Hi, I am not even sure where to begin this...Ok here goes. First I have to say I am glad I found this online support group because I am still not 100% comfortable with this part of myself and the possibility that I may be bi. I usually don't open up easily to others only my close friends. I am in my early 30s and I've never been in a relationship with a man. I've been on dates that seem to go nowhere. I sometimes feel awkward and nervous around men and some women as well. I am very attracted to men but in thinking back to as early as 5th grade I have had feelings/crushes and attractions to women. I have found myself checking out men and women. I've fought these feelings for years because I thought it was wrong and I felt ashamed, I thought it was a phase I was going through. But as I got older the feelings continued. I am challenging myself to explore this more because I have not had a good dating/relationships life because I've been so unsure for so long and just don't because of that. In my teens and 20s I had several instances of strong emotional and physical attractions to women. I have been semi intimate kissing etc. with men which were ok but not totally pleasant and some were. I had one instance of being intimate with a woman. It was a friend of mine and we got drunk one night I told her I liked her don't know why...and we started kissing and making out. I'm not sure if that counts as a real experience since we were both intoxicated. It felt right and wrong at the same time. Lately I have been thinking more about my feelings and where I stand. I've had dreams about being intimate with both men and women. I just want to be ok with this and not feel like its wrong to have these feelings. I haven't told anyone how I feel except for my best friend (who is a woman) and one other person. I've never imaged dating another woman and I feel more attracted to men. Any advice is appreciated. How can I really now for sure? What's step 2?
My recommendation is to give it time while you continue to mull it over and expose yourself to the community. You might enjoy watching movies/tv shows, reading blogs, reading magazines, and of course continuing to hang out here. If you're feeling really bold or just ready for the next step, you might even want to look for a real life community. Here's my list of my favorite (mostly free) lezzi/queer lady resources: Movies (the not-so-free category, although some of these might be able to be found on Netflix and/or pirating sites if you're into that): -Saving Face (aka, cutest movie ever) -A Perfect Ending -Kiss Me -I Can't Think Straight I just realized these are all romances. If you're not into romances, then maybe you'd like to look for your own list. TV Shows: -The Fosters (on Netflix) -Orange is the New Black (on Netflix) -Bomb Girls (on Netflix- I think) <Historical and very cool -The L Word (maybe on Netflix? First several episodes on Youtube) -Lip Service (maybe on Netflix? First series on Youtube) Blogs: -http://www.villageq.com -http://effingdykes.blogspot.ca (going on hiatus, but lots of back content) -http://uppoppedafox.com -http://hotfemmeinthecity.wordpress.com (not super active, again I recommend the archives) Again, this is just what I read (past tense)/continue to read. You can explore these and then go out and find your own if you like. Magazines: -http://www.autostraddle.com (100% inclusive, 100% free, 100% online, 500% awesome.) -Curve Magazine (I have a lot of mixed feelings about Curve, but it's a classic so I'm putting it on the list.)
Thank you for all of the great suggestions. I actually used to watch the L Word when it was on air. I watched it with a few of my (girl) friends. I was actually not uncomfortable with it. I've been to a gay club and I am actually going this weekend a friend of mine he is celebrating his birthday. What I was saying in my post is that I am still in the "questioning" phase. Not ready to label myself as "bi" or not.
