So i really think i might be a lesbian but dont know for sure. I have never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend but i have never been really interested in guys. im really shy and i get really quiet around guys in the first place and dont have any close friends who are boys either. I went to an all girls high school and have always been more comfortable around girls. My senior year in high school is when i realized i might be gay because i had a really big crush on a girl at my school. i had never felt like that about anyone before. i feel as if ive always had these feeling in the back of my head and just choose not to really think about them until now. im going off to college soon and feel like its a good opportunity to figure out who i am. I have only told a few of my friends about these feelings and they tell me its because i have never been with a guy and because of going to an all girls school i dont have any experience being around guys. They also say it could be because i have low self esteem and that could make me nervous around guys. But i really do feel like i might be gay. I have never had feelings for a boy even when i did go to school with them when i was in middle school. The more i think about it the more i am leaning towards yes i am gay its who i am and who i have always been. But i cant help having those thoughts in the back of my head what if my friends are right? How can i really be sure?
It sounds like you are learning to trust yourself, which is a process, and trying to weigh what others have to say as well. Maybe reading some books by other women about their coming out, or other types of sexual journeys, could be helpful. Just what you are doing now, by having these conversations with friends, sounds helpful, and when you are at college you will have more opportunities to socialize with a variety of people around a different topics and causes. Discovering what you are passionate about in life, and "going for it" may foster a parallel journey of discovering what what you are passionate about in relationships as well. Best wishes.
OMG OMG OMG!! I couldn't wait to get home just so I could respond to your post! I also went to an all-girls high school, and was very shy due to my looks - so I was never invited to parties by all the "cool girls" in class, and only had a handful of friends which weren't into partying anyway (well as far as I can remember anyway). So I never had much exposure to guys growing up, and once I got into the workforce and started interacting with them - I wasn't very good at it. I found that I could only interact with them at work, and not outside socially (probably because of the safety of work boundaries). In the past few years I tried online dating and even dating agencies to find me a boyfriend - as I'd already hit 30 and felt that "time was running out", but while on these dates with guys - I felt that it was forced and I couldn't 'be myself' that I was trying to be all girly and flirty just to attract them (which I spose is what you're supposed to do anyway) and it just never felt right. It's only been in the last few months when I saw a photo of a famous lesbian comedian (no not Ellen) which gave me these incredibly strong feelings of attraction and lust, that I finally figured out - and said to myself "perhaps the reason why I never was lucky with guys is because I'm actually a lesbian?" So fast forward to today, where I'm on EC, going to lesbian groups, socialising with lesbians - and absolutely loving it! I felt as though I'd come home as they say. I'm still waiting for my first physical encounter with a woman, but I'm sure that it'll feel totally awesome! Sorry for the long reminisce - but thought it may help you - Good Luck!
