Not a forumer, but so confused

If you're not capable of being sexually intimate with a man, I doubt such a relationship would work. You might be suffering from some internalized heterosexism.

 

I can't decide for you, but based on what you've given us, I would guess you are sexually attracted to women, and romantically attracted to men? Which would make you a heteroromantic homosexual.. A tough spot to be, but hey, anything is possible if you put your mind to it! But really, this is just something you've got to decide, I can't see inside your mind.

 

I agree with two shakes, it does sound that way

The answer and acceptance can only be found from within, so keep listening to your feelings and seeking understanding and soon enough you will reach a conclusion you can be happy with

 

Speaking as someone who has also suffered from depression, I think depression does make it a lot harder to figure out what your orientation is because it can dull your emotions. I know that in my case I still have a hard time telling what I'm feeling or what I want as a result of this.

There's really only two things you can do. One is to get treatment for depression, if that is a feasible option for you at this time. It will make questioning easier to cope with, even if it doesn't provide any immediate answers.

The other is to get experience. Left to mull over my sexuality on my own, I would never have questioned that I was straight. It was only after I met a girl who made my heart leap up into my throat every time she looked at me that I began to wonder. I would actually encourage experimentation. Yes, you do run the risk of disappointing your partner if you discover that you don't want that kind of relationship with them after all. But the thing is, this applies to anyone you ever have a romantic, sexual, or even platonic relationship with, even if you are 100% certain of your interest in/attraction to them. That's why we date people for a while before moving on to more serious commitments like marriage. Of course, experimenting still isn't for everyone (I'm finding that I'm too introverted for it).

 

What you describe does fit the description for a heteroromantic homosexual. Which puts you in a difficult situation. I wouldn't necessarily be so afraid of experimenting, though - relationships end all the time because the participants haven't found what they want. Don't go in misleading anyone into thinking you're about to marry them, or anything, but you shouldn't hold back for that reason.

Also, you might consider the possibility that something is holding you back from wanting a relationship with women. I don't deny the existence of mis-aligned orientations, but they are pretty rare. It would be a shame to miss out on an easy solution. It could be depression. Or it could be some kind of internalised heterosexism - as a woman, you're socialised to expect a relationship with a man, so thats the only thing you can see yourself doing, even though you aren't attracted to men. Also, romantic orientation can often be more fluid than sexuality. You might find the occasional woman you'd like to become romantically involved with, or you might find you need to get to know someone very well before a relationship could develop.