woman. And as of this moment, I feel the completely opposite with a man. This being the first moment I've openly admitted it to myself without feeling like something is wrong with me. The easiest way for me to articulate it, is that being with a woman just makes sense.
